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I had a visit in last November of two missionnaries of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. At first I wanted to ¨play¨ with them by traumatising them about my being gay. So I invited them in. One of the Elders was quite attractive (6 ft 5), so I began by saying that I won't fit in their church because I am gay. The Elder asked me if I act upon it. I said ¨Of course, when I start having sex is like peaunuts, I just can't stop.¨ But he was kind enough and had an open mind to ask me if they could come back another night to teach me about the LDS. I said sure.
The next time, one of the Elders was assigned to another city. The attractive Elder had a new companion (5 ft 3). He was cute as well. So I asked them if they wanted coffee, tea or soda. They said they were good. I listened to what they were saying and believe it or not, it made sense. I liked the way they talked about Jesus et al. I told them how beautiful they were with no pun intended. They gave me the book of Mormon. I began reading it and learning more about Joseph Smith. Appearantly, Joseph Smith had an appearance from God and Christ somewhere in 1821 in the State of New York.
As time went by, the Elders came and visit me and I investigated their church. Now they were telling me that I had to quit on lust and masturbation. I really went along with it. They kept on saying how great I was. Then they said I had to give up on coffee and tea, uh huh okayyy. I quit drugs, booze and cigarettes so. Your great, they kept on saying. I kept on saying to myself that there must be a catch. Well, my dear friends, as I was about to get baptized in their church, they told me about the tithe. Oh? and what it that? A thithe is 10% of your incomes (your earnings, insurances, stocks, pension et al), saying if I don't obey, I won't be aloud in their kingdom or their temple (Utah). then it all hit me. I'm not that great, it's my money that is great. I told them I relaps on coffee and began to have sex again. They said that Satan was tempting me. I then told them that I prefer not to end up in their kingdom (or temple) that I'm happy how I am.
I somehow knew it was too good to be true. They (missionnairies of any religion) has charisma that it's easy to get caught in it. I'm still gay and I still have sex and loving it. I'm a non-practicing Roman Catholic. Never will be a Mormon.
[Updated on: Sun, 18 January 2009 22:01]
Blake's my boy.
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Benji
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Likes it here |
Location: USA
Registered: August 2007
Messages: 297
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I'm sorry but I got to laugh here, I remember the first time I had the Mormon missionaries' come to my door. I was just leaving the house when they approached and asked if my parents were home. Seeing that I just got off the phone with Mom, where I was headed over for dinner, I said 'yep, they are home'. And laughed while they knocked at the door as I drove away from my empty house.
About four months ago,they came to my place again, 'We are Mormon missionaries' one of them announced, 'Duh, I thought as the white shirts, black pants and bicycles weren't enough of a dead give-away'. 'Hi' I answered 'I'm Jewish'. Oh, they replied, did you know we consider ourselves to be on of the lost tribes of Juddah?' 'Humm' I thought, 'Ya'll should have stayed lost'. Nope, but I gotta go, have a good one and left!
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e
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On fire! |
Location: currently So Cal
Registered: May 2002
Messages: 1179
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I used to get visits from the missionaries about twice a year at a place where I used to live. I thught about having some fun with them, but instead was always polite, telling them I already went to church and had no interest. They always offered me some literature and I accepted, but never discussed anything with them.
Then a Mormon famuly moved into the house next door. I'd always had really good relations with my neighbors, but this family was just not friendly at all. I tried several times to start up a convewrsation over the back yard fence to no avail.
Then I noticed that they were feeding my dog. They were actually dropping whole bags of dog food over the fence and my dog was eating 10-15 lbs of food all at once. I confronted them about it and they just said they thought I was starving the dog because he was so skinny. They'd been doing it for a while. I was really angry. My dog had a digestive disorder and was prone to urinary infections that would cause him to stop eating and lose weight. The only way I could tell he was sick was to watch his eating habits. He would stop eating when he wasn't feeling well. I had just spent a couple hundred dollars at the vet because I noticed he wasn't eating only to find out that he wasn't eating because they were feeding him.
My initial confrontation helped for a while, then several months later he got sick for real and stopped eating and lost some weight. I took him to the vet and began his treatments. A couple days later anmial control showed up at my door and informed me that they had a report I was starving my doga dndemanded I let them see him. I had to produce receipts and show them the medications to prove I wasn't abusing the dog. It was maddening.
Only one good thing came of it. The Mormon missionaries began passing my house instead of stopping.
Think good thoughts,
e
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Curtis
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Getting started |
Location: USA
Registered: January 2009
Messages: 2
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that is so funny. we get missonarys around here all the time, mostly they tink Im a kid so they dont bother me much. the Roman Catholics have a non practicing gay thing to but I amint falling for it either so Im a non practicing Catholic to.
You raise me up so I can stand on mountains
You raise me up to walk on stormy seas
I am strong when I am on your shoulders
You raise me up to more than I can be.
Thank you Jeff
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Loved that laughed for a while.... very funny.
Paul J.
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Fingolfin
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Likes it here |
Location: Slovakia
Registered: August 2008
Messages: 265
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Hilarious!!!!
Much quicker method than I use: decompose their speech by counter-arguments...
