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Dear Timmy,
I can't fault your advice. I'm sure I was less cautious and more willing to take risks when I was 21 and wonder whether our need to be seen to give 'good' advice leads us to be more cautious in what we say than in how we act.
Love,
Anthony
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Fingolfin
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Location: Slovakia
Registered: August 2008
Messages: 265
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Timmy, that information (or advice) is pretty exhausting, but I can see Anthony's point. We all realise what others should do, but sometimes behave completely opposite. I don't know why, I just know it happens. Maybe those who give advice feel so invincible, that they take the risk... Dunno, maybe.
Marek
It is better to switch on a small light than to curse the darkness.
- Vincent Šikula, Slovak writer
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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Advice, and the listening to it and the understanding of it, is important. Nothing prevents our making a conscious choice about which to take and which to reject once we are sure we understand it.
The younger we are the more like fresh meat we are, and the more advice about safety we should take.
[Updated on: Fri, 22 August 2008 08:50]
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Fingolfin
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Likes it here |
Location: Slovakia
Registered: August 2008
Messages: 265
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Total agreement.
But, the youths are often rebelling, not listening to well-meant advice. And then they got hurt. The problem is, what are the odds that you meet the right person or wrong person? How to distinguish them? There are signals, but not always visible to inexperienced eye.
My theory is, that when someone uses let's say online dating service to find "straight" relationship, it is more dangerous to reply, because it is far easier to find a partner of an opposite sex. Thus using dating service in this case seems perilous to me. However, we are a sexual minority. I assume that this fact gives us higher chance to find someone decent and loving even through dating service. What do you think?
Your advice is perfect in its complexity, you did a fine job. Now you can only hope that people behave according to them and their own common sense...
Marek
It is better to switch on a small light than to curse the darkness.
- Vincent Šikula, Slovak writer
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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I think we need someone who is actively dating or who has met people for dating purposes to answer. My meetings have been social, not sexual.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Fingolfin
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Likes it here |
Location: Slovakia
Registered: August 2008
Messages: 265
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Precisely.
That's why I called my opinion a theory. I think there are friends experienced in dating this way, who will answer to this thread. We'll see.
Marek
It is better to switch on a small light than to curse the darkness.
- Vincent Šikula, Slovak writer
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Yes, Marek and Timmy,
I was (incidentally) making the point that when I needed advice it was 1956 and what I wanted to do was criminal.
And I was thinking, but not saying, that there are many places where it is still against the law or so unacceptable in some societies that even such good advice would appall social leaders. What advice do you give then?
"Don't take risks: don't get caught."?
OK that is over-abbreviated but essentially that's it isn't it?
Love,
Anthony
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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In nations like Saudi Arabia, getting caught means death. Entrapment is not unknown.
In less ridiculous societies one may still be trapped, but by a predator. Nonetheless, meetings are possible and USUALLY safe.
All one can possibly suggest is to use common sense and discretion where it is unlawful.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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I think we forget what it is to be young and yearn for something with our whole being. We could know that some practices could be unsafe and yet do them anyway, because we are so desirous of that outcome that our imaginations can conceive. If we want that special person or relationship we can turn a blind eye to things that would normally be very obvious.
Though the youth are the ones most in need of sound advice about risk taking, it strikes me that they are also the ones most likely to ignore the advice. When we are young we have this feeling that nothing 'truly' bad could ever happen to us - it only happens to other people. It often takes sometimes tragic results of our actions to prove differently to us. It seems we aren't very capable of learning by the mistakes of others. The most we can do is offer the advice, educate them to possible consequences and then hope the mistakes they will make anyway won't be terribly tragic.:-[
Youth crisis hot-line 866-488-7386, 24 hr (U.S.A.)
There are people who want to help you cope with being you.
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