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Good day to you.
I'm having another one of my boredom mood swings. Yes, I know we all have those. How's your day going? Hopefully better then mine. Then again I could be lying, but you'll never know. So I get to play with you to keep you in suspence. Those who think they know me, don't, and those who say they love me, are lying, even if they deny it themselves.
So have a nice day, whatever it is you fill your day with.
~Josh~
21.
Love who you want to.
~Josh~
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Good day, Josh, but maybe it had better start tomorrow as there's not much left of this one.
My day was mostly tidying up my desk which I ought to have done a week ago. I found some things I'd forgotten to do there too.I can afford to leave it because I'm retired and can choose what to waste my time on.
What do you spend your days on? I know you write a lot of poems, but have no idea about the rest of it.
Love,
Anthony
PS the 'Love' is just a conventional greeting: I'm not coming on to you.
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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Have you ever considered actually interacting with people here? I don't recall a single time you've taken part in a thread that you didn't start. I could be wrong, of course.
The best way to get folks to play with you is to ask if you can play with them, not to ask them to play with you.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Hey Timmy
Josh here. I wanted to reply to this earlier but things came up and stuff. I'm sorry for saying what I said in that post. When I get bored, I don't really care about anything. I'm not using that as an excuse, it's just the way it is with me.
I'm sorry if I offended anyone in my post. This really is a good place to be. It's had good and bad times but we're all a little older then yesterday.
Anyway, I'm sorry if I offended anyone. Please forgive me.
~Josh~
21.
Love who you want to.
~Josh~
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Hi Josh,
I woke up to this sight in my back yard. The leaves are in full color here in Pennsylvania.
This morning I mountain biked for about 2 hours so I could enjoy the color of the trees and the falling leaves up close. This afternoon, I washed the cars and got the other bicycle ready for a century ride tomorrow in Bucks County PA where I will be riding through 6 different covered bridges in the area.
Yeah, life can be pretty good. Enjoy.
Scott
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[Updated on: Sun, 19 October 2008 01:42]
Cycling is the one sport where a guy can shave his legs, wear spandex and bright colors, and be accepted.
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Scott,
I'm glad it's you mowing it and not me... lol. Pretty though.
Youth crisis hot-line 866-488-7386, 24 hr (U.S.A.)
There are people who want to help you cope with being you.
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unsui
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Likes it here |
Registered: September 2007
Messages: 338
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No Message Body
[Updated on: Fri, 24 October 2008 17:00] |
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my trees in my little speck of PA look nothing like yours
GRRR you have better trees beautiful too
and GO Chester County its better then Bucks
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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I don't think anyone was offended. I am making a serious point to you. If you are, for example, bored, or lonely, it is far better to work out how to play with others than to try to get others to play with you.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Dear Michael.
Hi. How are you? I'm going to be as (hopefully) honest as I can be about this.
It is true that I don't like itwhen people flirt with me.. I'm not exactly anti-social, but I find it difficult to interact with people. Now, obviously, I can see how a negative attitude turns people off. I still have anger issues that still aren't resolved. I doubt my anger issues with my dad will ever be resolved. To this day, I still have an anger problem, where I lash out any anything or anyone. I know it's not healthy, but it's the way things are.
I don't hate anyone here. Everyone here is a nice person. It seems strange to me if a random person you don't know comes up and starts saying "I love you", as I'm sure it would for anyone. Unless you know the person enough, I don't think it's a good thing to start saying that.
I was watching the Tyra Banks Show the other day, and it was about kids (15 year old kids) saying they wanted to be married. This was shocking, and disturbing to me. I'm 20 years old, as most of you know, and I've never gone out with anyone, and never kissed anyone. I have been kissed by someone, but I didn't like it, so I say I've never been kissed. It's better for me that way so I don't have to think about it.
