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Macky
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Really getting into it |
Location: USA
Registered: November 2008
Messages: 973
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Do you think it is useful always to have a singular major goal in your life?
I wonder what might be some of the goals APOS members are striving for?
At 57, I have had the good fortune to achieve many past goals. Now, and probably for the rest of my life, goal number 1 for me, is to do everything possible to assure that my multiply handicapped 18 year old son can lead a happy and independant life. Anyone care to share the objective of his own particular striving?
Love,
Macky
Behold, how good and how pleasant it is
For brothers to dwell together in unity!
Ps 133:1 NASB
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I think it's important to have various goals of different magnitude. If you have one overriding goal and achieve it it will leave a big gap in your life.
I have some minor goals - to see the Northern or Southern Lights, to see a toal eclipse of the sun and to see the sun in the north, although I have already achieved this by seeing the midnight sun.
Hugs
Nigel
I dream of boys with big bulges in their trousers,
Never of girls with big bulges in their blouses.
…and look forward to meeting you in Cóito.
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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I missed my goal of retiring at 55. I may miss it at 56 because of the financial markets, but I'm damned close. I have a boat to buy.
I achieved things like "own a Jaguar", drive a car at speed round a racetrack. I've paddled a kayak down wild rivers, competed for selection(!) for the British Olympic sailing squad (woefully outclassed I may say!), done a load of exciting things. Now my goal is to become happy.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Yes, Macky, I agree with whoever said a single goal is too restricting. And I'm not sure I dare voice all of the things I'd like to do.
I want to see my grandchildren through their education. I want to secure the future of Bristol Croquet Club. I'd like to learn again what it is like to have friends. I'd like to do something to reduce homophobia. I'd like to teach some people something that they find really useful.I'd like to lead other people to appreciate how important it is to tell the truth. I'd like to write a story good enough to make readers cry.
But the chances are that I'll die before starting half of these, never mind those I've not mentioned.
Love,
Anthony
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Macky
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Really getting into it |
Location: USA
Registered: November 2008
Messages: 973
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Good point. Its nice to work multiple goals, but I have always been bad at multitasking. I zero into one thing to a fault, and it takes effort for me to pull back and take care of other things.
I accomplished my travel goals when I was in my 20s. The Pacific, far east, and Europe. I went into hock doing it, but looking back, it was definitely the right decision.
And speaking of northern lights, what about Svalbard? I've had a certain fascination about that place for years. Its the home of the fictional Bjorn Berensen armored bear of the "His Dark Materials" trilogy. I wonder if they have commercialized that yet.
Love,
Macky
Behold, how good and how pleasant it is
For brothers to dwell together in unity!
Ps 133:1 NASB
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I can't say that I've ever had any life goals - at least, not in the sense of targets or objectives, or mapping things out in advance. I've always seen life as too full of uncertainties for that ... and I like surprises.
I do, however, have certain things about *how* I do 'life'. First and foremost, "Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with [all] thy might". Second is probably "feel the fear and do it anyway", with "be the change you wish to see" a close third.
The first one means that when I commit to something, or accept a responsibility, I often appear to have a "goal" and can be considered "driven" ... and I suppose in a sense I do, but really it's all about maintaining my self-image of doing things with all my might.
"The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. ... Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night devoid of stars." Martin Luther King
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Macky
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Really getting into it |
Location: USA
Registered: November 2008
Messages: 973
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But timmy,
The placement of your final sentence makes it sound like achieving your goals thusfar has not made you happy. Please tell me that I am misintrepreting your meaning again.
BTW, I have been feeling particularly shitty about my yesterday's outburst and reading your reply here brightens my day.
I understand the allure of sailing. Took the family on a tall ship cruise this summer. We got caught in a bit of a storm on Lake Ontario, and I had visions of Lightfoot's "Edmund Fitzgerald" for a while. But it was beautiful. Nature at its finest. Mates up in the rigging; whole nine yards.
Fortune smiled upon me in beating my retire at 55 goal. With the help of a defined benefit plan and a buyout, I retired at 53. It took a load of worry off me because I need a lot of time to care for my fammily's health. My investment portfolio has taken the gas pipe with this economy too. Fortunately its all stuff funding my son's Special Needs Trust and so long as I'm alive there will be time for it to recover.
