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Who is deathly afraid of blades... in this case razor blades
the kind from like Shick or other companies
His fear is also rooted in the fact he hasnt seen his father since he was 3 and he feels a need for his papa and he keeps having emotional breakdowns and his grades are starting to slip and its not good
so how can i help him more then i already have by holding his hand and supporting him emotionally?
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JimB
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Likes it here |
Registered: December 2006
Messages: 349
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Gee Jordan, if the problem is one of shaving there isn't a need to use blades for that. I haven't used a razor for so many years I can't even remember the last time. Go to a second hand store and get your friend an electric shaver.
But it sounds like your friend's problem go far beyond a fear of blades. If he needs an older male role model have you thought about Big Brothers? Perhaps others have better suggestions for his need for his papa.
JimB
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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Can you tell us how blades are linked to his missing his father? This sounds quite complex, and may take a bit of help.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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simple
shaving... something a father teaches his son as a rite of passage
he feels its necessary for him(dont argue that point its how he feels)
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Well, if he hasn't seen his father since he was 3 it seems he will have to just deal with it.
After all, shaving is not that complicated a process.
The only rules I can think of is to always use a sharp blade and never torn your head while on a down or up stroke.
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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Well, my father never taught me. I just shaved. However he feels this to be necessary, so ask him if it would help if you, or another trusted friend, took the place of his father for this purpose.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Jordan says:
>something a father teaches his son as a rite of passage
>he feels its necessary for him (dont argue that point its how he feels)
Marc says:
>it seems he will have to just deal with it.
And just how well has that worked out for you, Marc?
Jordan, the Big Brothers idea has some merit. Your friend could stand to have a male role model. Perhaps he has some issues that he could work out with a therapist. But talking him into these things could be difficult for you.
Youth crisis hot-line 866-488-7386, 24 hr (U.S.A.)
There are people who want to help you cope with being you.
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tried that timmy
he criend and just begged for his papa it hurts my heart it does
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I wonder if the issue isn't truly one about shaving, but about the lack of a father he never knew. I'm aware of the boy Jordan is posting about, and he is being raised by a rather controlling, manipulative mother.
Youth crisis hot-line 866-488-7386, 24 hr (U.S.A.)
There are people who want to help you cope with being you.
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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That means that the problem as he states it is not the real problem. "All" it is, is a symptom of his need for an older male role model. I suspected that, and it is a hard one to handle.
This is an issue that I would be out of my depth with,and just as heart-torn as you are. However close a friend of his you are you will be unable to cope, too. There is a point when one needs a qualified professional counsellor to take the load, and this is one such point.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Paul,
I already know how to shave.
And I deal with things just fine....
But I was under the impression that this wann't about me.
Unless you insist it should be that is.
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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Paul and Marc: I think you are both right in your directness over this topic, but I would ask you both to soften the directness, please.
I do know that there is a virtue in plain speaking, but it can sometimes also look like an attack. I don't want another meltdown, please.
[Updated on: Mon, 29 September 2008 21:21]
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Jordon, there is more here than just missing a father figure. After what my father did to me I had irrational fears No one could deal with. At the childrens hospital here I saw a professional who was well versed in fears and phobias like your friend has. He needs to see and talk to someone who is trained in these matters. You and I and probably most of the guys on this forum arnt equiped to deal with things of this nature. I would suggest that he talk to a councilor at school who can then get him an appointment with the school psycologist. Stuff like this is just way out of our range. You and we can offer our love and support but he needs to see a specialist.
Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you......
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Yes, Jordan, I agree with the others that apart from being there for him it may be beyond you to meet his need.
Since his father left so long ago he must be appealing for the idea of a father. What it is in his idea of a father that he really needs is not easy to see. It may take a therapist to find out and it may take some time.
He obviously needs you to be there for him but are there others that he would accept help from? I feel that if you could sort him out you would have done so and not bothered to raise the question here. I'm concerned that you may need help to do your part.
I know nothing of your situation, but I know you are brave and can find help if you try. Please do.
Love,
Anthony
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I don't say this lightly he has no one but me
the online world is his only escape
(ironically sounds like me dont it?)
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Hi Jordan
I don't have any words of wisdom on this one (others have had good suggestions - I like the Big Brothers idea - as I have been one myself in the past).
However, I just wanted to say that you are a good friend for asking - and helping in any way you can. Too often people will simply say "I don't know how to help" and shrug their shoulders. You're going the extra step.
But I do think Timmy and a few others are probably right. He may be nervous about accepting help - but that is most likely what he needs. I think if you, given time, can convince him, that would be worth the effort.
He clearly trusts you, so that will help.
He's lucky to have you as a friend.
Centaur
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Benji
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Likes it here |
Location: USA
Registered: August 2007
Messages: 297
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Not sure I can help here, I do remember my father shaving, as brief in a momentnof time it was
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Benji
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Likes it here |
Location: USA
Registered: August 2007
Messages: 297
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Not sure how you exemplified any resolution in this matter, Did you have a positive response here? Or did your own experience belittle this persons question?
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Fingolfin
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Likes it here |
Location: Slovakia
Registered: August 2008
Messages: 265
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Hi Jordan,
I agree with both Timmy's and Curtis' suggestions. However, to push it one more step further. If nothing helps, how about trying hypnosis? Getting him to the time and circumstances when his father left... This usually helps people come to terms with their traumas.
One more thing, does he feel unwanted and does he blame himself for his father leaving? If so, he desperately needs to talk to someone about it, but is afraid and doesn't know how. That means seeing a specialist. This is up to you if you take this role of friend and supporter.
Marek
It is better to switch on a small light than to curse the darkness.
- Vincent Šikula, Slovak writer
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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If my response were negative you would not have had to ask this question. You would have known beyond a glimmer of doubt!
Now, let us all see what brilliance you can exude on the matter.......
And beyond your mouthing off,,, well, it is about as exemplified as any other post here.
One real fact is that online, there is not a lot any one can really do.
Not I, not you, not any other person on this board...
Couple that to the fact that if there were anything Jordan could have done, he already would have done it and the situation comes down to the reality that this person in distress might have to stand up and seek out real help.
Wether this person likes it or not, it might be best if he searches for his own solutions.
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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I'm not Freud but I know how to handle myself when it comes to Psychology
The problem is... I don't dare breach the topic for fear of opening up "Pandora's Box" so to speak... he seems now to be balancing himself out
He has a meeting in a few days with counselors at school and he has been thanking me endlessly for helping him... but I don't feel I did anything outside my duty.
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Fingolfin
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Likes it here |
Location: Slovakia
Registered: August 2008
Messages: 265
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OK then, see what it brings. Whether your help is still needed or he gets fine.
Am I right that he is not your boyfriend? Just someone you happen to know?
Marek
It is better to switch on a small light than to curse the darkness.
- Vincent Šikula, Slovak writer
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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What you did was to listen. Help him to make sure that he sees the school counsellor, even to the extent of offering to go to the meeting place and waiting outside for him to come out.
[Updated on: Tue, 30 September 2008 10:18]
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Fingolfin
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Likes it here |
Location: Slovakia
Registered: August 2008
Messages: 265
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This is something I can only agree with.
It is better to switch on a small light than to curse the darkness.
- Vincent Šikula, Slovak writer
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He is a close personal friend
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