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At what point does admiration for someone turn to stalking?
Feel free to discuss.
~Josh~
21.
Love who you want to.
~Josh~
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Josh *Pretty Me* wrote:
> At what point does admiration for someone turn to stalking?
That's a really good question.
For me, I think it's more about being honest with myself about my motives for doing things than it is about what the actions are. So, reading someone's blog because they are someone I know and the blog is interesting, or I'm worried about them, or just as a way of keeping in touch 'cos we don't meet very often is fine. Reading the blog as a way of finding out about someone - unless they've given me the link themselves - is dodgy. Reading the blog to find out what they are doing so I could "accidentally" meet them is a total no-no! The same goes for U-tube: if they've mentioned they have a clip there, fine, but doing a google search on them and following up all links is not!
Perhaps the thing is, would you happily refer to what you've been doing in conversation with them?
Danger signs for me? Deciding to take a particular route home, or have coffee in a particular place, just because I think it's more likely I'd run into the object of my attention. The non-stalkerish approach is to mail them and arrange to meet ...
"The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. ... Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night devoid of stars." Martin Luther King
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Hey NW!
Thanks for replying.
With me, it may be percieved as weird. I personally think the term "like" is used too often. But if I do like someone, then I'll want to be friends with such a person, and want to chat with them on a regular basis. Naturally, one cannot chat with a person 24/7. It's impossible. I realize that.
And for me it's wierd cause I end up falling for such a person. I'm very easy to like (from my view) and I like people in general. Writing a person I like about anything calms me down. Even if such a person doesn't reply, that's okay.
I become very easily attached to people I meet, online or otherwise. And I don't really like being alone, cause it's no fun. I have to write, whether it's to a person I like or not. I just have to.
Anyway, that's enough for now. Reply if you want.
~Josh~
21.
Love who you want to.
~Josh~
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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I think planning a coffee in a particular place "just in case" is not stalking. Borderline, perhaps, but the right side.
To me "stalking" has less than pleasant connotations. What is the stalking with a view to?
If "I" perceive that I am not stalking you, but you perceive that I am, what then?
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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I guess in that case, such a person would want to stay away from you, were that the case.
21.
Love who you want to.
~Josh~
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Josh *Pretty Me* wrote:
At what point does admiration for someone turn to stalking?
At the point when you would be feeling very uncomfortable if the roles were reversed. (See below the ruled line.)
J F R
[Updated on: Mon, 24 November 2008 08:31]
The paradox has often been noted that the United States, founded in secularism, is now the most religiose country in Christendom, while England, with an established church headed by its constitutional monarch, is among the least. (Richard Dawkins, 2006)
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Fingolfin
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Likes it here |
Location: Slovakia
Registered: August 2008
Messages: 265
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I think JFR hit it precisely...
Josh, I am pretty much the same as you when it comes to getting to like someone... I do like people in general and if they are good fun, intelligent and "OK" I like them more. I've recently had two meetings (randez-vous???) with a guy I met online and he turned out to be very interesting. No hard electricity yet, though I like him, and at least I think I've made a good friend to talk to and drink coffee with... 
Maybe it will bring more as time passes by, maybe not. However, I do not regret that we met in person and spent two pleasant afternoons together just talking.
Marek
It is better to switch on a small light than to curse the darkness.
- Vincent Šikula, Slovak writer
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Difficult, Josh, but I think it is when your attentions are unwelcome.
The first time I fell in love I told him and he helped me to get over him and I didn't lie in wait for him or push my way into his circle or anything (I don't think I did. Maybe I should ask him.)
When I was in lust over someone and he wasn't interested I would wait for him to come out of the rooms where he was on a visit. He knew and I knew I was behaving badly.
Love,
Anthony
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timmy wrote:
> I think planning a coffee in a particular place "just in case" is not stalking. Borderline, perhaps, but the right side.
I kinda picked that one because it's something that I found really bloody annoying when it happened to me. OK, I was 19, it was at Uni, and my stalker was female (but knew I preferred men to women in bed, though I wasn't at that age identifying myself as exclusively gay).
Once or twice, actually, I'm sure is fine. But I'm equally sure that that leads to "just once more won't make any difference ...".
Actually, the person mentioned above is the only stalker I've ever had ... kinda sad, I guess. But it perhaps made me hyper-sensitive about being seen as stalker-ish by others (though of course there have been one or two guys that I've had to speak to myself firmly about not to make their life difficult ...).
"The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. ... Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night devoid of stars." Martin Luther King
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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My "to stalk or not to stalk" questions arise on birthdays. 25 November is the birthday of the lad I obsessed over. The mark of not stalking him is not sending him a birthday card. I haven't for decades, but I've wanted to every year.
Not this year, though. In a way I do, but he has proved to me that he is unable to face me. Whether that is my fault or his I will never know. So, tomorrow, or soon, as midnight strikes, I will raise a metaphorical glass and wish him well, though he will never hear me.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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A little off-thread, maybe, but what did you decide to do about the guy on the "classmates" site that treated you like shit as a kid?
I don't know if I missed a follow up.
Hugs,
Scott
Cycling is the one sport where a guy can shave his legs, wear spandex and bright colors, and be accepted.
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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Still waiting for the little shit to answer his mail. No point in shooting in the dark 
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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