A Place of Safety
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Meeting phone or online friends  [message #52447] Thu, 21 August 2008 18:48 Go to next message
timmy

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Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
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John reminded me in his reply to Josh that we created this page a couple of years ago:

http://iomfats.org/oddsandends/meeting/goldenrules.html



Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: Meeting phone or online friends  [message #52465 is a reply to message #52447] Fri, 22 August 2008 08:03 Go to previous messageGo to next message
acam is currently offline  acam

On fire!
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Dear Timmy,

I can't fault your advice. I'm sure I was less cautious and more willing to take risks when I was 21 and wonder whether our need to be seen to give 'good' advice leads us to be more cautious in what we say than in how we act.

Love,
Anthony
Re: Meeting phone or online friends  [message #52469 is a reply to message #52465] Fri, 22 August 2008 08:41 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Fingolfin is currently offline  Fingolfin

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Timmy, that information (or advice) is pretty exhausting, but I can see Anthony's point. We all realise what others should do, but sometimes behave completely opposite. I don't know why, I just know it happens. Maybe those who give advice feel so invincible, that they take the risk... Dunno, maybe.

Marek



It is better to switch on a small light than to curse the darkness.
- Vincent Šikula, Slovak writer
Re: Meeting phone or online friends  [message #52470 is a reply to message #52465] Fri, 22 August 2008 08:42 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy

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Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
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Advice, and the listening to it and the understanding of it, is important. Nothing prevents our making a conscious choice about which to take and which to reject once we are sure we understand it.

The younger we are the more like fresh meat we are, and the more advice about safety we should take.

[Updated on: Fri, 22 August 2008 08:50]




Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: Meeting phone or online friends  [message #52475 is a reply to message #52470] Fri, 22 August 2008 09:58 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Fingolfin is currently offline  Fingolfin

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Total agreement.

But, the youths are often rebelling, not listening to well-meant advice. And then they got hurt. The problem is, what are the odds that you meet the right person or wrong person? How to distinguish them? There are signals, but not always visible to inexperienced eye.
My theory is, that when someone uses let's say online dating service to find "straight" relationship, it is more dangerous to reply, because it is far easier to find a partner of an opposite sex. Thus using dating service in this case seems perilous to me. However, we are a sexual minority. I assume that this fact gives us higher chance to find someone decent and loving even through dating service. What do you think?

Your advice is perfect in its complexity, you did a fine job. Now you can only hope that people behave according to them and their own common sense...

Marek



It is better to switch on a small light than to curse the darkness.
- Vincent Šikula, Slovak writer
Re: Meeting phone or online friends  [message #52477 is a reply to message #52475] Fri, 22 August 2008 10:19 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy

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Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796



I think we need someone who is actively dating or who has met people for dating purposes to answer. My meetings have been social, not sexual.



Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: Meeting phone or online friends  [message #52480 is a reply to message #52477] Fri, 22 August 2008 10:23 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Fingolfin is currently offline  Fingolfin

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Precisely.

That's why I called my opinion a theory. I think there are friends experienced in dating this way, who will answer to this thread. We'll see.

Marek



It is better to switch on a small light than to curse the darkness.
- Vincent Šikula, Slovak writer
Re: Meeting phone or online friends  [message #52486 is a reply to message #52480] Fri, 22 August 2008 11:27 Go to previous messageGo to next message
acam is currently offline  acam

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Location: UK
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Yes, Marek and Timmy,

I was (incidentally) making the point that when I needed advice it was 1956 and what I wanted to do was criminal.

And I was thinking, but not saying, that there are many places where it is still against the law or so unacceptable in some societies that even such good advice would appall social leaders. What advice do you give then?

"Don't take risks: don't get caught."?

OK that is over-abbreviated but essentially that's it isn't it?

Love,
Anthony
Re: Meeting phone or online friends  [message #52491 is a reply to message #52486] Fri, 22 August 2008 12:23 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796



In nations like Saudi Arabia, getting caught means death. Entrapment is not unknown.

In less ridiculous societies one may still be trapped, but by a predator. Nonetheless, meetings are possible and USUALLY safe.

All one can possibly suggest is to use common sense and discretion where it is unlawful.



Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: Meeting phone or online friends  [message #52496 is a reply to message #52469] Fri, 22 August 2008 19:12 Go to previous message
CallMePaul is currently offline  CallMePaul

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I think we forget what it is to be young and yearn for something with our whole being. We could know that some practices could be unsafe and yet do them anyway, because we are so desirous of that outcome that our imaginations can conceive. If we want that special person or relationship we can turn a blind eye to things that would normally be very obvious.

Though the youth are the ones most in need of sound advice about risk taking, it strikes me that they are also the ones most likely to ignore the advice. When we are young we have this feeling that nothing 'truly' bad could ever happen to us - it only happens to other people. It often takes sometimes tragic results of our actions to prove differently to us. It seems we aren't very capable of learning by the mistakes of others. The most we can do is offer the advice, educate them to possible consequences and then hope the mistakes they will make anyway won't be terribly tragic.:-[



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