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You are here: Home > Forum > A Place of Safety > General Talk > Things I'd have liked to do
Things I'd have liked to do  [message #55931] Mon, 09 March 2009 15:01 Go to next message
acam is currently offline  acam

On fire!
Location: UK
Registered: July 2007
Messages: 1849



One of the things I am mesmerised by is gymnastics. If only I had known about them when I was young enough to DO them!

Here is a link to a site where there are some quite marvellous feats.

http://punktus.nu/akro/tmp/index.php?s=video&mapp=24%20timmars%202003

And for a couple of guys showing off do look at Jack and Filip on the same site.

http://punktus.nu/akro/tmp/index.php?s=video&mapp=Tricks

Love,
Anthony
Re: Things I'd have liked to do  [message #55932 is a reply to message #55931] Mon, 09 March 2009 15:22 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13801



I'd have liked to do so many:
  • Sing well and in tune (wrecked my a teacher at age 7 and reinforced by her every term until 13)
  • Gymnastics (yes, me too)
  • Cubs (not allowed for some reason by my weird parents)
  • Care for a pet (as above)
  • Finish building my own bike from scrap bike parts found in the local woods (Apparently this was lower class, so not allowed)
  • Be good at public speaking while a kid so I could have become a barrister. I was too afraid to even consider the career.
  • Be a "To Serve Them All My Days" Schoolmaster
  • Kissed a boy and been kissed back.
  • Taken a K2 down the Exe Descent canoe race
  • Bought a Citroen Light 15, and a Champ jeep with the Rolls engine (discouraged by my parents as stupid and a waste of money)
  • Dared to be me
  • Kept my school friends
  • Been taught how to be good at team ball games

[Updated on: Mon, 09 March 2009 15:24]




Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: Things I'd have liked to do  [message #55941 is a reply to message #55932] Wed, 11 March 2009 14:12 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Fingolfin is currently offline  Fingolfin

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Location: Slovakia
Registered: August 2008
Messages: 265



Hi, Timmy,

there's truly only one and you know it.... The third from the bottom...and, btw, you have been yourself for your whole life in all things but one. People fail in so many things in their lives that it's not often even worth counting. But they succeed in plenty more, though they don't realize it. You have (succeeded), you maybe don't (realize). All the best to you

Marek



It is better to switch on a small light than to curse the darkness.
- Vincent Šikula, Slovak writer
Re: Things I'd have liked to do  [message #55947 is a reply to message #55931] Wed, 11 March 2009 22:34 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Benji is currently offline  Benji

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Location: USA
Registered: August 2007
Messages: 297



Well Anthony, I was a competing gymnast for over five years when I was younger in High school, yes it was exciting and fun. But years later, the aches of those falls and sprains have taken a toll on my body, right knee, both ankles, both shoulders. Oh, well..no pain no gain as they say!
Re: Things I'd have liked to do  [message #55950 is a reply to message #55947] Thu, 12 March 2009 10:49 Go to previous messageGo to next message
acam is currently offline  acam

On fire!
Location: UK
Registered: July 2007
Messages: 1849



Well, Benji, I don't envy you the aches and pains - I have some of my own, but as I say I would have loved to be able to do those things.

As it was I disliked contact sports and, mainly to avoid Rugby (but with a side benefit of avoiding the boredom of cricket) I rowed at school and university. And, had I been a gymnast, I would no longer be able to do much; but I can still scull my boat up and down in Bristol's 'floating' harbour or on the river Avon at Saltford. So maybe I chose wisely.

Love,
Anthony
Re: Things I'd have liked to do  [message #55951 is a reply to message #55941] Thu, 12 March 2009 14:45 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13801



But I do not feel that I have ever truly been myself. And that is the point, I think



Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: Things I'd have liked to do  [message #55952 is a reply to message #55951] Thu, 12 March 2009 16:43 Go to previous messageGo to next message
acam is currently offline  acam

On fire!
Location: UK
Registered: July 2007
Messages: 1849



Oh! Timmy, you give the impression of great self confidence and that you are completely at ease with yourself.

Is it really that false an impression?

Love,
Anthony
Re: Things I'd have liked to do  [message #55953 is a reply to message #55952] Thu, 12 March 2009 20:20 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13801



All my life I have worn armour. So I can give an impression of being wonderfully at ease in any social situation except being asked to sing solo. I can walk naked through a ballroom without turning a hair; not that I ever have, but I can.