Ever considered capturing a boat pyrate-wise? It seems to be all the vogue off the horn of Africa.
Love,
Macky
Behold, how good and how pleasant it is
For brothers to dwell together in unity!
Ps 133:1 NASB
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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I have never been truly happy. I have created a set of minor disasters which are my life. I achieve pockets of happiness, but I am, as my wife tells me, never destined to be happy. I felt it was kind of her to mention it to me explicitly.
I have many blessings. I have no mortgage on my home, nor on the home I have just bought to retire to. I own a reasonable portfolio of financial instruments that will make retirement possible. I have a couple of heavily mortgaged houses I rent out, one with a problem tenant in that I am taking to court at present. I'm an acknowledged UK expert in an arcane field of business. I have several friends and strive to make new ones with some small success.
But I am not happy. I am cheerful, which is not the same thing. I am learning happiness, but, to achieve it, I have to understand finally that I will never, not ever, see the boy I once adored again, even to be told he hates me. I have to remove that self imposed condition for happiness.
None of my goals bring happiness, not lasting happiness. I can only achieve that by chipping away at the wall I built around myself. For me goals do not do the job.
Be unconcerned about yesterday. I upset you and it is apologised for and gone.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Macky
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Really getting into it |
Location: USA
Registered: November 2008
Messages: 973
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Oh Anthony, you inspire me! Just considering all your goals leaves me winded. I want learn how to have friends too. I have always felt that I lacked something in this area. I'm sure I'm socially maladjusted or something, or maybe its just being in the closet my whole life, but I have never had the ideal friendship that I feel a need for. Every time I have come out to a person, I have distanced myself from them. Plus one person I came out to got pissed at me and outed me to others, and I ended up distancing myself from that whole society. So I'm in for life and thereby I suppose I've disqualified a lot of potential friends among the straight crowd. Still, yes, being a real friend to someone(s) is a splendid goal. I'll take it on.
"Teach importance of telling the truth". Here, I can help you with that. The name attached to the email address in my profile is fictitious. My true given name is Max and I think Macky is a lovely nickname. Hey! Room for another goal now?
"Story...cry.". I want to be the first to read it. I love stories that make me cry. Tears of joy,yes, but also the sadistic ones where the dog dies. "My dog Skip" was a special treat because the dog was at death's door and recovered, only to be soundly 'offed' by movie's end.
Love,
Macky
Behold, how good and how pleasant it is
For brothers to dwell together in unity!
Ps 133:1 NASB
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Macky
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Really getting into it |
Location: USA
Registered: November 2008
Messages: 973
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If I may summarize the tenets of your life further:Dedication, courage and action. This is a singularly powerful troika! I can match you on the dedication easily, quite possibly surpassing you. Few can compete with the singlemindedness bred of fine Autistic genetic heritage (another story there).
However, when it comes to courage, I prefer to sit in my hobbit-hole and blow smoke-rings. I am, indeed, an accomplished coward. I am afraid of strangers, the simply strange, violence, large and small groups, heights, depths, social ostrization, making mistakes, and most types of human social interaction. This last virtue, no doubt, being the wellspring of all the anonymous sexual encounters in which I participated, back in the days when I was still in circulation. It ain't braggin' when it's factual. I am ashamed of my cowardice.
And, alas, without courage, action is often stymied. Action via persistence, I can do, courageous action however, is sadly beyond my grasp.
As to your tenets, "You have chosen wisely Luke Skywalker.". They are all on the light side of the force.
Love,
Macky
Behold, how good and how pleasant it is
For brothers to dwell together in unity!
Ps 133:1 NASB
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Macky
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Really getting into it |
Location: USA
Registered: November 2008
Messages: 973
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Dear Timmy,
At the peril of falling out with you for the second day in a row, let me respond to your last post as follows;
Oh, stop it. Stop it. I’ve seen this show before! You are reminding me of the “guest sacrificial lamb” on an American TV Evangelist show. Once they see you 1) are sad and 2) have 2 pennies to rub together, they tackle you like an American football team. If you do not stop this instant, in the twinkling of an eye, you will be on the bottom of a pileup of umpteen American TV evangelists. All that will be visible will be your quivering foot.
