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1 because I talk too much.
Love,
Anthony
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Fingolfin
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Likes it here |
Location: Slovakia
Registered: August 2008
Messages: 265
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2.
In case of 1, you may get the chance to explain, in case 2 you only regret...
It is better to switch on a small light than to curse the darkness.
- Vincent Šikula, Slovak writer
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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Tempo wrote:
> What Hurts The Most...
These depend on what is said and why. In my situation of unrequited love:
> 1> saying something and wishing you had not?
If I had spoken I might have been hurt by the answer, and the aftermath of the answer.
> 2> saying nothing, and wishing you had?
By not speaking and then my own actions in never allowing the issue to surface, I condemned myself to most of my life in self created pain. That pain has been far worse than any aftermath of speaking could ever have been.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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# 2
aqua
There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love. Washington Irving
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Mike, an either/or answer is impossible. Depending on the circumstances, either might be applicable. Sorry to prevaricate.
J F R
The paradox has often been noted that the United States, founded in secularism, is now the most religiose country in Christendom, while England, with an established church headed by its constitutional monarch, is among the least. (Richard Dawkins, 2006)
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JimB
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Likes it here |
Registered: December 2006
Messages: 349
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#1.
JimB
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I have to vote for number two.
But now I'm really, really curious as to why you posted the questions, Tempo. Is it something you feel comfortable sharing with the board?
Youth crisis hot-line 866-488-7386, 24 hr (U.S.A.)
There are people who want to help you cope with being you.
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james
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Getting started |
Location: England
Registered: September 2008
Messages: 24
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hmmmmmm
i think you should all;ways speak your mind, then if wrong you can say sorry.
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So, James, you are a 1, like me!
Love,
Anthony
But I'd like to know what Tempo thinks and why he asked.
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#1 hurts more as you can't take it back. With #2 there is the chance of eventually saying something.
Hugs
N
I dream of boys with big bulges in their trousers,
Never of girls with big bulges in their blouses.
…and look forward to meeting you in Cóito.
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2 I feel for much the same reasons as others have said.. You get a chance to restore later ... possibly
Paul J.
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Cameron
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Toe is in the water |
Registered: January 2008
Messages: 70
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Number 1 for me. Words can't be un-said. You can apologize forever, but you can never make it as though they never heard it. Once said, it's always 'out there'.
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If I'm not careful, if I'm tired or ignorant, I find it very easy to be insensitive and tactless. There are many things I've said that I've deeply regretted -- years later I still feel guilty about them, particularly where family and good friends are involved. Those people might not remember them now, but I do, and I'm far too embarrassed to ask whether they remember or not.
On the other hand, while there have been lots of times I've thought I should have said (or indeed done) something, very few of them do I remember with actual pain. Mild regret is much more easily dismissed and forgotten.
So, definitely the first. By several orders of magnitude.
David
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It varies a bit with circumstances, but nearly always (for me) the first - saying something and wishing I had not - is the thing to avoid.
It isn't really a question of what hurts most, but who it hurts: if I say nothing I usually hurt only myself, and I know that I can take it. If I speak out and hurt someone else, I've really no idea how hurt they are, nor how well they deal with it.
Worst of all, of course, is speaking out when I have no idea it's something the other person is sensitive about or likely to be offended by - upsetting people by accident is truly horrible. Intentionally running the risk of upsetting them can sometimes be justified (coming out to my father, for example, in my case) ... if it's a positive decision like that, I'm unlikely to subsequently wish that I hadn't spoken out.
"The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. ... Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night devoid of stars." Martin Luther King
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After reading a poem I had written some time ago, a flood of emotion seemed to overcome me. While dwelling on these emotions I wrote this poem, it may help to explain my original post.
Unspoken...
As the Sun rose up above my head,
I leave this land with much unsaid.
To pass the time was now my goal,
To live alone a broken soul.
Out of reach like the Moon and stars,
Round my head I'm chasing cars.
A burning flames secluded light,
Like the thought of you still burning bright.
In a blackened heart made of pain,
I still use your name to keep me sane.
Our time had passed and you moved on,
I still struggle to fathom that you were gone.
I walk the road in hope to find,
A reason in time to rest my mind.
But a dimming glow and faulting belief,
Leads my heart to find no relief.
I will push on with a budding need,
To learn and grow and nurture the seed.
I will succeed of that I've no doubt,
I will live and sing and dance and shout.
I have realised now I don't need you here,
But the thought of you still holds me dear.
I will move on with time I'm sure,
But a feeling like this has no cure.
By : Michael-Kent Dobison
"And so the lion fell in love with the Lamb"
"What a stupid Lamb"
"What a sick, masochistic lion"
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Dear Tempo,
You made me think of a poem "The definition of love" by Andrew Marvell. It seems to me to address some of what your poem does. Do you know it?
If not, here is a link:
http://www.poetry-archive.com/m/the_definition_of_love.html
I remember reading it to Peter in the days when all homosexual acts were illegal in the UK.
Love,
Anthony
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