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Hello.
How are you? I'm alright. Just finished watching the Maury show. It's on at 3:00 on Fox Rochester where I live. I hardly watch it anymore actually. Mostly, I write poems or play video games. I'll have a job in January. First one. I'm a little nervous right now, it'll probably excel as January gets closer. It'll be at Walmart in the Pet department. It's kinda nice actually. I'm a little nervous.
I got a new computer.  It's really cool. It's got Windows Vista on it. I like Vista. It's got a lot of hard drive space on it. I'll probably get some computer software for Christmas. Though I'm not sure what I want to add to it. I already have everything I want on it, which is pretty much only Firefox and a program to write poems in.
I know that I post a lot of depressing poems on here. Thanks for reading them. Heh. I'm thinking of myself as a five year old kid. Kids are so cute, aren't they. Not really many cares in the world, as long as their with their Mother. I wonder why they tend to bond more with the Mother then the Father.
I keep switching my music in Windows Media Player. Yesterday, I went to bed at 1:00 AM and woke up at 4:00 AM. I just couldn't sleep. I have a heater on full blast in my room, which is good, cause if it's off it get very cold in my room. Around 7:00 I took a walk outside in the cold for around 40 minutes. It was refreshing. I was very cold, but it was nice. I felt a little frozen actually. I didn't freeze though. I wanted to make it all the way to the blue Belleville sign, but decided not to. On the way back it was nice. Though I was really cold, I got to see the sun come up, so that was a nice thing to see.
Before I left, I had to make sure three times that I closed the door correctly. I sometimes have to triple-check things so I know. I didn't want Mom and Bob to wake up to a cold house. When I came back, it took a while to warm up.
I have this five year old voice in my head saying this as I type it. Is that odd? That's okay. I'm still me regardless. I apparently have a disability called asphbergers syndrome. It's got a wierd spelling huh.
The reason why I called this: "Still got a problem of mine." is because I still have a major problem with pornography. Today, I haven't looked at any, and I've made sure of that. But it is so hard not to. I want to make it clear, that I hate looking at it. It's still an addiction that I have, and I wish it would go away. I only actually look at porn when I want to J/O (jack-off.) Everytime I do that, and I look at porn while doing it, I feel a rush of some sort. But then after it's all done, I feel very sad. I know it's wrong, and if it's not, I feel that it is. I always tell myself afterwords that I'll never do it again. So far, I haven't. I have to be the one to stop, and I know that. This is basically Day 1 that I haven't looked at any. It's a starting point for me. Everything's gotta start somewhere. This is my 20 year old voice in my head now.
Anyway, I'll let ya go, nii-chan. I don't think of myself as a five year old, but it's better that I do. That way I don't think I'll act like I do.
Bye for now.
~Josh~
21.
Love who you want to.
~Josh~
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Dear Josh,
Thank you for that. They say confession is good for the soul I don't have a soul but have confessed quite a lot on this site that I never had the courage to admit before - and I'm 73 years old. I hope telling us that made you feel a little better.
I think you need to get better at forgiving yourself for the things you do that you don't like yourself for. Would that be too hard to try to do?
I am interested to hear you have Asperger's syndrome (that's how I spell it but I'm british). There is a wonderful book about a boy with Asperger's called "The curious incident of the dog in the night time". It's a sort of detective story but with no detective - the boy solves the mystery.
Most children, both boys and girls, relate better to their mothers because their mothers do more of the work of feeding them and looking after them. But when they are a bit grown up then sometimes little girls think they have a wonderful daddy and sometimes big boys do things with their father like sport and going fishing or hunting or climbing mountains even.
My father wasn't like that. He didn't do such things and as I grew up we got further apart.
I think almost all men J/O sometimes - even the married ones (they don't admit it, of course). I don't think porn helps. It doesn't help me because I have the wrong sort of imagination. I can't look at a picture and turn it into a fantasy to J/O to so, for me, porn and sex aren't so closely related.
