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In a recent post I wrote:
On the other hand, when I was through puberty I don't recall ever rejecting a sexual opportunity! (Wow. Did I really say that?) I mean until I got married!
I wonder whether people on here DID reject any worth mentioning. I'd like to know whether everyone is like me or whether you are all picky (or guilty) enough to turn people down.
Love,
Anthony
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The only one that immediately springs to mind was when I was about eight - still at prep school, anyway. The usual autumn trip to buy school uniform for the coming year, from Eliston and Cavell in Oxford. I remember being accosted by a middle-aged man in the Gents there ...
However, I think I'm often so oblivious to things that there may have been a fair number of opportunities (or even moderately overt suggestions) that I simply failed to notice.
"The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. ... Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night devoid of stars." Martin Luther King
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Elliston and Cavell brings back memories to me too.
But I remember buying a very tight fitting pair of sailcloth trousers in Vince Man's shop and the shop assistant certainly fondled me and I guess would have taken things further if I hadn't been so frightened by the semi-public fitting facilities there.
Love,
Anthony
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acam wrote:
(snip)
>and I guess would have taken things further if I hadn't been so frightened by the semi-public fitting facilities there.
Hmmm ... sometimes, when it's clear there's mutual interest, but there isn't really opportunity, it's enough to have material to occupy one's solo sessions.
I don't really count situations where there's an unacceptably high risk of unwanted non-participants appearing as "opportunities" ... I'm not especially body-shy, but I don't regard sex as a spectator sport.
"The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. ... Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night devoid of stars." Martin Luther King
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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I didn't have enough opportunities to turn down! But there are two that I wonder about. Were they opportunities?
The first was Geoff. He and I were in the first year Metallurgy course and he was very cute indeed, slim, long mouse brown hair. This was the day of tight waisted flared trousers. And in a Physics practical Geoff gradually, while facing me, and almost imperceptibly eased the waistband down all the way to the top of his pubic hair. His flat abdomen was gorgeous. But was it an opportunity?
The second was Maurice. Maurice was ungorgeous but magnetic. There was a room a clique of us used to hang out in. Moz was a previous member of the clique, back on a visit. And he insisted on wrestling with me, there, with everyone else, on the floor. I wasn't at all attracted to him, I found it a bit bizarre. But was that an opportunity?
Every other opportunity I took. Unfortunately they were all girls. All three of them!
[Updated on: Sun, 08 March 2009 13:30]
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Geoff sounds like one. I think I'd've been tempted to mimic his body-language, gently ease down my own trousers to match, and see how things developed ...
Moz I doubt ... my experience (limited and long-ago) was that guys who do the wrestle thing are using it as a substitute for facing up to same-sex attraction, rather than a prelude to action.
But I'm astonished if those were your only opportunities - your photos show you as attractive then, and you're attractive now. Not, perhaps, to the guys that you'd like to be attracted to you, but that as we all know is rather a feature of life!
"The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. ... Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night devoid of stars." Martin Luther King
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I've never been very good at reading other people, and as a teenager I was well behind my contemporaries in that regard.
I remember peers at school flirting with me occasionally, sometimes outrageously, in the way that British public schoolboys are wont to do sometimes, and if I were relaxed in that person's company then I would flirt back. However, I only remember how I perceived it at the time, which was that it was all a joke. In retrospect I wonder if I was being naive, and it could in some circumstances have have been serious; but with only childish memories at my disposal, I don't think I have enough data to come to any conclusion. The only way I could know is if I were to ask my contemporaries about it, but this would be embarrassing, and I'm not sure whether I actually want to know the answer anyway.
I've never been aware of being accosted by anyone in my life. Since I would definitely not have known how to react, it's probably a good thing.
David
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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Looked at rationally I was pleasant to behold. And I have never understood why there were no queues of equally pleasant looking girls and boys at least somewhere near me, when I look back.
I could leave a party with just about any girl, even someone's long term girlfriend.
But maybe I exuded "GAY GAY GAY" pheromones to the girls, and all the boys were too scared too.
Geoff I think was a missed opportunity. But it never happened again. And I was shy.
[Updated on: Sun, 08 March 2009 14:43]
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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It might do no harm at all to talk about the flirting when you are with them, though. Not to ask, exactly, but to mention that it was fun!
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Yes, David,
I think I'm with you as far as failing to read my contemporaries - certainly at school and to some extent afterwards.
When I was 45 an old school friend told me that another boy in our class was in love with me. At the time I didn't realise it or even notice. When pointed out to me 28 years later it was blindingly obvious!
And, if I may say so, no-one knows how to react before they are accosted for the first time. It is even possible to be so naive that you don't recognise the come-on for what it really is.
And, actually it is very easy. You just say "Yes, please."
Have I told you about the time Rex came up to me in the first quad and said to me "How would you like to sleep with a black man? I have a friend coming to stay who would like a little company."? I should say that Rex Nettleford was a stunningly beautiful black man and president of the Oxford Ballet club and that I don't think we had exchanged more than a "Good morning." before that occasion. I was a bit gobsmacked to realise that my homosexuality must have been obvious - or how could he have known? In keeping with the way I opened this topic I said "Yes, of course." and went on the assignment - somewhere down the Abingdon Road - but it wasn't a success. The guy was very nice but not in Rexes street for looks and somehow I wasn't turned on and after an hour or so I think we parted amicably.
