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You are here: Home > Forum > A Place of Safety > General Talk > Here's why I told my wife i'm attracted to men
Here's why I told my wife i'm attracted to men  [message #56155] Thu, 26 March 2009 22:37 Go to next message
Macky is currently offline  Macky

Really getting into it
Location: USA
Registered: November 2008
Messages: 973



I told her for her sake and mine. She has been having this feeling that I don't want sex with her because I find her repulsive. I needed to explain how their is a difference between love and sex for me, and I was only sexually attracted to men. I think she understands the truth and depth of my love.

For myself, I needed to tell her because I need more freedom to be me. I want to be able to write to this forum and my gay friends without always having to sneak around hiding things from her. I told her I talk with guys on POS.

At some future time, I will discuss the following with her.
If I should ever feel that I would like to be friends with a guy, I will invite him home to meet Judy. Nothing sexual will happen except by her leave.

I would welcome your comments, Advice and suggestions.
Hugs Macky



Behold, how good and how pleasant it is
For brothers to dwell together in unity!
Ps 133:1 NASB
Re: Here's why I told my wife i'm attracted to men  [message #56157 is a reply to message #56155] Thu, 26 March 2009 22:44 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800



There is one important thing I think you have omitted. She may desire you sexually. There is a pleasant task to perform, which is to give the one you love the pleasure she craves and deserves. It may not be what you want most, but it is still fun.



Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: Here's why I told my wife i'm attracted to men  [message #56158 is a reply to message #56157] Thu, 26 March 2009 22:59 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Macky is currently offline  Macky

Really getting into it
Location: USA
Registered: November 2008
Messages: 973



Fantastic Timmy! I told her that I get great joy in making her happy and when she needs sex, just let me know and I guarantee a nice orgasm. I read several books on how to sexually please a woman before I got married. Manual stimulation is excellent exercize for the hands and arms too. My penis don't work too good anymore, but the book said most women can't achieve orgasm with only penal stimulation anyway. Which brings me to a question. Why isn't the index finger the sperm dispenser on a guy?



Behold, how good and how pleasant it is
For brothers to dwell together in unity!
Ps 133:1 NASB
Re: Here's why I told my wife i'm attracted to men  [message #56159 is a reply to message #56158] Thu, 26 March 2009 23:40 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800



They do quite like a penis, though. So get Cialis.



Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: Here's why I told my wife i'm attracted to men  [message #56164 is a reply to message #56155] Fri, 27 March 2009 09:10 Go to previous messageGo to next message
acam is currently offline  acam

On fire!
Location: UK
Registered: July 2007
Messages: 1849



Yes, Macky, but what did SHE say? How did she take it? Was she hurt or had she always suspected?

I don't get hard enough for penetrative sex any more, even with Levitra (my doctors recommended Viagra look-alike), but we do enjoy sex very much. The desire is as strong as ever, I think.

But so much depends on how she feels. And what turns her on and how badly and how often she wants to be turned on and ... and ... and

Maybe your admission could lead to a regeneration of your sex life together. Maybe it could put her off worse than before. I expect you *know* how she feels but does she say so? Can you bring it to a good outcome?

Love,
Anthony
Re: Here's why I told my wife i'm attracted to men  [message #56165 is a reply to message #56164] Fri, 27 March 2009 15:20 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Macky is currently offline  Macky

Really getting into it
Location: USA
Registered: November 2008
Messages: 973



She is turning a lot of stuff over in her head right now. We talked about restarting our sex lives. She needs a lot of reassurance. And I find myself constantly thinking of more ways to reassure her. I probably said a bit too much about my experiences with unrequited love. My second episode of that involved a boy who was too young. I never lost control of myself and he never knew of those feelings and in 2 years time I got over it. I still have a nice mentoring relationship with the 40 year old today. After one of her long thinking spells, she felt obliged to ask if I ever felt sexual feelings for our son. That is at least one thing that I have never been tortured by. We are very open and affectionate right now and working this thing through. I expect it will take a while before it becomes clear where we're at.



Behold, how good and how pleasant it is
For brothers to dwell together in unity!
Ps 133:1 NASB
Re: Here's why I told my wife i'm attracted to men  [message #56166 is a reply to message #56159] Fri, 27 March 2009 15:25 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Macky is currently offline  Macky

Really getting into it
Location: USA
Registered: November 2008
Messages: 973



I haven't had a good boner for so long that I think I could get a thrill off just watching myself rise up. A nagging feeling, however, would I have this problem with a man. I guess its not good to think those kinds of thouhgts at this point though



Behold, how good and how pleasant it is
For brothers to dwell together in unity!
Ps 133:1 NASB
Re: Here's why I told my wife i'm attracted to men  [message #56167 is a reply to message #56166] Fri, 27 March 2009 16:24 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800



Again, use chemical enhancements. That is what your doctor is for.



Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: Here's why I told my wife i'm attracted to men  [message #56168 is a reply to message #56165] Fri, 27 March 2009 16:28 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800



It;'s odd. Women do not ask their heterosexual husbands if they are attracted to their daughters.

Clearly many are, simply because the daughter is a mini version in some ways of the wife.

I went through a brief period when I found my son attractive. I wasn't at all surprised by it. It seemed to me to be natural. In a different society fathers might initiate their sons into sexual matters. In ours that does not happen. This is purely societal.

Being attracted is harmless. Acting on the attraction can cause harm. So we do not do it. Pandora's box remains shut.



Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
Re: Here's why I told my wife i'm attracted to men  [message #56169 is a reply to message #56168] Fri, 27 March 2009 17:08 Go to previous message
Macky is currently offline  Macky

Really getting into it
Location: USA
Registered: November 2008
Messages: 973



I was like a father stand-in for the boy I fell in love with, a relationship that lasted almost 14 years. It sneaked up on me. I did not know it was happening until he became sexually active with girls,and I came down with a severe case of jealousy. I think it might have been similar to the way some fathers feel about their daughters, when the girls become more attached to the boyfriend than to the daddy. Folks laugh at fathers like that. But you know. It ain't funny at all.



Behold, how good and how pleasant it is
For brothers to dwell together in unity!
Ps 133:1 NASB
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