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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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It was Death in Venice that got me thinking about this. I knew when I watched it first that I was in thrall to the image of Tadzio. And yet it was his face that entered my being, not other anatomical parts.
Seeing naked bodies has only ever appealed to me if the face is worth looking at. Conversely, when I see a well proportioned naked body first I always have to look at the face before I have any interest; well, apart from wanting to see the face, that is!
In school, in the showers, where naked bodies were ten a penny, the naked bodies themselves had little appeal, except where the face had already been registered as 'He looks nice'.
My early masturbation fantasies were face oriented. It was later that I associated their specific genitalia with my orgasmic efforts.
Which leads me to more and more questions, but I can't quite work out how to phrase them!
Then there is 'Wow, he's gorgeous, but what do I want to do?' That question is as appropriate for an attainable as an unattainable person. DinV again. What did he want to do with Tadzio? Imagine my gorgeous Wednesday evening paper boy were to walk into my home and I discovered that he was of legal age and wanted to do whatever I wanted. Quite an imagine, that.
What do I want to do with him? He is very Tadzio-like in loads of things except with a different face. I look forward to seeing him, but I genuinely do not want to touch. That's not a morality thing, it's a fact. And the fact is that I have never, not really, wanted to touch. My brain separates sex from attraction. I'd love to perform sex with someone to whom I'm attracted, but my feeling of attraction is not 'I want to bury my dick deep in you (or have your dick buried deep in me)' It's 'I want to share your company in emotionally intimate ways'.
Now this is not 100% true. Walking off the rugby pitch behind Nick Jones when I was 13 and seeing his glorious legs made me want to bury my entire being in his body. Nothing face oriented there, I was erect as hell and vanishing between his bum cheeks from ten feet away! I'd never even spoken to him, and his face, while pleasant, was not the attractor there! And there have been a few like that over the years with whom sex, sex, sex would have been the ultimate, perhaps only goal.
So I'm bewildered, a bit. The thing is, am I alone in feeling like this?
[Updated on: Fri, 21 November 2008 08:03]
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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I think the first thought is simply that I'd like to be with him in the hope that some of the beauty will by association rub off. Once you enjoy his company, one thing leads to another, and what those things are depends on the the stimuli you give off to each other.
Hugs
N
I dream of boys with big bulges in their trousers,
Never of girls with big bulges in their blouses.
…and look forward to meeting you in Cóito.
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Dear Timmy,
I was thinking about just this subject last night as I watched a school performance of Godspell. Not surprisingly some of the cast were beautiful but, to my surprise, I didn't feel sexual attraction to anyone.
I think, for me, there are two separate things. One is the sort of superficial (I wonder if that is the right word) attraction of a pretty picture including some porn. The other is when there is some chance of interaction when I fall into conversation with someone who 'has something about him' and I think I'd like to get to know him.
And what is this something? They engage my attention; they look me in the eye; they make interesting comments on what I say and seem to find my comments on what they say interesting. And the truth is that they don't have to be beautiful or pretty any more. Sometimes I think their looks influenced me too much when I was young, but as you say their looks almost entirely means the look of their faces. [I've only twice picked up a friend at a nudist bathing place! (And both were failures - they didn't last the day!]
I wonder if my response here is too much influenced by your phrase "What do I want to do?"
Love,
Anthony
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Fingolfin
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Likes it here |
Location: Slovakia
Registered: August 2008
Messages: 265
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Anthony, your post describes what I would call general attraction. Having something about him. However, sexual attraction is, as far as I feel, a plain straightforward arousal caused by simple sight of beauty...
Marek
It is better to switch on a small light than to curse the darkness.
- Vincent Šikula, Slovak writer
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When I see an attractive boy, I usually find him either aesthetically attractive or sexually attractive. On a good day I'll see one who is both.
Hugs
N
I dream of boys with big bulges in their trousers,
Never of girls with big bulges in their blouses.
…and look forward to meeting you in Cóito.
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Macky
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Really getting into it |
Location: USA
Registered: November 2008
Messages: 973
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Oh, looks attract without a doubt, but there is obviously more. If I saw my ideal as far as looks are concerned, and they turned out to be conceited or profane or abusive, I would definitely be turned off. Sometimes you can see a person of godlike beauty but when they open their mouths, toads fall out. For me, the relationships that count are the ones where I can see myself in the other person. Mostly feelings. If the person is philosophical like me or interested in religious matters, or just doesn't seem to fit in with everyone else, or is in need of a friend, that attracts me to them. If these things hit me strongly enough, it can totally trump physical beauty. My dearest relationships have never been based on looks. Yet I am very attracted by good looks...who isn't? But those physical attraction things never turn into much of anything meaningful. Another way I can put it, I think, is that I like me. When I see people like me, I like them. The homo in the larger word means "same". I think it extends to more than just the same sex. I think it extends to the same feelings interests and ways of interacting. For me, sexual attraction is mainly about a mind like mine. But there is one other thing that attracts me to people. That is, if they are smitten or taken by me just being me. NOw, that is how I ended up married. All of my sexual relationships before marriage were with guys. Then when this lady comes along and thinks I'm the greatest man there has ever been. Well, you just have to love a person like that. I married her. I never told her that as far as my attractions go, I'm only attracted to males. I love me, my wife loves me; now there's the perfect relationship.