Marek
It is better to switch on a small light than to curse the darkness.
- Vincent Šikula, Slovak writer
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aunt forced me into the RCC and im like meh idc singing is cool
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Nice to see the scales fall from your eyes.
I sometimes wonder how stupid people can be to be taken in by these guys.
Love,
Anthony
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Great thread! About the only thing going for the Mormons in my opinion is their choir. Too many strings attached, as in the earlier posts. My family and I saw one of their performances in Salt Lake City. Had us fill out cards as to our denomination and religious background. When they saw Lutheran on ours, they left us alone. "Hard headed" Germans, we figured.
Cycling is the one sport where a guy can shave his legs, wear spandex and bright colors, and be accepted.
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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I still think Donny Osmond is hot!
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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e
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On fire! |
Location: currently So Cal
Registered: May 2002
Messages: 1179
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WAS hot, timmy. Now he's simply a good looking older gentleman.
Think good thoughts,
e
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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Hey, those are my erotic fantasies you are trampling on! He still beats David Cassidy hollow!
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Yes, very definitely!! David Cassidy was hot but now had decidedly lost it!! Donny has just carried it through into middle age....
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e
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On fire! |
Location: currently So Cal
Registered: May 2002
Messages: 1179
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Wow! David Cassidy! Yummy. Not to mention his brother Shaun. I must admit that I had many more fantasies about Donnie. I used to dream about hiking in the mountains of Utah (I figured if he was Mormon that's where he'd live) and finding Donnie in need of some sort of help. Of course it would rain (or there would be some other reason to get him out of his clothes) and we'd have to get undressed and crawl into the same sleeping bag to keep each other warm.
Think good thoughts,
e
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... we should all be mindful that any community, whether a forum such as this, or the street where we reside is comprised of diverse cultural, political and religious components.
Yes, oftentimes we may feel the behaviour of one group or another is qwerky, or even just plain (and in our opinion downright) offensive; and, yes, we all at one time or another may have (and probably still do) laugh, and even ridicule such behaviour; but, our reactions most likely stem from either intolerance or ignorance, rarely from cause.
Here at APOS I'm reminded that within this community we have at least three members of the Mormon fraternity, none of whom to the best of my knowledge have ever spoken about yours or my practices as we speak of theirs this day.
I, for all practical purpose, "married" a Mormon, this being 1968, and if you think it may have been easy, try having walked in my shoes, or those of the man I revered until his untimely death at the age of 27 some eleven years later.
Jon was my rock, my compass ... my whole world, and all throughout these intervening 30 years, there hasn't been a day I haven't thought of him, and wanted him to hold me, to guide me ... to love me still.
Picture this, if you will ... Canada in 1967, was a society just beginning it's metamorphosis from a bastion of atypical Francophone/Anglo-Saxon/Celt, and predominently caucasian society, to that which we enjoy today; this being a largely homogenous multicultual community where it's founding elements now comprise less than 35% of its' population.
This was the canvas on which Jon and I first met at "expo'67", and until "Oaska'76" the only Universal and International Exposition held outside of Europe. I had just finished touring the Mormon Pavilion, and there he stood, starched white shirt, name tag, pressed black tailored trousers, spit-polished loafers; all 6-feet 5-inches, 200-pounds of him. Buzz-cut (almost military in style) red-hair, emerald-green eyes, and the most disarming smile I had ever in a day encountered. He shouldn't have been there, as he wasn't old enough, but his elder brother Aiden was on the governing council in Utah, and lead adviser to their Church's first ever participation at a Worlds Fair, and allowed Jon to tag along. It was Jon's first time away from home; hell's bell's, he hadn't prior to this been further away from his home than the city of Des Moines some 75 miles southwest of where he was born. It was all so new to him. Montréal was simply put, a huge city (some 3-millions) by his standards, Canada a strange country, where english, his own language wasn't even the native tongue, and whilst widely spoken, was just barely tolerated by the community hosting the fair.
He shyly approached me, hand extended outright to clasp mine, all the while saying "Hi, my na-na-name i-i-is Jon, and I-I-I kn-KNOW YOU!". I stopped dead in my tracks. I didn't quite know how to respond to this, so I remained mute ... stunned would have been a better word for it. Here was this apparent Celtic God approaching me, smile abeam, eyes alight with warmth, stuttering and stammering all over the place in embarrassment, but steadfast in his stride none-the-less for it. It transpired that he apparently DID KNOW me. He had seen pictures of me in the pages of magazines he cherished (and hid from his family), images advertising power-tools for a then emerging, and would later become, giant amongst that industry from it's humble and almost unknown roots in Brockville, Ontario. The particular picture he most recognized me from is one and the same that I use to this day for my avatar at this and other forums where I am known.
Thus began the roller-coaster ride of our lives, and frankly one I wouldn't have missed for the world, and long for to this day.
