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Hey All
Me again.
Not sure if I'm gonna write a poem this time or not, but we'll see how things go.
I've said this before, and I'll say it again just for a laugh.
I don't care 'what' I am. I am me, and I'm a human. My sexuality (or lack there of) doesn't matter to me, and I prefer not to be labeled as such. A person can label me whatever they like, but it gets annoying sometimes.
A couple Sundays ago I met a friend who I thought was okay, but ended up kissing me on the first day of knowing me. This made me extremely uncomfortable, and somewhat afraid, so I've blocked contact with this person.
I no longer wish to be kissed or anything of the nature. Perhaps cutting everything (relationship-wise) off will be a bad thing, but I'll deal with that when the time comes. When you like someone, and have known each other for a while, then would possibly be the better time to act on anything other then friendship. But it doesn't work on the first day.
If you want to fall in love with someone that's fine, but don't act upon your feelings until both parties are comfortable with each other. I realize I've said this before to, and I apologize if I am repeating myself. I also don't mean to offend anyone in this post. If I have, then I apologize.
Anyway, I'm gonna watch TV for a while now. Have a good day everyone.
~Josh~
21.
Love who you want to.
~Josh~
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why block contact with him? He didn't do something terribly wrong. Maybe he did crossed the line and made you feel uncomfortable, but its no reason not to give him a chance, even if just a good friendship comes out of it.
Just let him know that his actions made you feel uncomfortable. That you would like to wait till both of you know each other better to move on with more intimate things. Sometimes the best solution is to be honest and keep it simple.
Just my two cents. Don't mean to tell you how to manage your life.
Hope you have a great day 
You don't love someone because they are beautiful, they are beautiful because you love them.
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Fingolfin
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Likes it here |
Location: Slovakia
Registered: August 2008
Messages: 265
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Amen.
I couldn't write it better.
Marek
It is better to switch on a small light than to curse the darkness.
- Vincent Šikula, Slovak writer
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Hey guys thanks for replying
I'm 20 years old. The guy who kissed me was 31 years old. When he took me to his apartment he showed me a porn video he uses for excitement and a bunch of dating sites that he was on. He also told me that he had been looking for a boyfriend for two years, and that the shortest relationship he ever had was one day.
Also, when I told him I like everyone, he assumed I was bisexual. I hate labels, and I don't like people labeling me, so I just said I like everyone. Then he told me I was 'confused' about my sexuality. I don't care what people lay me out as, but I'm not confused about anything. I just don't care. That's pretty much it.
I merely wrote this to give you guys some more info on what happened.
~Josh~
21.
Love who you want to.
~Josh~
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This gives us a different perspective on things. You are 20 and he is 31 so no legal laws were broken as both you are above the age of consent. However, I would not have gone to his apartment the first day i met him. You should be a little more careful. All the details you disclosed scream a red light. At least thats how i feel about it- i don't know how you feel about it. I could be wrong because you might like older guys.
Here are a few rules i like to follow. Unless your intentions are to be intimate with someone you meet randomly, you can disregard what follows.
1) Always meet, hang out, talk to someone in a public place
2) Never accept invitations to their place or offer to take to your place no matter how 'nice' them seem
3)Watch out for red lights...such as sexual topics, past sexual history, etc...probably all he wants is sex.
4) Most importantly, be safe.
In reference to the other part of your post. I can understand hating labels. I hate them too! I don't fall to a specific category. Unfortunately, the way society works, we are always label whether we like it or not. Let others label you...just be who you are. Don't worry what they say.
Mike.
Hope you are having a great day.
You don't love someone because they are beautiful, they are beautiful because you love them.
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Hey Mike
Thanks for replying.
It technically was my fault to begin with anyway. The guy would call like 5 or 6 times a day to talk to me. I was seriously starting to get annoyed by the whole thing anyway.
While we would talk on the phone, he would talk about how he hadn't had a boyfriend for two and a half years, as well as get into sexual things, such as not liking anal (anal sex.) This I felt was really weird, as it's not the usual thing you talk about when you're in a conversation with someone. Before that, he told me he was gay, and I said gay people are awesome (which they are!)
And then I made the mistake of telling him that I was gay. That was a serious mistake on my part. I do not follow labels but I told him I was anyway, and then he asked me if I wanted to be his boyfriend. I made the extremely stupid mistake of saying yes. And then he started complimenting me a lot (which I don't like.) and I found that to be annoying.
