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Macky
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Really getting into it |
Location: USA
Registered: November 2008
Messages: 973
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I have loved it ever since I told her. The new openness and ease of being myself in beyond description. I've gained such a close friend in the lady I've been living with for the past 20 years. The only difficulty for me in it has been trying to reassure her. For me it has been pure elation.
Judy felt insecure and unsure, and scared. I had envisioned the biggest problem that she would have; that being that she could never be a man who could give me total sexual fulfilment. I eased her mind by explaining that sex is not the most important part of our relationship. Also , I told her that my life would never be long enough to build the loving relationship I have with her with anyone else. In other words. I told her why our marriage was secure and permanent. We had a bit of sex for the first time in 10 years. I did not come to orgasm but she did. I really enjoyed the pillow talk though. It was the first time I ever talked about my unrequited first love to anyone face to face. She said she would like to read the story I wrote about it. That was real nice. Its also very nice to have you guys here to talk to about it. It's not the sort of over the garden fence conversation I can have with a neighbor. But this worldwide neighborhood is perfect. I'm very happy.
Hugs
Macky
Behold, how good and how pleasant it is
For brothers to dwell together in unity!
Ps 133:1 NASB
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Excellent to hear that it's going well. I'm sure there will be ups and downs, but it sounds as though you're well set on a path for you (and your wife) that will work out for both of you.
NW
"The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. ... Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night devoid of stars." Martin Luther King
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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One challenge she may not be able to voice is the weird doubt that mine had over 'sharing your head with someone else'. It is very hard to explain that you can truly love two folk at the same time. They seem never quite to understand that the love is of a different quality for each person.
The doubt is always "But if he walked into the room right now told you that he loved you, and asked you to leave with him, what would you do, what would you say?"
I think you have pre-answered that one. I'm not sure you should be the one to bring it out into the explicitness of the open, but you should be aware that it is there, in the background, probably.
To be fair, one cannot give a real answer until the real question is asked, but the probability of it happening is also important. And it is remote. It is not a cop out to mention the low probability, either.
Regarding the sex, way to go! And how wise you were not to chase after your own orgasm, but to make sure that she enjoyed the experience. I have another friends that I have advised gently that sex is not, unless the occasion demands it, a race to your own orgasm. Rather it is an experience where you give of yourself, hoping but not expecting also to receive. This is a fundamental truth whether your partner is the same or the opposite sex.
If you suffer at all from floppy dick, obtain the necessary chemicals to be teenage hard. They cost money under most circumstances. Mine are free for several reasons. And they work, giving self confidence plus "Gosh, he REALLY wants my body" emotions in your partner.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Macky
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Really getting into it |
Location: USA
Registered: November 2008
Messages: 973
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Yes Timmy,
Even though my love for any specific guy has long since departed, we did hit on the 'sharing you head' scenario from the standpoint of my wanting to have gay male friends. I said recreational male sex is not really anything that I need, but that I have learned that I can fall in love more than once. If I were to have a friend and it grew into a love as strong as I have with my wife, I admitted that the love might lead to desire for sexual fulfillment. I knew that this thought would disturb her, and truthfully, I find it disturbing myself, because I do not want anything to harm my relationship with my wife. I then went into specific points affecting the probability of this event. First I am not a very brave person socially or otherwise. I do not make friends easily. Second of all, Judy and I have grown together over 20 years. Its hard to top the bond that develops over that period of time. We have been through a lot together and have supported each other in ways that can not be easily duplicated in the time that is left to me on this earth. Third, I am bound by the promise that I made to her, but that is not because of me being an honorable person. I am really bound by my promise because of the faith she has in me to keep it. Indeed, it is only her faith in me that does make it possible for me to keep it. Of course, if she ever said that she would not be bothered if I played around with a guy, I would feel a wonderful devilish freedom from that. But there are restraining thoughts about whether I would ever want her to say that. I don't know how I would handle it, really. Its scary to think that I might get as caught up in the exhausting pursuit of sexual fun as I was before marriage. It would also mean taking sexual energy out of myself leaving less for my wife. And it would also mean exposure to diseases that would mitigate any freedom I felt. Besides that, I'm a busted down old man and who'd want me sexually. I guess I can always imagine something better than what I have, but when I imagine that, it is only fair that I discipline myself to recognize the drawbacks to any new imagined advantage. So right now I'm just enjoying what I have.
Behold, how good and how pleasant it is
For brothers to dwell together in unity!
Ps 133:1 NASB
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Well said, Macky. I almost wrote "Well admitted!" And perhaps because I feel much the same - but as usual I'm late on the scene. I'm not 57. I'm 74. I've been married and faithful for 46 years TODAY! I just realised it's my wedding anniversary. But if you are a 'busted down old man' what must I be?
As Timmy says, chemical assistance works to some extent and sex is still a joy. I hope we can go on till I'm 90!
Love,
Anthony
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Macky
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Really getting into it |
Location: USA
Registered: November 2008
Messages: 973
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Happy anniversary Anthony and Sylvia. Much more happiness to you both.
As to busted down old men: well yes, you are a bit older, but your sense of style, in choosing fabrics that accent your lithe and shapely god-body make you as desirable as an 18 year old. Not to mention your astute knowledge of men's underwear. Sylvia must be on constant alert, as you would make a great catch for any lover of the male form.
Behold, how good and how pleasant it is
For brothers to dwell together in unity!
Ps 133:1 NASB
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This is an affirming and hopeful thread, a joy to read. Continued good luck to you, Macky.
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Happy anniversary, Anthony!
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