When I was around 16 or 17, I 'met' a guy online, that I had never known, or met. His name was Luke. One of our first conversations on MSN was about how he apparently liked me. I thought that was strange, but I was naive at the time, so I said I liked him back. I was so pathetic at that age, willing to believe anything anyone told me. MSN and a computer was my refuge, since I didn't have many friends, and was always picked on in High School. If someone said something I didn't like, I'd keep quiet about it, because I was very much introverted, and didn't want to get my feelings hurt.
Online relationships, in my view, never work out. I'm not trying to start an arguement there, just saying what I think. If you become so dependant on something that your entire day, and natural life is spent waiting for someone who you can only chat with on MSN, it's really bad for you. I know that for a fact. I've done some really stupid things in my life, even though I'm only 20 years old, and as a result, have gotten my computer privilages taken away from me. I now own my own computer, but the same rule still applies.
Once I was looking at nude pictures of boys making out, and I knew it was wrong, but I was apparently fascinated by it or something. Bob (my real dad; not my asshole of a father that I was born with <<--- thats a different story) called me to his room and explained to me that was I was looking at was Child Porn. I felt very different. I knew it was wrong, and I didn't want to look at those pictures anymore.
I kknow there are peadophiles in the world, who get pleasure at looking at pictures of children doing sexual things. This to me is disgusting, and wrong. Children are just that, children. They shouldn't be made to be as objects. Abuse by any means, is something that I do not approve of.
At the moment, I've forbidden myself from dating. I'm just not comfortable with dating right now, and that's perfectly fine. Maybe there will come a time where I'm comfortable with dating. I don't know, but I do know that right now isn't the time for me.
I hope that this has helped explain how I feel. This forum is a great place. Feel free to reply to this if it's something you want to talk about. Talk to you later.
~Josh~
21.
Love who you want to.
~Josh~
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unsui
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Likes it here |
Registered: September 2007
Messages: 338
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No Message Body
[Updated on: Fri, 24 October 2008 16:59] |
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Dear Michael.
I've just now read your post. Thanks for replying to mine.
Another thing about me is that I get angry quite often now, as much as I tell myself that anger is pointless. Sometimes I just want to scream at everyone. Not because it's a reliever, but just because I find most everyone to be annoying. When I'm angry, every little thing bugs me so much. If I find the ticking of a clock annoying, I'll go to my room and sit on my bed to meditate.
My real dad (not my step dad) and I were talking one day, and I told him that I meditate to get relieved from anger. He told me there is a right and wrong way to meditate. I choose to ignore him on this matter, because my dad (real one) to me is someone I will never come to terms with. I do not want to come to terms with my dad on anything.
I've written my dad several letters, telling him how I feel about him (mostly all of it, if not all) is negative. I can't forgive him, and I just don't want to. I know that what is in the past, is in the past. It has to stay there. It can't come back and bite my head off. My anger is something that stemmed from my dad. He was always angry all the time, and even when he wasn't, it wouldn't take much to set him off. My dad got angry at my Mom a lot when they were living together.
As a result of this, it's hard for me to connect to people. I know the problem is mainly my anger, and it totally sucks. I wish I could be one of those people who rarely shows emotion, or talks. I figure if I were like that, if I avoided people, then I wouldn't always be venting all the time. I know there's a heck of a lot of things wrong with the world right now, and I mainly use that to vent on.
But I also know there are good things in the world to. People are trying to come up with ways to end poverty, and saving the environment. I'm a fan of nature and animals, so I don't like it when people burn things down to make room for new things. Right across the street from where I live, there's a house that is now in place of where a nice field was. I used to watch the sun rise every morning when I was getting on the bus to go to school. It was one of the few things I had to look forward to when going to school.
If I was going to experiment, I don't think I could. I know I'm fragile emotionally, as much as it may seem like I'm not, but it's not like I don't want anyone in my life. I love my friends, and people I care about, therefore I don't need to go out with someone to be happy. That's the way I look at things. I don't think it's wrong, but it's what I'm comfortable with. I'm not saying I'll be abstinant or asexual my entire life. I'm just not comfortable with being with someone. All three of my sisters are in relationships. One is married and has an awesome time! The other two are in relationships. One of which is engaged. I'm happy for her. The other one, my younger sister is with someone that I don't like. I've seen what happens in a relationship (the bad side of it) and that's why I don't want to be in a relationship. I don't want to get my feelings hurt again.