A couple days after this, I went to his apartment (because I thought we could be friends) and my mom drove me. While I was at his place, we watched Broke back Mountain. While it is a good movie, it isn't one I'd prefer to watch again. During the movie the guy removed his shirt, which made me extremely uncomfortable.
(Note that during these types of situations, even though I know not to say certain things, I end up saying things anyway) And I told him I liked him again, and that's when he kissed me. My mouth was closed while he did, and he asked me how it was, and I said it was an incomplete kiss (because I didn't participate, and he asked me to explain, and it was rather awkward.
Also, the guy did things that made me further uncomfortable, like putting his head on my shoulder, like he was laying on me or something. And I found that to be uncomfortable to. This person also has Autism, so that's probably why he called me a lot.
Anyway, I'm not contacting the person again, which is a good thing, and I've also told him not to call me or anything. So far, that's worked, and I'm glad for that.
Aside from that, my day is going very well, thanks for asking.
~Josh~
21.
Love who you want to.
~Josh~
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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You said you made the stupid mistake of saying yes?
Thats an understatment if I ever heard one !!!
Your mom drove you??????
Holy shit !!!! Now that HAS TO BE A FIRST !!!!
Did she wait by the curb for you too???
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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Marc, have I ever told you that I don't have a drivers license...
And one more thing.. Do not insult my mom!
~Josh~
[Updated on: Wed, 20 August 2008 20:34]
21.
Love who you want to.
~Josh~
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Josh *Pretty Me* wrote:
> Marc, have I ever told you that I don't have a drivers license...
To tell you the truth... I didn't think you would have a license.
>
> And one more thing.. Do not insult my mom!
I am not insulting your mom... I am however amazed that a gay person would ask his mother for a ride to a trist.
That takes a great deal of balls..... shakes head in utter disbelief.
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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Dear Josh,
I've read your further posts about your visit to the guy. I understand how you feel as when I was 21 (older in years but not in understanding) I more or less did what you did but didn't have the guts to stop before anything happened. I mean the age difference was the same and I went to see him where he lived (which maybe I shouldn't have).
So I'm very glad that you did stop and full of admiration that you were able to.
But I was feeling desperate and you aren't. And I hope you don't ever get to feel desperate. I was in love with someone who, although he was very nice about it, rejected me. And I was very fit and randy. And I agree it doesn't work on the first day - it didn't even with me - but I agree with you that even the first week is too soon!
So I applaud your caution and discretion and that you want to be sure before even a kiss. More strength to your elbow (as they say).
I do hope this helps you to feel happier about it.
Love,
Anthony
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Marc.
How else was I supposed to get there without asking for a ride? Walking? I don't think so. Considering the guy (asshole that he was) lived about an hour away from me.
Also, I'm going to ask nicely.
Do not insult my mom! And if you're trying to get me riled up, don't. I'm not going to get over this. If you continue insulting me (which you are) then I'll get rid of my anger in some other way then to waste my time having a shouting march with you...
~Josh~
21.
Love who you want to.
~Josh~
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Dear Anthony.
Thanks for your reply. I enjoyed reading it and it has helped me feel better.
I've made my own choice to never get into a relationship. Reason simply is that I don't want to, and I don't feel the need to. I'm happy being 'single' and having friends.
Have a nice day.
~Josh~
21.
Love who you want to.
~Josh~
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Josh *Pretty Me* wrote:
> Marc.
>
> How else was I supposed to get there without asking for a ride? Walking? I don't think so. Considering the guy (asshole that he was) lived about an hour away from me.
Think about it Josh.... There is an answer there if you think about it.
>
> Also, I'm going to ask nicely.
>
> Do not insult my mom! And if you're trying to get me riled up, don't. I'm not going to get over this. If you continue insulting me (which you are) then I'll get rid of my anger in some other way then to waste my time having a shouting march with you...
As I said, I am not insulting your mom. Even if you believe I am, I'm not.
If you're angry and have to loose it some other way then be my guest.
And this is a forum, typed, there are no shouting marches.
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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I don't invite people over to my house, unless I know them well enough to trust them.
I say what I type. Otherwise, if we were to meet (which we are not going to) then I'd tell you this in a polite manner. I apologize for getting angry.
~Josh~
21.
Love who you want to.
~Josh~
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Josh *Pretty Me* wrote:
> I don't invite people over to my house, unless I know them well enough to trust them.
