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Macky
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Really getting into it |
Location: USA
Registered: November 2008
Messages: 973
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I was talking to my wife yesterday. We determined that when I came out to her, it was very a freeing experience for me. However, for her, it was somewhat restricting, because she does not feel comfortable talking to any of her friends about it. It was like, when I came out of the closet, she stepped in. Do you think it might be good for our wives to get to know each other?
Behold, how good and how pleasant it is
For brothers to dwell together in unity!
Ps 133:1 NASB
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Dear Macky, as I think you know, I never came out to my wife. I told Sylvia I was gay before we got engaged. I've no idea whether she would like to talk to wives of men on here and I'll ask her - I have shown her the site and some of my posts because I want her to feel that she can see anything I say or do on the internet. I don't think she has looked at anything independently though.
And I guess I may have prevented her from entering any closet because all our close friends also know and quite a few not so close.
The only thing Sylvia has complained about is when I say I'm gay too definitely. She says that I must be bi and saying I'm gay leaves her out and she doesn't like that. Who would?
My take on this is that the sooner your wife can admit the way you are to her friends the better. After all in every way that they know, you are the same person you have always been. It's the same argument people use when they come out to their parents: "I haven't changed - I'm the same person you brought up and this fact about me really hasn't changed me in any way that ought to affect you."
But maybe I am 'way out' as in so many other things! Tell me if I am.
Love,
Anthony
[Updated on: Mon, 27 April 2009 16:42] |
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Sylvia isn't sure what she could contribute but is willing to join in if anyone wants to ask her anything: sylviac@blueyonder.co.uk
Love,
Anthony
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ray2x
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Really getting into it |
Location: USA
Registered: April 2009
Messages: 430
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When I told my wife of my gay activity, she at first thought it was good that I came clean. Over the years, she has not been very supportive of my past life and has taken a stance that she would rather not discuss my gay life. Thus, my wife would not want to partake in any discussions. I guess she wants that chapter closed and for me to move way beyond.
Currently, I am exploring my gay life in more depth that ever before and have discovered that as early as 8 years old, I have displayed a gay tendency with some neighbor boys. I have few other people who I can discuss this. Maybe one day I can explain it to my wife. She is in all a very good wife.
Raymundo
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Macky
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Really getting into it |
Location: USA
Registered: November 2008
Messages: 973
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Raymundo,
Sorry that your wife has the problem about your gay life. My wife is very supportive of me. I have been totally faithful to her since marriage. Is it the same with you? Or does she, perhaps, think that you have come to spend too much time on line, associating with gay acquaintances. Or have things changed since the birth of your daughter. Or, perhaps you feel no need to talk about it and she doesn't want to hear anyway...meaning that there is no problem. But somehow it seems to me that the more a couple know each other, the better the relationship.
Behold, how good and how pleasant it is
For brothers to dwell together in unity!
Ps 133:1 NASB
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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Wives do not like to hear about prior girlfriends. Why should prior boyfriends be any different?
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Macky
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Really getting into it |
Location: USA
Registered: November 2008
Messages: 973
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I wanted to tell my wife about my old boyfriends. Some of them were really sweet and they are good memories that I like to share. Others were funny...some were scarey. She told me about her old boyfriends too. We even explored the possibility that we may have dated the same guy.
Behold, how good and how pleasant it is
For brothers to dwell together in unity!
Ps 133:1 NASB
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ray2x
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Really getting into it |
Location: USA
Registered: April 2009
Messages: 430
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Our relationship has been great. No, I haven't really been going online onto gay sites or have had clandistine gay meetings. I guess it's a phase of our relationship in which she doesn't feel it's as important as taking care of our daughter. Like I wrote earlier, I've been discovering lately how early I have had gay tendencies. But you're correct in saying that our relationship has changed since the birth of our daughter, but in a good way. We work together more than before. So maybe just by working to take care of our daughter, the gay issue may have to take a back seat.
Raymundo
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Macky
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Really getting into it |
Location: USA
Registered: November 2008
Messages: 973
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What you say makes a lot of sense Raymundo. Kids make a big difference. There is nothing more important. There is nothing more rewarding. Be sure to enjoy the little girl. They grow up before you know it. (and you get to oogle all the guys she goes out with in years to come!) Hugs Macky
Behold, how good and how pleasant it is
For brothers to dwell together in unity!
Ps 133:1 NASB
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Yes, Raymundo, same with me. When we had Emily and the Alison to look after Sylvia and I were really fully occupied with that (& work) and I found much less need to recognise or express my gay side.
But I remember finding some of their boyfriends rather attractive!
And when they moved to the west we followed them and now live within three miles of them and help to look after our grandchildren (only a bit and less than we'd like). With luck and if you want that enough, you will be able to do the same sort of thing. And being honest with everyone and being willing to admit what you are helps. If you trust people they trust you!
I began to be more aware that I was gay more than fifteen years ago when I volunteered to help Stonewall (the LBGT lobby group that has had such amazing success at changing the laws about homosexuality) and then the local AIDS charity and so on.
And I guess what I wanted was to relate to other people like me. Since I got married I've had very few gay friends. And I was largely disappointed. I met some good people but didn't make friends and some people who were really untrustworthy - and I trusted them and they let me down.
The nearest I've found to what I needed was this place.
Love,
Anthony (Camacho)
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Yes, Macky, we too exchanged our previous histories. But Sylvia found it much harder to admit to the details than I did although she had only one previous man and I'd had a few men and two women!
And although it's often the occasion of shyness or shame, you must admit it's really really interesting!
Love,
Anthony
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Macky
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Really getting into it |
Location: USA
Registered: November 2008
Messages: 973
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I am with you Anthony. We married gays of yesteryear need some help. We have made commitments to our wives, yet we crave the companionship of men...especially guys like ourselves. We're probably a dying breed due to the recent progress in gay rights. But we are still here. And we are still hurting, in a way. And this is a wonderful place to come for some support and male companionship. I've never seen anything else like it.
Behold, how good and how pleasant it is
For brothers to dwell together in unity!
Ps 133:1 NASB
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Macky
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Really getting into it |
Location: USA
Registered: November 2008
Messages: 973
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Judy and I had a lot of laughs over the sharing. We know secrets about each other that were never divulged to anyone else....thats sorta special. Wives of gay guys are such wonderful people!
Behold, how good and how pleasant it is
For brothers to dwell together in unity!
Ps 133:1 NASB
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ray2x
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Really getting into it |
Location: USA
Registered: April 2009
Messages: 430
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I thank you for your kind words, Macky. I'll certainly be on the lookout for the parade of boys coming through the door. She's already eying a blond.
A hug back at you.
Raymundo
Raymundo
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ray2x
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Really getting into it |
Location: USA
Registered: April 2009
Messages: 430
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Thank you also for your kind words, Anthony. I do feel similar in that I haven't made time to know my gay tendencies. I've just recently discovered how early I had gay feelings towards boys my age. I didn't know of a gay culture until I went to college. I just also very very recently recognized I was in love with a friend in 6th grade. The friendship had all the hallmarks of a deep love and I was blind to the facts. So, I am making ground in getting acquainted with my gay spirits.
Raymundo
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