I do hope that you have not reached the stage of sexual deprivation of a male body, that you find this a pleasant prospect. It is far better to listen to Lou Bega, creator of that great oldie “Mambo Number 5”. Pertaining to religion, I would say that you need “a little Buddha in your life”. Now Siddharta Gautama was no saint (that’s the realm of Catholics, Anglicans, and Episcopalians). Primary among his offenses in my book was running out on his wife and newly born son. However, The Buddha was a great chemist; foremost pharmacological researcher of his time. I wouldn’t recommend reading Vedic Scriptures, because Lou Bega’s Buddha distilled them all into his blockbuster drug “FUKITOL”. So the first point I want to make is that you need to check yourself into a good Indian hospital and get an infusion of 3 million international units of FUKITOL. What are you working for? Is all that shit you do really necessary? Are you saving up to buy something else that won’t make you happy? We are about the same age, 57. Now I don’t know about you, but by the time another 50 passes, I plan to be worm-shit. Yeah. Really. I’m looking forward to it. Honestly. I can just imagine what it will be like when my decomposed dick slides out the anus of a common earthworm. Oh yeah, beh..bie, bring it on! Oh yeah…FEELS GOOD. Think of it as reverse fucking an earthworm. MMM MMM, can’t wait. Now, let us bow our heads and listen to the words of the Blessed Saint Emily Dickinson (its OK, she’s Episcopalian).
I'm nobody! Who are you?
Are you nobody, too?
Then there's a pair of us — don't tell!
They'd banish us, you know.
How dreary to be somebody!
How public, like a frog
To tell your name the livelong day
To an admiring bog!
So see, you don’t have to be great after all. People will love you whether you are great or not.
Now to continue with my previous analogy of the earthworm excretory system. On the face of it, passing through an earthworm’s bowel might not seem like a happy thing to the uninitiated. However, those who understand the path to enlightenment know the following. ***WARNING*** Please prepare to have a turd of hackneyed psychological pabulum shoved up your ass. “Its all how you take it. It's all in your ATTITUDE.” Now, what does this mean to a sane person? Well, it means if you find yourself passing through the gut of the common earthworm, you think of something good about it. St Monty Python (Anglican) put it so well in his “Always look on the bright side of life”. So, to continue our analogy, let us now turn to the matter of your unrequited love. HEY. HOLD IT! I’ve just thought of the title to the story I wrote about unrequited love. I was going to call it Albert’s Song, but that’s shitty really. So I’ll rename it, right here, on the spot, for you. It will be called “Unrequited Love is a Many Splendored Thing (with apologies to Frank Sinatra)”. Yes, I too have done unrequited love, and an affair that lasted more than a dozen years no less. Bow heads for a reading from St Paul McCarthy (Anglican turned Episcopalian) “Do you believe in unrequited love at first sight? Yes, I’m certain that it happens all the time.” It’s all in how you take it. Your assignment, make up a story about your beloved that will make an ending that you can live with and at the same time, an ending that will match the current real, actual state of affairs. To do this, you will, necessarily, have to get to your imagination’s 'inside your beloved’s head'. Then, when you’ve arranged his head according to your liking, you will have yourself a lovely, albeit somewhat bittersweet memory. I really think this would be therapeutic for you and would make a hell of a good story.
I have it from reliable resources that this life is not a dress rehearsal, although I have my doubts about that. That notwithstanding, I advise you not to wait until you are worm shit to start being happy.
Love,
Macky
Behold, how good and how pleasant it is
For brothers to dwell together in unity!
Ps 133:1 NASB
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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Er, yes. Have you ever noticed that knowing a thing and being able to achieve it are not easy to bring into congruence?
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Anthony wrote:
> I'd like to write a story good enough to make readers cry.<
I'd like to write a story to make people laugh, particularly involuntarily.
Hugs
N
I dream of boys with big bulges in their trousers,
Never of girls with big bulges in their blouses.
…and look forward to meeting you in Cóito.
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Yes, Macky, courage is essential.
I think NW has moral courage, judging only by what he says. I used to think I did and then let myself down by conforming too much.
Like you, I don't think I have much physical courage.
But maybe what we think of as courage is foolhardiness some of the time or even just a really poor estimate of risk.
What Sylvia says is "Fortune favours the prepared mind." If you know what you want, when the chance appears you can take advantage of it.
