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Not sure where I'd be today had I not found this message board, and been able to use it as a safety valve, sharing opinions and feelings. Things have changed since that day when I made my first post here.
...And yet they haven't. One of them is I no longer feel comfortable sharing my innermost emotions, and that's a real problem. Because why am I here if not to do that?
How did this happen?
Well, to understand that, you have to know a little about the process I've gone through these past six months or so.
I was about as worn down emotionally as a person can be, and still be able to cling on to life. But I started telling about myself. Revealing who I am. It was a big step for me, scary in the beginning, then it became comforting, liberating.
I was changing physically too, like I've been telling you about. I've LOST about 25% of my body weight in fat, and transformed some more of it into a bit of muscle. That helped me too.
But that's not really what I want, nor what I need.
I shared of myself and benefitted from that, but in the process I also exposed myself. I was in hiding still, in relative safety. I also had a goal to look forwards to. It meant more to me than I realized myself then; Tim's birthday. It was everything for me. The only thing that mattered. Truly! EVERYTHING!
So I went to England. I went out of my hiding-place. It was great, despite the crappy weather. I couldn't have cared less about that, really (almost). For the first time I was Lenny to everyone, in everyone's eyes. That was great... It wasn't completely real, coz that's STILL not the name in my passport, but it was real enough anyway.
But I'm home again now, and many of you know what I look like. Either because you met me, or you've seen me in Tim's online photo-album. I'm not in hiding anymore, and while I don't really regret that, I'm not in hiding. I no longer have that to hide behind. I've been showing a more cheery myself for quite a while now. And I didn't want to 'disappoint' anyone by even hinting at the fact I'm maybe not feeling as happy as I thought I was. I've wanted to write this post for at least two weeks now, but not been able to make myself do it just for this very reason. I don't want to disappoint. To make myself less in the eyes of those I've gotten to know since I made those dark and moody posts in the beginning.
Like I said, I no longer feel completely comfortable here...
Those that have read my first posts know what it is I want, what I need, but I am still as much at a loss trying to find it now as I was then!
You know, I envy you married people. You may have given up on your preferred way of life, but at least you have SOMETHING.
Now that I'm past my trip to England I find I have nothing. I tried going on like I used to, but I can't. I'm finding it more and more difficult, I have one HELL of a motivation problem. I'm staying home, I don't even leave my apartement much though the weather's still fantastic (usually). I don't know what to do anymore now that I don't have a goal to aim at...
For me, it feels like I'm a whole generation too late to the party. Like all the fun's already been had... I missed the train, and it left without me.
I'm blue. Been for weeks. Months, really. Years, in fact. Decades. Only, I managed to suppress it for a while after coming here. But it was still there, it was only in hiding, in remission. My big, scary old friend that I've known all my life.
Also, it feels like I've become a bit of an institution around here, not taken for granted maybe, but... Oh, I don't know...
I get no joy out of it anymore. I feel like what I post has little meaning to me, less to anyone else. Like nobody gives a shit, least of all myself. I try my best, but I feel like I fall short every time. I fake it, trying to sound happy and carefree, but I'm not. Instead I find myself visiting here too often to see if there's been anything new posted, something that will pique my interest. Usually there isn't, and less often as time goes by.
I came here to find help, and for a while I did, but if it's not helping anymore...? What the FUCK am I to do then?
Yes, I'm blue.
Quasimodo:
The one you know is not the one I know.
I am different.
Knew I was different from as far I can remember.
I tried my best to become something.
I am not.
My best wasn't good enough.
Feeling lost and helpless, I should be old enough to find my own way.
My way led into a desert
The way out is out there somewhere, buried in the sand.
Just need to start digging.
Show some determination.
But do I have the strength to dig up a whole desert?
-Lenny
Aug. 29, 5:35 P.M.
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
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tim
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Really getting into it |
Location: UK, West of London in Ber...
Registered: February 2002
Messages: 842
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It is a journey. Why on earth should anyone be happy all the time, Lenny?
You are Lenny Valentine. Period. We know you as him, and he is the nice guy I hugged.
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e
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On fire! |
Location: currently So Cal
Registered: May 2002
Messages: 1179
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Lenny,
Your posts and your emails mean quite a lot to me. Even if we are just joking about baseball or talking about our stories, hearing from you brightens my day. it doesn't matter to me whether you call yourself Lenny, Zustara, Greg, or George. The name doesn't matter. You do.
You placed a lot of value and importance on your trip and now that it's over it is natural to have a let down. You came out of hiding and had a look around. You may have enjoyed it, you may be frightened by it. You changed your world and it is natural to want the old one back. Even if you didn't like your old world, there is a sense of comfort in its familiar surroundings.
Perhaps you can find yourself another goal. Another trip to look forward to, even if it isn't as grand or exciting as Tim's birthday. My big trip that has kept me excited this summer is my vacation to see my granddaughter that is coming up in a couple of weeks. But trips like that don't happen often. So I find smaller, less exciting trips. A baseball game, a weekend in Las Vegas, sometimes a "trip" to my little room where I write my stories. Those little things keep me going from day to day.