I know there are people who just in general aren't friendly people, and that's fine. People should act and live how they want to. I have no problem with that. I don't necessarily think there is a "Right Person" for anyone. If we base what we want a person to be like, and they really aren't what we want, would we not want to be with such a person? Anyway, this again is just something to think about.
Feel free to comment if you want to talk about what I've posted.
~Josh~
21.
Love who you want to.
~Josh~
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Dear Josh,
Have you talked to your sisters about what they think makes for a good relationship? Maybe they would have some things to say that would interest you.
If you are not interested at present in other people then I guess you have other interests. Your poetry is about relationships and the emotions connected to them - or some of it is. What are your other interests?
What would you go out to see or hear? What sort of an invitation would you jump at (I mean accept eagerly)?
If you think you get too angry or that your anger gets out of control, have you thought about learning how to control it? You don't need the money for a therapist if you can find a suitable self-help group - and that might be both interesting and valuable; maybe even fun to do.
Forgive me for thinking it but I get the impression that you often sit sadly by yourself and mope. Is that a false impression?
Have you decided what sort of a person you want to become? It is getting to be time you did as making a big change after, say, 25 is hard to do.
If you haven't decided, it might be something to think about. If you do decide, thinking about how to manage becoming that person would be a very positive endeavour.
Please ignore this if you feel I'm telling you what to do. These are merely suggestions made in ignorance of the person you really are - after all you haven't shown us on this site much of yourself yet.
Love,
Anthony
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unsui
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Likes it here |
Registered: September 2007
Messages: 338
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No Message Body
[Updated on: Fri, 24 October 2008 16:58] |
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Fingolfin
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Likes it here |
Location: Slovakia
Registered: August 2008
Messages: 265
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You can find lots of pieces of advice above...
I have something different...
I like you. In this case I am not coming on to you. It is a statement that I like what I read when you write it. About yourself, your poetry, your lyrics etc.
I will not write 'I love you', because that expression is saved for people I know well and truly love. I like you. Period.
Therefore I wish you all the best. Many people suffer from inner demons, problems, doubts. You are no exception. Neither are I. Nor anyone else on this forum. We all fight them the way we find appropriate. You chose your path. I hope it turns out to be a benefit to you. Good luck...
Marek
It is better to switch on a small light than to curse the darkness.
- Vincent Šikula, Slovak writer
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I think Mark hit the nail squarely on the head. When you follow the posts on this forum over a long period of time you begin to realize that all posters here have inner demons of some sort or other. For many of us, this forum is a means of shining some light on them - to help us examine them in the light of day. We can intuitively know something but to put it into print where others can read it seems to crystallize it for us. Plus the input from others can be helpful as well.
Thank you for your honesty, Josh. And I can insure you that you are in some fairly good company here. But now the hard part: you need to earnestly work on these problems. I've utilized professional help in order to chase some of my demons. It was well worthwhile because we can't work everything out on our own. And let's face it, friends can give advice but we are a far cry from the experts than can give truly helpful advice. There is no shame in seeking therapy and I think the future Josh would be ever so grateful to you for doing so.
Whatever you decide to do, I wish you the very best fortune and pray that you will have a bright and happy future.
Youth crisis hot-line 866-488-7386, 24 hr (U.S.A.)
There are people who want to help you cope with being you.
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I have good days and I have bad. Mostly these days it's medical problems. Today wasn't that brilliant.
I'm not saying I like you, I'm not saying I love you. Why? I don't know you.
But it does sadden me that you seem so bitter and in a way resentful for whatever reason. I would guess whatever has caused this you have been bottling up for far too long, and you need a friend - of your choice - to unload this pent-up emotion to.
I'm also guessing that given the necessary trigger you could be quite "explosive" in your responses.
