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Macky
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Really getting into it |
Location: USA
Registered: November 2008
Messages: 973
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When you are a gay man married to a woman, sex is a bit unusual. I am much more emotionally attached to my wife than I have ever been to any of my former male partners. On the other hand, sexually I am only interested in men. My wife was frustrated that she could not bring me to orgasm and asked what else could be done. Sheepishly, I showed her a picture of a beautiful young man. I explained the things about the image that made it sexually exciting to me. She approved my using it in bed. It helped bring my sexual orientation together with my wife’s loving sexual stimulation. It helped my love for my wife to cooperate with my sexual desire for men, and the results were very good. Since we like having sex in the dark, I’m going to get an electronic picture frame to look at my guy while I love my lady.
Behold, how good and how pleasant it is
For brothers to dwell together in unity!
Ps 133:1 NASB
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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Try to share the erotic images. Find pictures that you each find appealing. Use videos that have something for each of you. Avoid rimming scenes. Ladies do not tend to like them. They are much more hygiene oriented than boys are.
But, above all, use this as additional recreation, not the norm. And find a treat for her that you can enjoy.
Remember that sex is meant to be fun. Sex is ridiculous and makes me laugh. Sex is hilarious. It doesn't matter whether it is a gentleman or a lady, sex is to be enjoyed.
If you crave anal penetration invest in dildos, and ask her to use them for you. I suggest you do not ask if you may penetrate her anally. This will switch on the "I am just a piece of meat, a man substitute" reaction. If she suggests it, make sure it is because she would enjoy trying it, not that she is doing it as the only hope of keeping you. Be prepared for her not to like things.
Tell her how your body works and ensure that you understand how her body works. Ask her.
Make sure that she is erotic with you and be erotic with her. Heck, print this off and ask her if it makes sense, if she is ready to see it.
But above all, SHE is the person you are sharing your body with. And she is sharing hers with you. Make sure she knows that is what you want.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Macky
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Really getting into it |
Location: USA
Registered: November 2008
Messages: 973
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Thank you for the advice Timmy. It seems we are in similar situations and you have more experience as I am just re-beginning sex with my wife after a 10 year hiatus. I am concerned about the use of the picture. It seemed fine for me and her. I shared not only the picture, but verbalized the fantasy I use with it, which does not involve sex with the young man depicted, but involves envisioning myself as the young man (I can email a verbal description of it if you do not understand). How does a fantasy using a picture differ from a fantasy just inside your head? I think there might be finer points in how I use the picture that would preclude any damage to our relationship because of it. And I don't use it everytime we have sex. I only use it when I need to have an orgasm.
Behold, how good and how pleasant it is
For brothers to dwell together in unity!
Ps 133:1 NASB
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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Heavens, no need to share the fantasy with me. Using a picture makes it tangible. As does using porn in a way.
I may be "ahead" of you, but it's quite hard being a natural bottom when the only heterosexual role is to be a top!
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Macky
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Really getting into it |
Location: USA
Registered: November 2008
Messages: 973
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OK Timmy, but you're missing a great little fantasy.
Seriously though, I think my wife is OK with this and we are communicating, and having a lot of fun with each other. And I can understand the need for care not to get so caught up in fantasies and images, that you neglect your partner.
Behold, how good and how pleasant it is
For brothers to dwell together in unity!
Ps 133:1 NASB
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