>
> I say what I type. Otherwise, if we were to meet (which we are not going to) then I'd tell you this in a polite manner. I apologize for getting angry.
Are you angry with me? I didnt notice. I thought you were angry with yourself for going to that guys house.
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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It's a little bit of both actually, but I'll get over it..
~Josh~
21.
Love who you want to.
~Josh~
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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What must always matter is that you are comfortable. But, if this was a "first date", then going back to his place was the only error.
The challenge is that we have to learn what the rules of dating are, something I never got to grips with.
31 plays 21. Hmmm. In general you can expect a guy 10 years older both to be sexually experienced and also to know what he wants. And he wanted you.
This does not rule out learning with guys of your own age what dating is about. And it does not stop you setting the rules about kissing and touching, nor does it stop you from trying kissing and hugging and touching out. Today you may not wish for any form of sex, but let tomorrow decide for itself. That one special guy will probably change everything about your feelings there.
We all make dating mistakes. Don't let it get to you.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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You know, while I am also bewildered by Josh's actions, he does have the right to learn things. I once made the error of dating for three months the girl sitting on the sofa next to the one I was trying to date. The wrong one answered 'yes'!
It was just an error of judgment, but Josh is only 21, he's entitled to make errors of judgment. Though going back to an older guy's place on a first date does seem like quite a biggie.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Yes.... I know...
I know many things....
One thing I know is that no 21 year old asks mommy for a more than an hour ride to go to his boy friends house.
I could not imagine THAT CONVERSATION for the life of me.
[Updated on: Thu, 21 August 2008 08:58]
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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I guess the truth is often far stranger than fiction. It sounds so bizarre as to be precisely what happened.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Marc.
He was not my boyfriend, and I hardly knew him. I only went to his place because I thought we could be friends.
Stop assuming things..
~Josh~
21.
Love who you want to.
~Josh~
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Thanks Timmy. I'll think about what you said.
~Josh~
21.
Love who you want to.
~Josh~
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Fingolfin
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Likes it here |
Location: Slovakia
Registered: August 2008
Messages: 265
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One ugly thing doesn't make the whole world ugly. There is one person longing for your love for every person lusting for sex with you. Even though a not good experience, still, you escaped relatively unharmed, right? If that's true, you avoided far worse subsequences. Many didn't... or couldn't. I think you (and not only you) can still learn. You went there, but you had the guts to step back. That needs a strong person to manage. Congrats. Let it all work itself out within your head. One day you will probably find someone who will long after you for yourself, not for your pretty body. I wish you all the better experience from now on. Head up.
Marek
It is better to switch on a small light than to curse the darkness.
- Vincent Šikula, Slovak writer
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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When you meet the right young gentleman he will appreciate you and your needs. If you love him and he loves you then you will each wish to please the other. That means that, if you need to go slow, he will go slow. And, because love creates a heady chemistry, you will choose to go faster than you currently believe to meet his needs, too.
I know sex is unimportant to you today, it may never be important to you. It does happen to be rather good fun, though. And if it ever feels as if it is not fun, then it is the wrong time, or the wrong place, or the wrong person.
Keep doing what you are doing: thinking, learning and trying things out. Look back at this experience and see which parts were pleasant and which less pleasant. Aim to maximise the pleasant. That will leave no time for the unpleasant.
Above all, be yourself.
I've no idea what you look like, but my mental image is of a slightly hesitant yet smiling young man, a little feminine in mannerisms, yet all boy. Such an image is an appealing image. It makes many friends.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Thank you.
~Josh~
21.
Love who you want to.
~Josh~
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Thanks Timmy. Your mental image is somewhat correct.
I do like to smile, and be happy when I'm not sad. I'm very hesitant around people, and have rather high (by some people's standards) personal boundaries and walls to prevent me from getting hurt.
Other then that, I'm just an average person.
~Josh~
21.
Love who you want to.
~Josh~
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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As time goes by continue to experiment by lowering your personal boundaries little by little. You can always put them back up, after all 
The height you needed them last week is higher than you need them this week, but they may need to go back up a little next week, etc.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Fingolfin
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Likes it here |
Location: Slovakia
Registered: August 2008
Messages: 265
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Define average. Moreover, define normal.
Josh, you are not an average person. Nobody actually is. We are all equal in our individuality. You are just you.
Hugs
Marek
P.S. I can see Timmy's image of you. I like what I see.
It is better to switch on a small light than to curse the darkness.
