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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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Let me start by saying that this is not a "Why are we gay?" question, nor is it an "I like dicks, do you like them too?" question. I'm not asking "Which body parts do you like?" I see a dick as a pleasant accessory that comes with the fact that I am gay and like males.
What I want to know is more subtle than that. I want to know what it is about a boy that appeals to our instincts over and above a girl. I mean a whole boy versus a whole girl. I include personality, facial appearance, body form, the lot.
You see I do like girls. I find them fun, good company, good to flirt with, good as friends. I just have no interest in anything beyond friendship.
A good friend suggested "maybe we're 10 and simply never made the transition to really like girls" tongue in cheek. He may be right, but if he is then my liking of girls would not happen.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Fingolfin
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Likes it here |
Location: Slovakia
Registered: August 2008
Messages: 265
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Uff, this one's tough, Timmy...
To start with, I have a girlfriend, although last year I began to feel exclusively gay.
For me, accessories are important, and well, it's the looks that tells me "this is a boy and worth my attention" stuff. I like girls as friends and discussion partners. However, I think it's a kind of personality thing. It is said that both intellect and emotions work differently in men and women, and I know that I'm looking for similar intellectual and emotional processes that I know and use. Maybe that's the reason, an idea 'Why'.
Marek
It is better to switch on a small light than to curse the darkness.
- Vincent Šikula, Slovak writer
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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An accessory tends to be optional.
What options are available?
A horn? or perhaps a fluff of feathers?
I am confused.......
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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I mean "Boys come with dicks", but a dick is not a necessary thing for me to see and behold a boy as the necessary thing in my life.
Feathers would be cute, though
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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I think it's tough too, Marek.
I wonder if it is the equality that attracts me. Maybe removing the difference between the sexes allows me to relate better, to empathise better.
I have to go so I'll probably give another answer this evening!
Love,
Anthony
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I too have no real problem with females, though the ones i find I have more affinity towards tend to have male attributes, thin hips smallish breast and tomboyish.
I have to say to that I was always attracted to boys that acted like boys, which was a problem in that I came on to many boys that were not so disposed LOL. Nevertheless that's what really turned me on. It's also interesting that as an adult when I came out to friends they, if they really hadn't figured it out would say, "I never would have guessed, you seem like such a man's man." LOL what ever that means, Or maybe that's exactly it hehe, but I don't like football, or baseball or hockey or nascar LOL or a whole host of other so called manly things.
I'm just an individual that prefers hard tail to split tail....::-)
People will tell you where they've gone
They'll tell you where to go
But till you get there yourself you never really know
Where some have found their paradise
Other's just come to harm
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unsui
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Likes it here |
Registered: September 2007
Messages: 338
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No Message Body
[Updated on: Fri, 24 October 2008 17:15] |
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Well, arich, I learn something new every day. Today it was that hard tail and split tail are opposites. Amazing!
But I've always liked fit, athletic people but not sportsmen. The only thing I've ever done that could be called sport was rowing: I throw the sports section of the paper away without reading a word, find cricket and football (both sorts) boring - but the shape of them is much to be desired!
Love,
Anthony
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Dear Timmy, I said I'd come back to it.
I have to think about the times when I've felt like the proverbial duck 'fetched off the water' and of course if you think of it like that then it is sight that is the sense involved.
And I see male and female ballet dancers together and the woman leaves me cold. And I subscribe to YMNA a group that is supposed to be about young men naked in public and there are lots of pictures there that are of men and women together and I don't really look at the women.
And I walk about in Bristol and when I'm behind someone and can tell it's a woman I am turned off and when I can't tell I'm intrigued.
But I don't think that you intended it to be a question merely about what is visually attractive. I think you meant more than that. And when one gets beyond the superficial I think it is something about the quality of their mind that I like.
Love,
Anthony
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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I'm glad you took the word "see" and extended it. Yes, that is also what I had in mind
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Until I was ten my very best friend was a girl, but she was a real, real Tomboy.
I guess it's the form. I find the male body far more attractive. The mind too: if you think alike it removes a slew of difficulties.
I agree with Anthony when he says: when I'm behind someone and can tell it's a woman I am turned off and when I can't tell I'm intrigued.
C.
[Updated on: Wed, 08 October 2008 22:32]
"There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: Music and Cats." - Albert Schweitzer
It's like Mad Max out here: guys doing guys, girls doing girls, girls turning into guys and doing girls that used to do girls and guys!
- from Alex Truelove
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I think there are a whole host of things that make me fall for a guy rather than a girl. Some of them are immediate impact, some are assumptions, some are things I grow to appreciate. The list might include
voice - broken male voices are (to me) sexier than most womens voices
body language - there's a thing that young men in particular do, sort-of "I'm really scared and vulnerable but I'm damned if I'd admit it (even to myself)" that evokes an immediate response in me (empathy, not lust!).
yup, knowing that a guy has a dick IS important: I don't have to see it, but the potential of it becoming relevant does matter
there are fewer assumptions about traditional roles, so it's easier / more essential to talk / consider about how we actually relate
however, for me the two biggest things:
Men smell right (even if they liberally douse themselves with vile-smelling stuff like Lynx, I can still smell "man" underneath). Women simply don't - I don't mean the smell puts me off, but it doesn't turn me on.