It seems to me that many of the regrets people here have revealed arose because they didn't realise that they HAD to take advantage or miss it for ever.
Love,
Anthony
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Thanks, Anthony. I do rather suspect that the quality I really display is "bloody-mindedness" - a determination not to be swayed from an important course of action once I've decided on it ...
acam wrote:
(snip)
> But maybe what we think of as courage is foolhardiness some of the time or even just a really poor estimate of risk.
The "poor estimate of risk" runs both ways: sometimes our fears are far more than can objectively be justified. To me, courage is about overcoming one's own fears. A couple of examples :
when I started my present job, on the first day it naturally cropped up in conversation that I'm gay. No big deal for me, no courage required, though objectively there were all sorts of risks of making my working life more difficult.
when I hit 50, became disabled and had to give up work, I decided that I needed some help getting sorted, and that a gay man's self-help course was the way to do it. I'd had no contact with groups of gay men for getting on for 20 years (other than stewarding pride) and was *utterly* terrified at the prospect: I spent the afternoon throwing up with nerves. But I made the first meeting on time at 6pm. Objectively, any risks were minimal, but my own fears were not ... attending that first meeting took every ounce of determination I could summon up.
For some people (though it wasn't for me), admitting to themselves that they are gay may be the single thing that takes most courage in their lives, simply because of the fears and myths surrounding it. That does not seek to diminish the fears, but to recognise the very real courage that it takes to overcome them.
"The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. ... Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night devoid of stars." Martin Luther King
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timmy wrote:
(snip)
> None of my goals bring happiness, not lasting happiness. I can only achieve that by chipping away at the wall I built around myself. For me goals do not do the job.
timmy, I think you've made a lot of growth, even in the two-or-three years I've been coming here. You may not be able to see over the wall yet ... but those outside the wall can see the top of your head sticking up above it!
NW
"The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. ... Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night devoid of stars." Martin Luther King
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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That deserves a huge hug. Thank you.
I am gradually breaking the wall down. My personal website and my willingness to link to it and to try to get the link and coming out article to my old school are a good number of courses of bricks off the top.
I'm also exchanging great emails with the chap who was head of house when I joined Epsom College (and naming the school is another step). Something prompted me to get in touch about 3 weeks ago, and he sent me his autobiography, which I read in one sitting and found so many points in common that we can't help but become friends.
We've talked about his kid brother whose heterosexual marriage failed and whose gay partnership lasted until he died of an HIV related ailment. He is learning all the things he couldn't ask his brother. In return I'm learning what it was like to be heterosexual as a teenager!
But you know me. I'm not Don Quixote, I'm Sancho Panza, trotting along morosely on Eeyeore. When I get the wall down, how will I know I'm free? Maybe I'll lay a nice patio.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Yes, NW, I can see it too!
Love,
Anthony
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Timmy,
I used to know Eeyore! That is Geoffrey Wincott who took the part in children's hour. He was gay. He threw a small green apple at me when I was teasing him from my bedroom window and broke a pane!
Love,
Anthony
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Dear NW, I'm surprised!
I wonder why you were terrified to go to that first meeting of the gay men's self help group. My reaction would be quite the other way round - I'd be scared to tell people I am gay lest they turn out to be homophobic, but I'd not worry about going to a gay group because I'd know I would not immediately be rejected.
But I have been rejected, and fiercely, by aggressively gay men who thought someone saying they are bi is a traitor to the cause.
So I suppose that you really both wanted and feared a meeting with gay men because it was a long time since you had. But I suspect that wasn't really an adequate description of where the fear lay and also that I can't do justice to the strength of it. I've never had a fear that made me throw up!
Sylvia has just spilt coffee on the carpet and as she would find it rather hard to get down and clear it up I'd better go and do it.
Love,
Anthony
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acam wrote:
> Dear NW, I'm surprised!
>
> I wonder why you were terrified to go to that first meeting of the gay men's self help group.
To steal a couple of sentences from a favourite author (Drew Hunt), "I had a pretty low self-esteem complex going on. My confidence had pretty much reached rock bottom, and had decided to purchase a pneumatic drill and was beginning to excavate."