And, although I'm not proud of it, I don't see how looking at porn is bad - unless I were foolish enough to think the world was like that and the people in the world were sex objects. Maybe it would have had some such effect on me if I had started young, but for me porn practically only started with Playgirl and the internet and so I guess I was about 50 and set in my ways. It was too late to corrupt me then as if I wasn't corrupt by then it was never going to happen!
I wish you the best in your new job. I certainly don't think you should worry about it because I'm sure you will be able to do it and that if you try you will be good at it.
Love,
Anthony
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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I have a little understanding of Asperger's, Josh. My wife at one point was a one to one school carer for a little boy on the spectrum.
She taught him all sorts of strategies that allowed him to work out how to interact with others, how to understand when to interact and when not to, how to read their faces as happy or sad.
One thing she would suggest is for you to practice interactions with others. The board will do that with you. She'd say "don't just make your own posts, go and answer some other people's posts too."
She'd also tell you not to worry about pornography.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Thanks Timmy. *hugs*
By the way, how does it feel surrounded by royality? I'll start interacting with others. Thanks for that.
~Josh~
21.
Love who you want to.
~Josh~
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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Just so that you know for sure, social interaction is something that is not as natural as folk would have you believe. We all have to learn how to do it.
Always remember "May I play with you?" is far more successful that "will you play with me?" Both work, but the first one makes the other person feel important, so works better.
Practice by reading other folk's posts, and answer some of the points they raise. You don't need to answer everything, just the ones that seem to you to be the most interesting.
hahhaah the royalty part? They just live here. We never see them
[Updated on: Fri, 21 November 2008 00:09]
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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I thought the royalty part would make you laugh. Thanks.
~Josh~
21.
Love who you want to.
~Josh~
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yusime
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Likes it here |
Location: United States
Registered: April 2008
Messages: 195
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Hi Josh, I've never looked up asperger's syndromn before. I more than likly have the same syndromn I'm not partacuilarly orginazed, I go on and on about topics people couldn't care less about. I ramble when I type or talk. I obsess over spelling, history, even when people are annoyed with me for doing so. I obsess over information that most people would never even think important. I have over 100 video tapes and enjoy constantly recording shows, movies, music and other things. Sometimes I even tape the same thing 3 times before I realize I already had it taped. I find interaction with most people to be very akward unless its one to one. I even post on the forum as though I'm only writing to one person that way I can handle dealing with people. I typically shut down when in large enviornments with many people.
I've already said that I'm prone to rambeling. I think most people here were able to tell by now.
He who joyfully marches in rank and file has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake since for him a spinal cord would suffice. Albert Einstein
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Yes, Pat, but it was a friendly ramble and it did feel as if you were talking to me and not a public meeting.
My mother often accused my father of talking as if he were addressing a public meeting. I wonder if he had the opposite of Asperger's and couldn't manage the one-to-one relationships too well.
Is there a name for the opposite of Asperger's?
Love,
Anthony
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acam wrote:
My mother often accused my father of talking as if he were addressing a public meeting.
Queen Victoria complained that her Liberal prime minister, Gladstone, "always addresses me as if I were a public meeting." Maybe that's why she adored Gladstone's Conservative opponent, D'israeli.
J F R
The paradox has often been noted that the United States, founded in secularism, is now the most religiose country in Christendom, while England, with an established church headed by its constitutional monarch, is among the least. (Richard Dawkins, 2006)
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Pat, your self-description very much reminds me of myself. I have been told, independently by two different psychiatrists, that I have attention deficit disorder (ADD). I took an inventory (questionnaire) and scored three standard deviations above normal for it. (In other words, it would be very unusual for people without ADD to score as high as I did.)