Men feel right - the difference in the actual skin feel / texture / resilience between men and women is remarkable. This isn't just about sex, but hugs and cuddles as well.
Now, of course, I have habit and association - so when it comes to pictures or movies, things like smell are in some sense "virtually" present due to prior learning.
"The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. ... Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night devoid of stars." Martin Luther King
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I'm not sure that I can add anything that has not already been said, but I can pesonalise it to me.
Basically I adore masculinity and don't like femininity as an unapplied quality. But when applied it has to be judged on its merits, particularly as the women I do like, I like to be feminine and I am turned off by butch women and effeminate men. Transgender is not a thing for me.
I often question how much of my disposition is homosexuality and how much is misogyny.
My like of men is not all-embracing. For instance I am not keen on beefcake and bears. I am largely attracted to men who are what I am not nor have been; and so I like the athletic type including the male ballet dancer.
I love the smell of men and am repulsed by the intimate smell of women. The smell of a mens' sports changing room is itself a turn on.
I'm also turned off by transvestitism, famously the Danny La Rues and Hinge and Brackets of the entertainment world. Having said that I have a weakness for boys in girls' clothing providing that are not trying to look like girls, but like boys being boys in different clothes. The dame apart, because that is comic, I don't like the cross-dressing aspect of pantomime. I'd much rather see a male Prince Charming in tights.
The exciting thing about boywatching is that some are Greek gods while others are Neanderthals. The quest is endless.
Hugs
N
PS - I forgot the sexy broken voice.
[Updated on: Thu, 09 October 2008 08:25]
I dream of boys with big bulges in their trousers,
Never of girls with big bulges in their blouses.
…and look forward to meeting you in Cóito.
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I agree about the smell, NW. I'd forgotten that and it used to be important to me, but I've largely lost my sense of smell during the last twenty years. Another of the things Timmy won't appreciate by looking! But I've never used a deodorant although I do like scented soap.
Love,
Anthony
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Yes, Nigel,
I'm with you on effeminacy and transvestism for the most part but found there are exceptions - what do you think of RuPaul?
Love,
Anthony
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Fingolfin
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Likes it here |
Location: Slovakia
Registered: August 2008
Messages: 265
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I agree with you, both. Trans and effeminate is a turn off. Male behaviour, male looks, athletic... YES.
Marek
It is better to switch on a small light than to curse the darkness.
- Vincent Šikula, Slovak writer
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And interesting colloquialism i came across some 30 years ago when i was in proximity to some, what we call outlaw bikers, like the "Hells Angels" though these guys were "Banditos" a rival group to the hell's angels and probably a bit more unsavory. Needless to say I got the hell out of Dodge that day as quickly as i could! LOL I didn't like the way the conversation way headed, didn't want to be their toy for the evening......
About the only thing I did come away with besides a case of the jitters was the little phrase, and this is maybe the third time I've used it in the intervening years. ::-)
People will tell you where they've gone
They'll tell you where to go
But till you get there yourself you never really know
Where some have found their paradise
Other's just come to harm
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unsui
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Likes it here |
Registered: September 2007
Messages: 338
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No Message Body
[Updated on: Fri, 24 October 2008 17:14] |
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Sorry, Anthony, RuPaul is beyond my ken.
Hugs
N
I dream of boys with big bulges in their trousers,
Never of girls with big bulges in their blouses.
…and look forward to meeting you in Cóito.
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I'm unable to find the picture of RuPaul that turned me on, Nigel,
but I'll attach a couple of pictures. In the picture I remember he was more androgynous and not so convincing a woman - and that was what I liked. And the brown skin turns me on too whether it is a suntan or the natural skin colour.
Yes, I know - I'm a pervert!
Love,
Anthony
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Attachment: rupaul6ud.gif
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Attachment: a RuPaul.jpg
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If I may suggest. I thought about this a lot over the years. I think a lot of it is the comfort zone. We feel comfortable because we know what they expect. We know what they would enjoy, we empathize and therefore know each other's needs before we touch.
That's how your gaydar works I think as well. You make eye contact and silent information is exchanged. It either puts you at ease or on guard.
I think our pheromone receptors are also slanted towards that of female so we are also turned on by the male pheromones. It makes your senses heightened causing you to take more notice of the eyes, face and sexual areas of the body. Those combined make for a powerful lusting and oft time a powerful relationship.
At least that's how I perceive it.
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Dear Ricky,
You speak for yourself. Some of us are so rusty that we DON'T know what 'they' expect. We don't have any confidence in our gaydar and we'd absolutely be delighted if we thought the pheromones were active!
By the way; welcome! I'm glad to see someone around here that is active in more ways than posting messages! But I have to confess to being 73 years old and to having hang-ups that I'm going to take some time to get over.
Love,
Anthony
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Thanks, Anthony. I understand now.
Hugs
N
I dream of boys with big bulges in their trousers,
Never of girls with big bulges in their blouses.
…and look forward to meeting you in Cóito.
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