My social and personal identity had been pretty much bound up in my working life, in being "competent", and in being an out gay man for (then) some 25 years. I'd gone from being able to run up and down five flights of stairs to taking ten minutes to walk a hundred yards literally overnight (18th-19th December 2004). I'd had to give up work ... cut from 80+ hours a week to 30-, and then to zero. It was unclear at that stage whether my condition was progressive, how much longer I would be able to live on my own, and whether I'd need a wheelchair anytime soon. So, the "out gay man thing" was about all I had left to hold on to.
But I don't conform to many of the norms of the "out" urban community. I'm not well-off, have never been particularly good-looking, now noticeably disabled, by many standards getting old, and am completely disinterested in many of the things that are often taken for granted (blow-jobs, casual sex, clubbing etc).
What I feared - ultimately - was rejection. Rejection by those who I felt in some sense "ought" to support me. Given the history of my relationship with my father, a pretty potent fear.
I'm glad to say that - as is so often the case - my fears were unfounded, and I made a couple of good friends there. But none of us can guess how much courage it may take for anyone to take even the apparently simplest step, nor how much support people may need to do so. In this place of safety, at least, people can sometimes share their fears and receive the support.
NW
(on re-reading this, it sounds a bit self-pitying, which wasn't intended and isn't how I normally feel).
[Updated on: Wed, 10 December 2008 14:12]
"The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. ... Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night devoid of stars." Martin Luther King
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No, NW, I'd never accuse you of self pity.
It's just not you. You look at the world with clear eyes, as I hope I do. [And mine are going to be clearer, I hope, when my cataracts are replaced with shiny new plastic lenses.]
But you made me think about fear. As I've said elsewhere I'm not brave but I haven't had to be! I've been remarkably lucky because (I think) the last time I was afraid was during national service. What a sheltered life I must have led!
I've never been threatened by a homophobe, never been mugged or gay-bashed, not even been hated by anyone significant (as far as I know).
I'm far from rich, but I'm not going to starve unless the sky falls in and even the credit crunch isn't going to stop me having a glass of wine with my meals. But my greatest joy is being surrounded by a family that accepts me and is nice to me and that I want to support and it seems the feeling is mutual. And I'd like to introduce you to them.
Do you have any relations you like? I always liked my cousins - even the one that outed me in gossip to the rest of the family. I found out years later (my mother told me he had spread rumours). But my parents didn't like their relations. They did their best to avoid going to see them or having them come to see us and my father's relations were mostly there to have flaming rows with. Throwing plates of lunch style rows! They're all dead now, without issue as they say, except for the only son of one of my father's half-brothers who, I was told to give the brush-off to when he approached me 25 years ago.
Is it painful to write about your father?
Love,
Anthony
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Macky
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Really getting into it |
Location: USA
Registered: November 2008
Messages: 973
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Obviously, we have not yet reached the point where we can smile about this. Perhaps this perceived hurt is the support beam upon which you have built your whole life. Remove this bit of rubble from under the structure which is your life, and the whole thing could collapse. Does it sound scarey not to perceive yourself as "Poor little jilted Timmy"? Just a thought.
Love
Macky
Behold, how good and how pleasant it is
For brothers to dwell together in unity!
Ps 133:1 NASB
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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I expect you are right. So I'll just do that then. So easy now that you say it. I really had never considered that before.
Tell me, have you read the things at the top of the forum?
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Macky
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Really getting into it |
Location: USA
Registered: November 2008
Messages: 973
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Dear Timmy,
I am not trying to hurt. But I am not avoiding painful honesty, in feeding back to you that which I perceive. My hope, is that in some respect, this might lead you think about this in new ways. If you saw a child crying along the way, wouldn't you stop to try to help, even if you knew nothing of the cause of his hurt?
Love,
Macky
Behold, how good and how pleasant it is
For brothers to dwell together in unity!
Ps 133:1 NASB
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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"Any advice should be from the perspective of the person asking, not the person giving!"
What you need to learn to do is to walk a mile in another man's moccasins before telling him where they pinch.
What you have done, with painful honesty, is told me the obvious. And also you chose an interesting phrase "Poor little jilted Timmy" which was probably very clever, but was diametrically opposed to being helpful.
I'm pretty robust. I don't much care whether I find your words helpful or unhelpful. I look at words and accept or eject them with a good heart. But I'm glad I'm the one that you have started to advise. Someone less robust might well find your words, designed to be painfully honest, as much use as being told to "get over it."