And that brings me to another thought I occasionally have...about gay guys marrying and having kids. My son has a number of problems one of which is Asperger's Syndeome...just like pretty Josh on this forum. I see the idea of "homo" or "same" in both autism and in gayness. An autistic person loves being in his own world. Now admittedly its a spectrum and there are degrees, but I think autism is a love of ones self. A love of being with ones self. And I think it is passed down genetically. I never related normally to my peers...now I would not say that I make even square one on the autistic spectrum, but like, the idea is there. I always wanted to be able to relate normally to my peers, but it was too important and in truth, just took too much effort. Today I do not have friends...why?...simply because of the maintenance that it takes to carry on a friendship. Its hard to always try to figure out what people want and to try to accomodate them...and thats my way of relating....figure out what makes you happy and try to accomodate it. Well, that's exhausting. And its just easier not to have friends. I think that pretty Josh would agree with that, but maybe not. Oh wow, now I've gotten myself wrapped up in such a ball that I don't know which way to go next. I guess simply put, I am attracted to people like me, yet all my social relationships are aimed at accomodating other peoples desires so my personal relationships are usually more of a chore than a comfort. The way my wondering heart came to rest in this roulette wheel of life is that someone really liked me just for what I was and that person picked me out, and the fact that that person was a woman was totally trumped by her admiration for me. I am a faithful husband and we are very happy, so its good. The fact that I am attracted to guys is secondary to these feelings, because just like a heterosexual commits to his female partner, I am committed to my partner....she can't help it if she's not a guy....nobody's perfect. Thanks for listening beautiful people!
Macky
Behold, how good and how pleasant it is
For brothers to dwell together in unity!
Ps 133:1 NASB
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Dear Macky,
One difference between you and me is that I told my wife before we got engaged and she still accepted me and now she occasionally regrets that she isn't a man (because she thinks that would please me better).
I think that's sad. But on the whole we are very happy.
Love,
Anthony
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Hey all you sexy people!
Josh here. What a shock! I know eh. Anyways.
I think that physical attraction is when you look at someone, you think their attractive. What does attraction mean? I guess depending on the person, it could have several meanings.
I don't think that sexual attraction to anyone means that you automatically want to have sex with the person. It may eventually come to that, but it could mean you want to fantasize about that person.
I guess the whole definition of "fantasy" would be my guess as to what a sexual attraction is. If you can't 'have' the person, then you can daydream about them doing it with you. No harm no foul..
And just in case this is offensive to anyone, I apologize. I hope this information was helpful in some way.
~Josh~
21.
Love who you want to.
~Josh~
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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why would we be offended?
It makes sense.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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True.^^
Just in case though^^
~Josh~
21.
Love who you want to.
~Josh~
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timmy wrote:
(snip)
> Then there is 'Wow, he's gorgeous, but what do I want to do?' That question is as appropriate for an attainable as an unattainable person.
Hmmm. the answer is "not necessarily anything".
At the moment, I've very attracted to a guy I've recently met through something I do ... we meet only at organised things in the company of others. I'm attracted to him, no doubt. He may well attracted to me - there's a certain frisson. He's 20, gay and out, partnered, and gorgeous. But while I think there's an attraction on both sides, I've no desire to take it anywhere (and neither I'm sure does he). He doesn't figure in my erotic fantasies, precisely because there is nothing I want to "do" to/with him sexually (not even flirting!). But it would be idle to deny a sexual component to the attraction.
For me at least, there has to be some element of complementary minds meeting, a shared understanding of what each could bring to the other. If it happens, for me it happens almost instantaneously. It hasn't happened with this lad. So there's nothing that I could think of "doing".
Having said all of which, my life is enriched by knowing him, and would be the poorer if we no longer have occasion to meet. So perhaps the "doing" is merely "seeing" ?
"The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. ... Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night devoid of stars." Martin Luther King
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Dear Marek,
I don't think I can tell the difference, except in the intensity of the attraction. I don't think I ever saw a face that gave me an erection.
I did have difficulty keeping it down once when sunbathing naked at Highgate ponds and a beautiful guy kept catching my eye and was having the same difficulty as I was. But that is different and an overtly sexual situation. After a while I left with him but that is another story and off the subject.
No, I don't think I misreported what does it for me. Perhaps it's a good thing that we are all different.
Love,
Anthony
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