I love Wikipedia! When I look something up, I can spend hours following links to unrelated topics and even editing some articles where I noticed a misspelling or grammar error, and not even remember what I was looking up in the first place. Or I walk into a room to get something and cannot remember what it is that I wanted. Or I will be in the kitchen, cooking something, but I need to throw some stuff into a recycling container that is in my room, and while I am there I notice my computer and remember an e-mail need to write, and eventually I am lost in the computer and have forgotten about the kitchen, until I smell something burning.
I have a love-hate relationship with ADD. It is part of who I am, and I find myself smiling when I notice some quirky thing that I do. Smiles are really great and have been found to promote mental health. (OK, I wrote that last part on purpose, as an illustration of how easy it is for me to go on a tangent.) What I am saying is that for me, ADD is not like depression, about which I find no redeeming qualities. It is something about me that I have learned to love.
It is easy to fall into the trap of diagnosing other people without knowing much about them, and I do not want to do that with you. As you do more self-exploration and reading, and perhaps even talk with a mental health professional, you will come to your own conclusion.
There are strategies that ADD people can use, to help focus and to remind ourselves of stuff we need to do. There are also some medicines that are supposed to help a person focus, but I cannot tell the difference between taking them and not taking them.
I once saw a funny tee shirt, with the words, "Some people say I have ADD, but I don't think ...oh, look, a chicken!"
Love yourself. Be well. Hugs,
Peter
"Tu non altro che il canto avrai del figlio, o materna mia terra..."
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Dear Pedro,
I don't think I have the ADD disability, but my name is Anthony Camacho and My grandmother was Sarmiento and her mother was Lleras.
And going upstairs and not remembering what you wnet for is nothing to do with ADD - it's old age. My friend Dave Parker says you can tell if you are getting old if, when you bend down to pick something off the floor, you look round before straightening up to see if there's anything else you should do while you are down there!
Love,
Anthony
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From Wikipedia:
Asperger syndrome (also called Asperger's syndrome, Asperger's disorder, Asperger's or AS) is the autism spectrum disorder (ASD) in which there is no general delay in language or cognitive development. Like other ASDs, it is characterized by difficulties in social interaction and restricted, stereotyped patterns of behavior and interests. Although not mentioned in standard diagnostic criteria for AS, physical clumsiness and atypical use of language are frequently reported.
I think that asking what is the opposite of AS is like asking what is the opposite of one-half, or one-third, or however far AS is from the end of the continuum.
Some of the most successful and creative technical innovators here in Silicon Valley (California, South SF Bay Area) have AS.
peter
"Tu non altro che il canto avrai del figlio, o materna mia terra..."
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acam wrote:
> Dear Pedro,
>
> I don't think I have the ADD disability, but my name is Anthony Camacho and My grandmother was Sarmiento and her mother was Lleras.
don Antonio,
Thank you for your kind response. What lovely Spanish names those are, especially Lleras. Do you know if your ancestors came from the small town of Llera, Spain, in the Province of Badajoz, Extremadura? In the Americas, a lot of people of the family Lleras seem to have arrived in Colombia.
Actually, Castaña is a hispanization of last name, which is French. Most of my ancestors were French or English. To avoid problems with non-ASCII letters (I think I have just dated myself!), I used the spelling of the Catalan language. Back when some of the other Spanish languages split from Castilian, there was no letter ñ (which was originally two letters n, one on top of the other), so that, for instance, Latin annus, year, became año in Castilian, any in Catalan, and anyo, in Judeo-Spanish (Ladino).
My name is really Peter. When I was trying to come up with a login name that someone else hadn't already used on various servers, the name I use here worked.
> And going upstairs and not remembering what you wnet for is nothing to do with ADD - it's old age. My friend Dave Parker says you can tell if you are getting old if, when you bend down to pick something off the floor, you look round before straightening up to see if there's anything else you should do while you are down there!
>
That's good! And here you have the reason why I should be cautious in speculating what Pat's situation is. It is easy to glom onto something that one knows about and assume that other people have it, too. Not everyone who forgets stuff has ADD, but I am pretty sure that I do. (And yes, I am getting up there in years.)
