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unsui
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Likes it here |
Registered: September 2007
Messages: 338
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No Message Body
[Updated on: Fri, 24 October 2008 17:17] |
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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I'd encourage it, though I have no reason except the risk of STIs to be pleased about it being solely lesbian. I wouldn't mind it being "all hers" or, if she enjoyed it, in participating, whether with a girl or a boy.
But "participating" implies that it is "just about sex", which, for me, it would be. An affair, to me, implies love as well as sex. And, since one can love more than one person, that's fine for me.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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A str8 friend of mine is going through a divorce because his wife has gone off to live with another woman. His great regret is that he can't go and punch his wife's new partner.
Hugs
N
I dream of boys with big bulges in their trousers,
Never of girls with big bulges in their blouses.
…and look forward to meeting you in Cóito.
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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Well, he can, I suppose. But assault is assault whether he hits a man or a woman.
Surely what he is feeling is "doubly betrayed" because first she has left him and second "he was never what she wanted"?
You can help with the second one, if you are close enough to him. He was what she wanted. She wanted him badly enough to be with him. She wanted everything that being with him gave her, and she was happy to give him what he wanted, too. It was just that her needs overcame her wants. Finally she was driven by her instinctive needs to be with the person she needed, even though he may have been the person she wanted.
Of course he feels like hitting someone. Probably he blames himself. It's hard to see the good luck that he has had to meet and be with her when she has left him, but she gave him a period of her life, willingly and against her needs. To me that means a lot.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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It is difficult, Michael, to be honest about this and to get it right. Sylvia is straight and if it had been otherwise and there had been a possibility I don't know which would have been more important - the fulfilment I presume she would have felt or the possible jealousy that I might have discovered in me. And the reason it is so difficult is that I have never considered it or talked to her about it.
When I met her she was having an affair with a married man and felt *really* guilty about it and I didn't make a fuss (and, of course I had told her I was predominantly gay) and really I'm quite surprised we were so adult about it.
But we decided that neither of us wanted just sex and that loving sex with other people could too easily turn into love outside our partnership with the danger that one of us might want to change partners and that the risk was one we couldn't take if we wanted to stay together and bring up children. So we agreed not to have sex with anyone else. We also agreed that if circumstances forced us to live apart for a significant time we could let each other off the agreement. We didn't agree the value of 'significant' and talking about it later discovered that I was thinking of six months and she was thinking of a fortnight!
I do think that if I were to come back from a croquet match and say "I'm sorry - I met this delightful guy and we loved each other." I would get forgiven. It has almost happened with another woman, too. And if it happened with Sylvia I would certainly forgive her and think I might even encourage her to try if she asked. PS I do think that if either of us was tempted we would ask first and act afterwards - something that wouldn't have been possible in the days before mobile phones.
You do ask the most difficult questions!
Love,
Anthony
[Updated on: Wed, 08 October 2008 12:39] |
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unsui
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Likes it here |
Registered: September 2007
Messages: 338
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No Message Body
[Updated on: Fri, 24 October 2008 17:16] |
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Thre is a group of us collectively giving him a lot of support.
Hugs
N
I dream of boys with big bulges in their trousers,
Never of girls with big bulges in their blouses.
…and look forward to meeting you in Cóito.
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Dear Michael,
I did wonder whether anyone would be amused by that. I was completely gobsmacked when she told me. What fun! But as it happens it has made no difference since we have never been apart for more than three or four days since we married in 1963.
Love,
Anthony
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unsui
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Likes it here |
Registered: September 2007
Messages: 338
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No Message Body
[Updated on: Fri, 24 October 2008 17:15] |
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Sylvia says I've got it wrong! It was three weeks! ROFL
Love,
Anthony
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