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As the subject says, so I want to fill you in on what's been happening in my world. Things are going much better at home. At times I might seem rambling, but that's accidental, because there's so much to tell. My therapist has been great. Right from the start he coached me to take things slowly, and I have positive results. I suppose that a common issue with guys my age coming out is they try to "make up" for all the lost time they were married and knew of other guys having sex. So they just throw themselves wide open to all sorts of dangers, both physically and mentally. I haven't done that, with good results. I have only told a few people that I felt comfortable with. The results are that I can live my life, and still feel like I can make my coming out a gradual process and choose who i want to know about me. I am becoming more comfortable "wearing the new shirt", as I describe it to my therapist. Not everyone has to see that shirt. I have also had to learn to like myself. I realized that I really hated who I was for so long, it took me awhile to begin to like myself. That seemed to happen within the past week, and I have been so much happier because of it.
With my wife, we have come to a few understandings. The discussions have not been easy, but the more we talk, the more at ease we are becoming. One was that she was not going to take away the house or demand I sign it over to her, so I felt more secure about that. My promise to her is that I don't plan on leaving her any time soon, so she feels more comfortable, too. We aren't going to rip the rug out from under each other in issues that are important to us. Up to this point I didn't think she was willing to listen to anything about my being gay, because that conversation would always end abruptly. She started to listen this past weekend. I joked about when I tell my gay friends that I live in a pink Victorian, I am the envy of them, because in their eyes, that's the coolest thing that could happen. She thought that was funny. We just bought her a Buick to replace her older Ford. Of course I joke about it being an old person's car that belongs in Florida. (Oh dear, how many people have I just insulted?) When we came out of the restaurant on Friday night, in the parking lot were lots of Crown Vic's, Lincoln Town Cars, and Buicks, all in white. I joked about all the Florida people being back for the season, and she replied that all they needed were pink flamingos to compliment the cars. I explained "remember what I said about the victorian, well that applies to pink flamingos, too." And she laughed. So, we are starting to talk about it.
I have also joined two groups that have interests the same as mine. There is a gay bicycling group I have joined. I was at their social 2 weeks ago, and went on the first bike ride with them on Sunday. We did about 21 miles. All of us are gay or lesbian. Had a great time. I was one of 3 newbies (virgins as they called us). The cool thing was I earned a great reputation, as I was the only one who knew how to change tires and tubes when they got flats (which there were 2). I also rode sweep, which is the last guy. Not exciting because you hang behind the last, slowest rider, and help with any problems. But I'm a secure enough rider that I didn't mind. I was able to make a sprint up a half mile hill, just for fun when I knew all was going well at the back of the line. That was fun, and a little showy, but I didn't brag. lol The group is a great social contact for me, and I feel so comfortable with them. They are helping me be more comfortable with who I am, too, because I see how comfortable they are with themselves.
The other group I have joined but not been to any functions is a gay car owners group. That will pick up more during the summer when the car shows begin. I have been to many of the car shows they attend, but have always been on the side lines. Now I can be one of the group. It will be a different group of people than the cycling group, so I have been expanding my circle of acquaintances and friends.
I have taken up snowboarding this winter. I have been a life-long skier, and wanted to try something different. I like it so much that I just bought a pair of snowboard boots. I have this thing about putting my feet in rentals. Maybe it's my escape, because when I'm on the mountain, the rest of the world goes away as I focus on linking turns and keeping the correct edge uphill. Sadly, the season is pretty much at an end unless I want to travel to northern Vermont. So, I'll probably just wait until next year to take a brush-up lesson, and dive in. Besides, I've washed all my ski gear, and I really have difficulty seeing both my skis and bicycle in the utility room at the same time.
My cycling season is in full swing with my first metric century (100 km, 62 miles) planned at the end of April in the Hershey, PA area, so I'm training for that. Yeah, I don't let too much moss grow under the feet.
Anyway, I figured I'd bring the board up to date with my life. Thanks for reading.
Cycling is the one sport where a guy can shave his legs, wear spandex and bright colors, and be accepted.
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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This sounds very positive. It proves that life is truly what you make it.
May I suggest that you also join a group with your wife to spoil her a little, too?
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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That's very good news, Scott, especially that you aren't threatened by or threatening your wife and that you are getting to be at ease together about it.
It was kind of you to tell us about it. I do hope it goes no being good and gets better.
Love,
Anthony
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