Interestingly they proved a few years ago with research that I cannot remember enough about in order to cite that women respond positively to being told to get over it (when told to at the right point of their depression), but that men tend to get more deeply entangled.
This forum tends to contain males. Many of us are far too fragile to respond well to being told they should get over it, or to have strange phrases made up about themselves.
So I am now stuck with the epithet "Poor little jilted Timmy." Yes, that was kind of you. You've given me something to focus on.
I understand why you do this. You told us all so.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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You know so many strange and wonderful folk. It would be great to meet Dennis the Dachshund, too! I was a Larry the Lamb fan!
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Macky wrote:
(snip)
> Remove this bit of rubble from under the structure which is your life, and the whole thing could collapse.
Don't underestimate what a HUGE task this is for anyone!
As some may know, I've been through two periods of having to suddenly completely re-build my life (early 20s, due to a breakdown precipitated by over-zealous consumption of psychedelic drugs; around 50, triggered by becoming physically disabled). Even in these having-hit-rock-bottom circumstances, it takes years ... I'm still working on getting properly adjusted to being a crip 4 years after the event, and have probably got another couple of years to go. But in each case there were a couple of years where I was rather a write-off as a fully-functioning human being.
I honestly don't know whether it's better to have to deal with everything collapsing all at once, as I did, or to take a slower approach and try to keep some kind of continuity in life and relationships. Both are damm' difficult and painful, and different approaches may suit different people and circumstances.
timmy (and I hope he doesn't mind me saying so) has been re-building his perception and experience of himself for a while now, and the changes show. His approach seems to be working for him. As a "fringe benefit", he's helped many (dozens? hundreds?) of others through difficult times, both here on the Forums he created, and privately. And when I send timmy a hug (HUG), it isn't just from one 50+ to another, but - almost more importantly - from my inner (scared-but-go-for-it) thirteeen-year-old to the thirteen-year-old inside timmy.
"The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. ... Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night devoid of stars." Martin Luther King
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Macky
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Really getting into it |
Location: USA
Registered: November 2008
Messages: 973
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Thanks NW
I honestly was trying to console him. My interpersonal skills just suck. It's a downer for me when I piss anyone off. Give Timmy one of your hugs from me stealthily.
Love,
Macky
Behold, how good and how pleasant it is
For brothers to dwell together in unity!
Ps 133:1 NASB
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Dear NW, can I tell you about a triumph of mine that I heard of this morning?
Well I'm going to! No 1 daughter was overshadowed by her younger sister at school and after. Somehow she and her education didn't click. No 2 daughter was very bright and is now Dr Camacho!
No 1 was a bank clerk for years and then decided to try an OU degree and got it. Then she got work in school admin. Last September she started a new job at a school where the Head just left (unexpected and sudden) and they decided not to appoint a replacement. Instead they appointed a school manager who, to begin with put the backs up of a lot of people. (A marketing man! In charge of a school? Ponder that, Timmy!)
No1 wondered whether she would be able to keep the job as her boss was one of the furthest put up backs in the school. Then she left and she wasn't replaced. No 1 was left doing two jobs for a rather unsympathetic boss.
Last night the office staff had their Christmas meal together and he gave them all presents and told them all he would be doing appraisals next week. Someone voiced the question which of them would get the best appraisal and everyone agreed - No1! In her first term she has gone from being the new admin assistant to being the lynch-pin of the office.
At the age of 42 she is at last appreciated. I could hug myself - and kick myself too: why did it have to take so long?
Love,
Anthony
PS I forgot the point. Yes NW! Do things to the top of your bent even when it looks hopeless. sometimes you will win through.
I wonder whether she realises. Perhaps I'd better show her this post!
You never know who will be pleased by a good appraisal, Eh Deeej?
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Well done your #1 daughter!
doing things with all your heart is always worthwhile, even if it's only sometimes recognised or appreciated.
as I'm academically the lowest-achiever in my immediate family (mother, aunt, brother, sister all have Masters' or Doctorates), I understand the thing about being a bit overshadowed ... even though it shouldn't matter if it isn't relevant to what one finds to do in life.
NW
"The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. ... Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night devoid of stars." Martin Luther King
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james
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Getting started |
Location: England
Registered: September 2008
Messages: 24
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hey enjoy good health, those things are secondary.
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