Jon was the most spiritual person I have ever known, not in any preachy kind of way, just simply that he truly believed. Never once, in our years together, did he ever try to convert me, or anyone we knew. He just believed. Neither sanctions by his church because of our relationship nor his being disavowed by his family could waver that faith. When the dust settled from his leaving home to come live with me, we chose Toronto to reside in, and a neighbourhood in Scarborough, one of Toronto's then suburbs to call home. Our choice made for us two fold - I couldn't live in the same city that my parent did (my father's choice) and we needed to be near a Mormon church. Ironic that, as he wasn't allowed to set foot in it, but a Mormon church it had to be. It would be some 6-years before he crossed the threshold of that building, and then only if I would attend with him. This being made possible by the intervention of my Bishop (who saw no problem in our relationship, and to whom Jon became a valued and trusted friend) with the local council of the Mormon church.
Whence we first met, I was not to put to fine point on it, a "Columbine" just waiting to happen; this not-with-standing considerable success in my chosen career, and a degree of choice and independence not then widely enjoyed by most teenagers of my acquaintance. Jon brought stability to my life, strength of purpose, and with it unconditional love. I would not be who I sincerely hope that I am today without his having been the architect of the fabric of what I would later evolve into as a man.
Today, I speak of all this, from a 3-bedroom apartment in a 20-story building on the ground floor of which is located the local Muslin school, a building whose residents are comprised largely by non Christian's, and a potpourri of cultures and races, situated on a street in a community which hosts a mosque, a synagogue, both Hindi and Bhuddist temples, Presbyterian, Roman Catholic and Lutheran churches all within a stone's throw of my doorstep. Catholic, Protestant and Jewish stated-funded public schools all are with walking distance, as are a myriad variety of dry- and hard-goods stores, bakeries, butchers and restaurants.
Yet despite (or perhaps in spite of) this, the only missionaries routinely banging on my door are Christian of one flavour or another, whether they be Seventh-day Adventists, Jehovah's Witness, some new-fangled "Family values, Born again" 1-800 Ministry, and yes I will admit to it, the occasional Mormon. These "salespeople" are always caucasian, always purporting to carry the true word, and never from any other faith but Christian, and never any other race but mine own.
Why is that?
Warren C. E. Austin
Toronto, Canada
[Updated on: Tue, 20 January 2009 18:01]
"... comme recherché qu'un délice callipygian"
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... yup, the same man I remember.
And still thinking those same good thoughts, as LOL I am too!
Warren C. E. Austin
Toronto, Canada
"... comme recherché qu'un délice callipygian"
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That gives a glimpse, Warren, of what sounds a quite fascinating story. I'd love to read more. Is there any more somewhere?
Or would you consider writing some?
I'm an extremely prosaic person and have never attempted to tell stories and suspect I lack the imagination for fiction but I'm trying to put down some of my own life - and maybe as it is seen through my memory it is fiction to some extent after all.
Of all the cities I've visited I found Toronto the most civilised. Why did I write that? I'm obviously trying to curry favour. I should obviously stop.
Love,
Anthony
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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To answer your question is to seem to ignore the wonderful tale that precedes it. But I will answer it.
Since Christianity was started in the Middle East by a Jew, one who had been fully immersed in the Jewish culture, ceremonies, teachings and religion, and a devout yet unconventional man who preached in Jewish parables and appealed to the Jewish culture, religion and race, first Europeans in the shape of the Romans and then far more widespread non middle eastern people have claimed the man, Jesus, for their own race.
Thus it is that the white man is the chosen race and chooses to earn points by being a missionary and converting others. White man chose to be the chosen race and chose to be elite. And white man didn't even get technology first! He just had and has the supreme arrogance to believe that he is better than any other race.
Yet put him in the outback in Australia or the frozen north of Canada, and see if he can survive, even with a survival manual written by local people and even with an example to follow.
That was meant to be a simple answer, but it is the start of a speech.
[Updated on: Tue, 20 January 2009 17:47]
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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I also read somewhere while I researched on the net about the church that, according to Joseph Smith, the dark skin people as he call it, are cursed because they disobeyed the commandments. Hmph! The more I read the book of Mormon, the more I realised that it isn't my Higher Power (my loving God as I understood him). My Higher Power loves me no matter what. I believe in a Higher Power, I believe there was a Jesus Christ. I now also believe there was a Joseph Smith, but as a fraud.
My Higher Power won't stop or discourage me from masturbating, having pre-marital sex, having homosexual acts, drinking coffee or tea, and most of all, he won't have me paying a 10% of my incoms (tithe).
I intend to buy the ¨Latter Days¨ DVD about an openly gay man falling in love with a closet gay missionary.
[Updated on: Tue, 20 January 2009 21:34]
Blake's my boy.
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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The tithe is not unique to the Mormons, you know. It was a tax levied by every church. It has not died out.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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e
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On fire! |
Location: currently So Cal
Registered: May 2002
Messages: 1179
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You ar correct, Warren. I tried to keep my comments to my personal experience with a handful of Mormons in particular and not generalize to all of them as a whole. I apologize if I offended you or any of our Mormon brethern.
I have a very difficult time with ANY religion, but not necessarily with its followers. With the diversity of culture we have here in Los Angeles, I have learned that I can get along with most people of most cultures. But there will always be those few. Unfortunately its usually the ones we don't get along with that we talk about the most.
Think good thoughts,
e
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Re: The missionnaries 
