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ok so my ex who i was with for over a year cheated on me, and crushed me. to the point i tried something that i am not proud of and i owe my life to my best-friends. but thats besides the point. this was all 6 months ago. i am at a cross road in my life and i am not moving any where. so i met this guy. and he is amazing and he went thru the same thing as me at the same time. and we are friends we dated for 3 months and we put us on hold. cuz we both are at a cross road. but the issue is we both have strong feelings and we want to be together but at the same time we dont want to get hurt. and we want time alone just as much as we want to be together. i have been trying to sort thru all this but i keep running circles its like trying to make sense of nothing. no matter how i work the problem the ans is always =. torn between to options when each one has the same value.
ugggggg this is driving me nuts and I have no idea what to do. so thats why i am reaching out looking for an out side option on things
 ??
Jayson
So say what you want
(You know I'm wasting all my time)
You've gotta mean it when you say what you want
(You're only safe when you're alone)
And everybody's on your mind
Saying anything to get you by
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Dear Jay,
There are two problems. The problem of trust and the problem of desire.
And you both have them. To overcome the problem of trust you have to be honest to each other and open too. And you may be able to keep talking and gradually establish that you are each worthy of the other's trust.
The other problem is that there is always the risk that either of you may be overcome by the desire for someone else. It is this danger that is reduced by living together - but living together is likely to make each of you seem 'old' to your partner sooner than if you were to live apart.
And if you can establish trust and retain desire for each other then it may be that you could each give commitment to each other. That would be what I wanted in a relationship and I would then make it exclusive because if either of you has sex with anyone else they are taking a serious risk that the initial flush of lust and desire for that third party will turn into love and break the partnership.
So my opinion is that you should spend a lot of time together and get to know each other as well as you possibly can and see if each of you can be the best lover the other has ever had or hopes to have. And go on holiday together and meet new challenges.
I think you build a partnership a brick at a time and over a period and that it brings benefits that are REALLY worth the effort.
I was looking at a web site yesterday that might be a good example:
http://scenicboys.typepad.com/scenicboys/
I hope you like it!
Love,
Anthony
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oh we dont live to gather this is not about my ex.
So say what you want
(You know I'm wasting all my time)
You've gotta mean it when you say what you want
(You're only safe when you're alone)
And everybody's on your mind
Saying anything to get you by
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Sorry if I wasn't clear, Jay, I did realise that.
Love,
Anthony
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