That doesn't mean I am completely at ease with myself. Inside I churn still about the idiocy, or self preservation, that meant I never told a young man nine month solder than me that I adored him. Understand that I would have hoped for a good result and accepted a bad one. I simply never gained explicit closure.

I am sure,today, that if I receive that closure I will find something else to fret about. But it drives me.

My wife said to me "I'm sorry. I've realised you can never be happy." She's right. I can be content, but not happy.

I am confident, urbane, apparently sociable but loathe business smalltalk and networking, and I appear at ease with the world. It takes practice. It's worth practicing. People believe you if you look and act confident.

In the company of gay men I am most at ease. No-one expects me to ogle the pretty girl and comment on her tits. I'm safer. But I am not in that sanctuary long enough to learn complete relaxation.



Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: Things I'd have liked to do  [message #55954 is a reply to message #55953] Thu, 12 March 2009 21:42 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Roger is currently offline  Roger

Really getting into it
Location: USA
Registered: February 2007
Messages: 522



Wish I had known you earlier Timmy. The one most important thing Mark ever taught me was to be comfortable in my own skin. Sitting at home reading or going thru papers from school we were relaxed with each other.

Your wife was right, ou can never be happy. You gave up the possibility of having a mate to pour your heart out to, but chose to be safe and wear masks.

I wish I could hug you for real and tell you things are ok. But you know my heart goes out to you and you are never far from my thoughts.



If you stand for Freedom, but you wont stand for war, then you dont stand for anything worth fighting for.
Re: Things I'd have liked to do  [message #55955 is a reply to message #55954] Thu, 12 March 2009 22:48 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13801



I do. When I made my choices I was weirdly unaware that I was choosing.



Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: Things I'd have liked to do  [message #55956 is a reply to message #55954] Fri, 13 March 2009 03:19 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Macky is currently offline  Macky

Really getting into it
Location: USA
Registered: November 2008
Messages: 973



Nicely said, Roger.



Behold, how good and how pleasant it is
For brothers to dwell together in unity!
Ps 133:1 NASB
Re: Things I'd have liked to do  [message #55957 is a reply to message #55953] Fri, 13 March 2009 06:41 Go to previous messageGo to next message
dimarvalc is currently offline  dimarvalc

Getting started
Location: Puerto Rico
Registered: February 2009
Messages: 6



I can relate to this a bit. Been wearing different masks for as long as I can remember. But 20 years later, they begin to fall apart and now I am only left with a few, and life seems brighter, my heart feels much lighter than before, but I am also more vulnerable than ever.

I suppose that safety is sometimes much better. I am sure I would feel at ease in the company of gay men as well, but I haven't experienced that yet.

Sometimes, our regrets fuels our drive to live. My past defines who I am today, and I cannot say I am completely happy about the things I did or did not do, but I am proud of who I am today, mostly of how I think and what I feel inside, so I need to have some kind of admiration to what once was.

dimarvalc



"We are not now that strength which in old days Moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are, - One equal temper of heroic hearts, Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield." Ulysses by Tennyson
Re: Things I'd have liked to do  [message #55958 is a reply to message #55957] Fri, 13 March 2009 07:12 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13801



As the masks fall away life truly does get brighter. My own impetus is to strip away all unnecessary masks. But which are still necessary?



Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: Things I'd have liked to do  [message #55959 is a reply to message #55958] Fri, 13 March 2009 11:42 Go to previous messageGo to next message
dimarvalc is currently offline  dimarvalc

Getting started
Location: Puerto Rico
Registered: February 2009
Messages: 6



I suppose that is different from person to person. I know that my seriousness mask, the very first one, and the one that has helped me the most, will never break. It has been made stronger and stronger by time, and it is very useful. But it is also the hardest to my heart, of them all.

And, in my case, I suppose that my "closet" masks will be with me for a very long time. There is the coming out to the family thing, and to my coworkers. But, when I get fired from work eventually in the coming months (or maybe today, I hope not), I will have another mask to wear if I get work again.

So, yes! Life does get better as we eliminate them, but I do not think all of them will be gone.

dimarvalc



"We are not now that strength which in old days Moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are, - One equal temper of heroic hearts, Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield." Ulysses by Tennyson
Re: Things I'd have liked to do  [message #55960 is a reply to message #55959] Fri, 13 March 2009 13:20 Go to previous message
timmy

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13801



We choose the masks we wear. And we wear them for our own reasons.

[Updated on: Fri, 13 March 2009 13:51]




Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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