- Vincent Šikula, Slovak writer
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Dear Josh,
Everybody had something interesting to say. Just trying to help you out. Life is about experiences. Live each of them.
You don't love someone because they are beautiful, they are beautiful because you love them.
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Fingolfin
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Likes it here |
Location: Slovakia
Registered: August 2008
Messages: 265
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You're welcome. Anytime.
By the way, nice pic. I would like to see you smile. That would even improve it. You are a good looking young man.
Marek
It is better to switch on a small light than to curse the darkness.
- Vincent Šikula, Slovak writer
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Josh, it took a great deal of courage for you to post this. It was far more courage than I had at your age. I was hiding who I was and how I felt, not only from the world, but also from myself. Hindsight, being perfect, tells me it was a poor choice. You've made the decision not to have 'affairs' or those sort of entanglements. But, fortunately, you haven't ruled out the desire to make friends - even friends with gay or questioning people.
So, my unsolicited advise is to continue having the courage to step outside of yourself and to take the occasional chance. You are intelligent and shrewed and perfectly capable of deducing a person's interest in you. Eventually you will find someone who fits your definition of 'friend' and gives you some connectivity. But I definitely think you should maintain the friend search towards those closer to your own age. An older person is just suspect from the beginning. But I think this is but one of the lessons you learned from your experience, making you far the wiser and capable of making better choices in the future. Just don't allow it to become a stumbling block.
Hugs, and a happy future to you.
Paul
Youth crisis hot-line 866-488-7386, 24 hr (U.S.A.)
There are people who want to help you cope with being you.
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Dear Josh,
Thank you for trusting me. Smile please!
Love,
Anthony
[Updated on: Thu, 21 August 2008 17:28] |
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John..
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Toe is in the water |
Registered: March 2008
Messages: 56
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Hi Josh.
I'm rather surprised at what you have said, you chatted on the phone regularly, then you got your mother to drive you to this 31 year old gay guys home..
You must have felt he was ok, so you should have expected him to make a move after showing you a porn film.
Whatever your sexuality you don't go round his place on your own he could have raped you, you needed to meet in an open space and chat over a beer or coffee
You are a deep thinker I cant understand how you could miss the signs..
But your ok and that's the important thing.
If you met him on a gay site then I think you must assume that he thought you were as well. And going round his house well he thought nice.
I'm not knocking you but be careful.
Are you testing us all to see what we think? Because I know your well intelligent and perhaps a littel naïve.
regards John
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John.
I got my mom to drive me to his place cause I thought we could be friends. We would only be friends, cause that's all I allow. I didn't know what to think of him at the time, and I didn't really care. I only went to his place, because its very hard for me to say no to someone.
He showed me a VCR tape of a porn film that he had. We did not watch it. If we did, I would have felt very afraid, and left right away. Instead we watched Broke back Mountain, which as I've said before, is a good movie but I wouldnt watch it again. (I hated it.)
If anyone tries to rape me (or anything of the sort) I'll call the cops, and if I can't do that, I'll run as fast as I can away from any such person, if I can't do that, I'll force my way out of such a persons room and then run.
I met this guy at my Doctor's office, as I was going there for a regular appointment that I have around every 3 months. It wasn't until I got home and he called me that I knew that he was gay.
I don't know the signs, because I don't date. I simply refuse to, by any means. I will not date anyone, and if someone wants to get 'with me' then I'll tell them we can't be friends anymore, and I'll cut off any communication I have with such a person.
I am aware that I am naive. I know that now, and I've grown a little, so I am improving, but I still know that I am naive.
~Josh~
21.
Love who you want to.
~Josh~
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John..
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Toe is in the water |
Registered: March 2008
Messages: 56
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Hi Josh.
Thanks for coming back i thought you understood but just needed to check .
Hope you do trust people because they are important to us all.
its nice to hug.
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I know. Thanks John
~Josh~
21.
Love who you want to.
~Josh~
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Dear Timmy,
your advice seems to me rather cautious. What would have been the equivalent for 1956? - the year before the Wolfenden report and eleven years before any kind of homosexual act was legal?
Frankly until the law is fair and moral there is little to be said in favour of taking it as a guide - or that's what I think.
And if you want society to accept you and the law says you are illegal what do you do? You surely aren't seriously saying you should obey the law are you?
But I admit that I'm not giving advice and won't get slated because other people dislike my advice.
But it is a serious conflict isn't it?
Love,
Anthony
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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I'm a little lost. But can we transfer this to the new thread?
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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