I hope you find whatever it is you need to help yourself sort out these corrosive emotions, so that you can move on and be truly happy in life.
Mike.
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Many many people "act" the way they have been conditioned to act. Not by choice... but for survival....
That doesn't make it any easier when admitting to it, but it is a way of dealing with issues that are difficult for whatever reason.
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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Josh, we havent talked much and we dont know each other, but I want to tell you that Paul is right. What my father did to me was not only a sin but it was criminal. The internal anger that developed became something I couldnt deal with on my own and even my family couldnt deal with it.. It took professional help to get me thru the cloud of anger and hate that was engulfing me. The love of my family and the love of my best friend helped me thru the worst of it, but talking things out with someone who knew how to see things and how to help me deal with them. I like to think that Im now pretty well adjusted (well maybe not intirely), at least I can now deal with my moods and how I am feeling. My best friend is my lover and life looks pretty durn good right now.
Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you......
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Dear Curtis,
You wrote:
I like to think that Im now pretty well adjusted (well maybe not intirely), at least I can now deal with my moods and how I am feeling.
I reckon you are doing better than most of us if that's true. And I never had any of the bad things happen to me such as you did.
But this thread is really for Josh, who doesn't seem to have got through to a happy settled life. And we don't really know why or how to help, however much we'd like to.
Can you tell us, Josh?
Love,
Anthony
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Hey All.
Yes. I'm still here. I've read all your replies. Thanks for taking the time to do so.
The wierdest thing about me, is I can't talk to people about these things, whatever they are, so I write them down for people to read as they please. I'm generally a happy person. I tend to get too hyper sometimes and mom tells me to settle down. It happens quite frequently.
The past is the past. One can't live regretting everything. That's what I've told myself. My previous posts have been the result of either boredom or mood swings. I write extremely depressing things when I'm bored. Not to let anything out, just for the heck of it.
Even if I wish to have a stoic personality, and even if I wish to rarely talk again, it's not going to work, because that isn't who I am.
I've over complicated the issue of 'who I am' in the past. I used to think there was some grand thing we humans were supposed to do. Change the world or something. Life isn't a cartoon, that's (to me) quite obvious.
And I used to think that if I lived with all my friends online in a fancy house, I'd be happy. Maybe then I wouldn't have the issues that I have. but that's really not going to happen, so why worry about it.
I'm actually really grateful. I have a house to live in, food to eat, my own room, so I'm pretty lucky. Because I know a lot of kids (and I know I'm still just a kid) don't have that luxery. You don't have to be rich to be happy in life. I actually think if I was rich, growing up in a rich family, I'd be the most spoiled brat on the block. (laughs) But again, that's not going to happen, so I should be grateful for what I have. And I am.
One of my hobbies of sorts, is watching shows like "Dragons Den" or the Tyra Banks Show. Their good shows, and I watch them in my spare time when there's nothing else to do. Sometimes I get bored so I turn off the TV and check to I have messages from people.
In my view, one of the stupidest things I"ve done is have online relationships with people. And when I say that, I mean extremely 'intimate' conversations with random people. I love who I love, and that's not gonna change. I used to be so naive, and probably still am. I went to a 30 year old gay guys house and ended up getting kissed by the guy on the first day. I was really stupid at that time, and that was this year too. So I am still naive.
I don't want a relationship right now. It's fine if you like me, just please don't flirt with me. It makes me uncomfortable. I'm a loner, so it's better if I don't have people flirting with me.
Anyway, that's really all I'm gonna say for right now. Talk to you all later.
~Josh~
21.
Love who you want to.
~Josh~
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unsui
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Likes it here |
Registered: September 2007
Messages: 338
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No Message Body
[Updated on: Fri, 24 October 2008 19:20] |
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Michael.
No. And No.
~Josh~
21.
Love who you want to.
~Josh~
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unsui
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Likes it here |
Registered: September 2007
Messages: 338
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No Message Body
[Updated on: Fri, 24 October 2008 16:57] |
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