Strange to think that must have happened in 1956 or 1957 - before the Wolfenden report on prostitution and homosexuality! A bit worrying to think that I was so obvious in a completely illegal activity!
I wonder if I ought to be ashamed? I'm not, of course!
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e
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On fire! |
Location: currently So Cal
Registered: May 2002
Messages: 1179
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I too was awful at reading people. The only girl I was really and truly attracted to in high school flirted with me throughout the 9th grade and I never realized it. Our last day of school before graduation, she signed my yearbook. I didn't read it until I got home, then I realized that she had as big a crush on me as I had on her. Unfortunately I never saw her again.
I can't remember any male ever flirting or propositioning me. There was once I wondered if maybe, though. He was an openly gay collegue and quite handsome (he looked exactly like Dudley Doright from the old cartoon). We used to eat lunch together and he told me he knew I was gay and offered to help me come out. I denied it of course. I did go out with him and some of his friends (all were gay) in the evenings after work a couple times, but no one seemed interested in me, though I was teased a bit.
As far as turning down an opportunity, there was one. It scared the hell out of me. One morning I entered the dorm room of my best friend in college (who I had a crush on). He was still in bed we talked for a moment and then his girlfriend (who was also quite attractive) popped out from under the sheet. Enough of him was revealed to notice that he was in his underwear and her head was below his waist. I couldn't tell what she was wearing. I very nervously made an excuse to leave, but was invited to stay. I left, but really wanted to stay.
Think good thoughts,
e
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I turned all mine down out of sheer naïveté and spent my life regretting it. Carpe diem.
Hugs
Nigel
I dream of boys with big bulges in their trousers,
Never of girls with big bulges in their blouses.
…and look forward to meeting you in Cóito.
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Wow e (to coin a phrase!)
If it had been me I wouldn't have had any underwear on!
The last time I wore clothes in bed must be more than 55 years ago.
And at university age I might have been attracted to join in a threesome. I wonder.
I never had an offer like that though. Of course when I went to university all the colleges were single sex.
So my opportunities were very few for heterosexual encounters.
Love,
Anthony
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Oh Dear, Nigel.
I wasn't trying to make you jealous. It was more in the nature of a confession!
Never mind.
Love,
Anthony
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e
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On fire! |
Location: currently So Cal
Registered: May 2002
Messages: 1179
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I was so caught off guard by the situation that I wasn't sure what to do or say. I wanted to stay, but I was too unsure of myself. I wasn't a virgin, but didn't have much experience. I also thought it could end up being a joke with me making a fool of myself. My friend was decidedly NOT gay and I still can't imagine his girlfriend wanting a threesome. But it sure did seem like that's what they were offering.
Think good thoughts,
e
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I'm not jealous, Anthony, just making up for lost time (in my dreams!).
Hugs
Nigel
I dream of boys with big bulges in their trousers,
Never of girls with big bulges in their blouses.
…and look forward to meeting you in Cóito.
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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I've just remembered another. It gave my friend ray the clue that I was gay. We were at his girlfriend's parents' flat in a rather less than safe part of Wandsworth, and I was wondering if my car would still have its wheels on when we got back to it.
He was in flagrante delicious with his g/f, the older sister, and I was given the opportunity by the younger to taste her fleshly delights. It wasn't a concious thing, but the enthusiasm was impossible to raise. She was a popular target for the boys, it wasn't that she needed a triple bag or anything, but, well, all those nubile acres of femininity weren't what I wanted.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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And what age were you at the time, Timmy?
Car owning so probably 20+?
I don't know what you mean about needing a triple bag. What's one of those?
I don't think I would have failed to take the opportunity.
Love,
Anthony
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I went through my teens, twenties and thirties without ever accepting a sexual opportunity. Not that I encountered them much. It was something that happened to other people.
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Oh, dear! I've remembered one. Well sort of one.
Professor Archie Campbell had the hots for a friend of mine and we were both invited to meet for drinks after supper at Charles Monteith's place in Maida Vale - I think it was in Hamilton Terrace.
And, to let Archie try to seduce my friend, Charles and I disappeared into his bedroom. And we got naked but I didn't fancy him and I don't think he particularly fancied me and, after a while we sort of gave up and talked about something else (actually the Japanese prisoner of war camp he was in).
So it was an offer and if I had been eager enough I could have taken it to orgasm. But I didn't. And it must have been in 1959 because I was able to drive home in my car - which was older than I was!
You will notice that I have only named the dead.
Love,
Anthony
PS Charles was a publisher at Faber and had an amazing list of clients.
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Yep. Me, NW.
I was young, extremely fit and not ugly and I never had to take the initiative.
I think it would have been better for me if I had had to. But I was always the chased one and didn't ever get chaste!
But actually, most of the time I was frustrated by being unable to get enough often enough.
Like everyone I think.
As Betjeman said, when asked if he had any regrets - "Not enough sex!"
Love,
Anthony
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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I think 19/20 or thereabouts. Can't recall for sure.
Triple bagger? 2 for her in case the first one falls off and the third for you in case both fall off and the ugliness turns you to stone!
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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