> Love,
> Anthony
Kisses to you, Anthony. Thanks for introducing yourself more fully to me.
peter
http://tinyurl.com/qs5yh
"Tu non altro che il canto avrai del figlio, o materna mia terra..."
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Presumably Peter Chestnut?
Hugs
N
I dream of boys with big bulges in their trousers,
Never of girls with big bulges in their blouses.
…and look forward to meeting you in Cóito.
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Oh yes! Peter, my grand parents (on my father's side) WERE born in Bogota, Colombia. I believe I have relations there as well as in Spain but don't know any of them or even have a single name and address. I don't know where in Spain they came from.
I think it must have been within a year or two of 1950 when a strongly scented little man wearing a purple front and gaiters knocked on our front door and demanded to see my grandmother.
It turned out he was a Cardinal of the church of Rome and they took over the sitting room and talked all evening breaking graciously to allow my mother to feed them dinner. He was her cousin and they went through all their cousins and agreed what each of them was doing. The list at that time included the presidents (or heads of state with other titles) of five latin american republics! I should have taken notes so that I could give you the names and details, but I guess I was fifteen or so and was overawed by them (in particular by the strength of his scent) - and they spoke mostly in Spanish which, I never learned.
Love,
Anthony
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Nigel wrote:
> Presumably Peter Chestnut?
Chest, or anywhere else you want.
Castanea sativa: In modern French it's marron, but in old French it was chastaigne. The word eventually became chesten in English, and the nut was chesten nut, which became the name of the tree itself.
I always knew I was nuts.
> I dream of boys with big bulges in their trousers, Never of girls with big bulges in their blouses. …and look forward to meeting you in Cóito.
I've always considered this quotation quite lovely. Is it original with you?
I guess I'm glad I don't have Coito for a last name. Apparently, some people do: http://www.genealogytoday.com/surname/finder.mv?Surname=Coito
"Tu non altro che il canto avrai del figlio, o materna mia terra..."
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I have a great nephew who has Aspengers syndrom. To make is simple they are high fuctoning Autistic children. My nephew is very loving and very articulate, in fact he won a prize in school for being the smartist. There is also someone on this forum who I love and care about very much who also has Aspengers. He is smart and articulate and a wonderful young man. I know my Nephew is going to be the same at least Im gong to try and help him become the best he can be.
If you stand for Freedom, but you wont stand for war, then you dont stand for anything worth fighting for.
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How lovely. Pedro.
Kastanien for chestnut also comes up in German.
I'm afraid my present siggie is my original idea. Cóito, of course, is in the nominative coitus.
Hugs
Nigel
[Updated on: Sat, 29 November 2008 08:50]
I dream of boys with big bulges in their trousers,
Never of girls with big bulges in their blouses.
…and look forward to meeting you in Cóito.
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Anthony, what a story. I am guessing that if you came across that same scent now, you would recognize it, and the memory would become even more vivid.
If you ever feel like researching your relatives in Bogotá, this might be a good place to start: http://lleras.net (subtitled Familia Lleras en Colombia). If you are interested, I could help you with some of the Spanish. I was interested to see that the site finds two roots for the name: a Basque word meaning fern, and a Celtiberian word meaning rubble. I guess maybe that means they don't know which of the two it is. I am no expert on such things, but the guy in the photo at the top left of that web page is dressed in a manner that seems very Basque.
Kisses,
Peter
"Tu non altro che il canto avrai del figlio, o materna mia terra..."
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I looked at the Lleras site but didn't find anything I could recognise. Not surprising as my grandmother, Carolina Sarmiento was born in 1883.
But somewhere I have bits of genealogical tree that my father drew for my brother and, since I last wrote I've remembered another grand family name to put alongside the others - Calderon. Maybe I'll find time to dig them out.
My other grandmother was older: I've just found a sampler that she sewed when she was 12: Ada Brough born May 23 1972 [sewn] in the 12 year of her age.
Love,
Anthony
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