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You are here: Home > Forum > A Place of Safety > General Talk > Don't want to go into Hospital
icon8.gif Don't want to go into Hospital  [message #52871] Tue, 02 September 2008 18:40 Go to next message
paulj is currently offline  paulj

Likes it here
Location: U.K.
Registered: June 2008
Messages: 152



HOSPITAL CHART BLOOPERS

(Actual writings from hospital charts)

1. The patient refused autopsy.

2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.

7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

9. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

12. She is numb from her toes down.

13. While in ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

14. The skin was moist and dry.

15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

23. Skin: somewhat pale but present.

24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

25. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities
Re: Don't want to go into Hospital  [message #52872 is a reply to message #52871] Tue, 02 September 2008 18:48 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796



Is #21 a midget?



Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: Don't want to go into Hospital  [message #52875 is a reply to message #52872] Tue, 02 September 2008 20:35 Go to previous messageGo to next message
JimB is currently offline  JimB

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Registered: December 2006
Messages: 349



No, he works at McDonalds.
Re: Don't want to go into Hospital  [message #52876 is a reply to message #52871] Tue, 02 September 2008 21:00 Go to previous message
CallMePaul is currently offline  CallMePaul

Really getting into it
Location: U.S.A.
Registered: April 2007
Messages: 907



>17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

Isn't that a rather deep anal probe? ;-D



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