I never had the courage to do what you did. To come out of hiding and expose myself, even under a different name. That took a lot of strength. So I know you have it. Perhaps you can't dig up the whole desert, but perhaps you won't need to. Perhaps under some of those grains of sand, there lies a way out, even if only for a short while.
Think good thoughts,
e
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As you told me when I was trying to come out there is no better place to find help and friendship. To which I couldnt agree more. Don't forget we are still your friends even if the conversations do not seem always to impinge on your life. Don't give us up and keep talking. Although I didn't have the oportunity and pleasure of meeting you. Please accept a big hug and never give up hope of finding Mr Right. Mike
Friendship is the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts or measure words
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Sorry you’re feeling blue. Last time I saw you, you were green! And you caught every train you went for, even if they didn’t always reach the destination you expected (but then that’s the London Underground for you).
Do not be hard on yourself. The Lenny I met in London was great company and fun to be with. I always look forward to the messages which you post on this message board. They are insightful. And your stories reveal a fertile and creative imagination and great writing talent.
We all feel depressed at times. And living on your own can make it worse - there isn’t someone else around to take you out of yourself. But know that you are so much more than the gremlins inside you would have you believe.
And remember you have many friends here who wish you well.
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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ok here i sit drunk off my ass eating cold pizza and drinking ice water thinking how sorry my life is...and.... along comes your post.
lenny for what it is worth i really enjoy your posts...real or made up/faked.. i enjoy what you have to say.
blue...hell thats my daily one and only feeling. i have come to acctept it as my state of being...that is till i got here and this MB.
this MB is a point of salvation, it is a palce of SAFTY a place where we can be OURSELFS we dont have to be "what others expect" or "make others happy" we can just be who we are, even if we dont really have any fucking clue as to who we are.
william shakespear said it best ..."to thine own self be true" give it a try bro be honest with your self and then take it a step further and be honest with some one else...if your angry or sad or pissed tell the whole fucking world how you feel...so what you piss off a few folks, they will get over it, and if they dont its there problem.
(cold pizza is awesome)
give your self a break and dont you dare give up on us cause we are counting on you to help us help you.
later
peace
tim...of USA
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smith
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On fire! |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 1095
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I'm your friend.
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warren c. e. austin
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Likes it here |
Location: Toronto, Ontario, CANADA
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 247
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I'm far too new here to perhaps even consider making a comment regarding the anguish you are feeling, after all I have only come to know you at all through your writing, and various comments you've made throughout the life of this board; but, I do feel that I can whole-heartedly concur with all that others have been able to say through their responses to your present feelings.
Everyone one of us here, youth or adult, have our own issues that we are coming to grips with, and hopefully dealing with satisfactorily, and the one common denominator that we all shar is that we do all truly need one another.
I can only further add that I need you Lenny, as much, or perhaps more than many others here.
I want to be able to tell you that, and now I've said it.
Warren C. E. Austin
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Sorry that I may seem impolite and ungrateful, not being able to thank all of you properly the way I should. *sigh* I can't help it right now...
I need to find some way to ride out this (latest) storm of mine, I don't know what to do but maybe something will present itself. Maybe just waiting will fix it. I don't know.
Nice to know you're there though.
-Lenny
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
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Hey...
First of, why would anyone on this board be disappointed in you because you're feeling blue? I know I'm not! And secondly, people DO care, and I personally am more gratefull to you than you seem to know. I don't know where I'd be if it wasn't for you... It may not seem like you're doing much, but at the moment you and one other person (whom I met through YOU, I might add) are the only ones I can really speak to. I don't need to be afraid of losing your friendship for being gay. And I do consider you a friend. A good one.
And you being in England and coming out of hiding, WAS real. So people know you by different name than your family knows you. Does the name really matter so much? I didn't arrange my trip schedule to be in England with a name. I arranged my trip schedule, so I could meet YOU, not your name. It doesn't matter to me what you're called, I'm friends with the person inside.
And I think I know what you mean when you say that you're not in hiding anymore. OK, I'm not out to as many people as you are, but the idea that I'm out is kinda scary. But because I'm out I can actually be myself in your company (even if it's "only" online), I don't need to feel ashamed of what and who I am.
Remember the conversation we had the other day? When I told you how I was feeling towards a certain person? I want to thank you for your kind words (again). You're a good person. And a good friend. And if you for some reason feel that I don't know the real you then tell me. And if there's anything I can do to help, just ask, okay?
Setras
PS: And, while I'm at it, Hi to everyone *waves a hand*! And Thank You All, for this place.
That which is dreamed can never be lost, can never be undreamed.
-Master Li in Neil Gaiman's Sandman
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tim
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Really getting into it |
Location: UK, West of London in Ber...
Registered: February 2002
Messages: 842
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It expresses everything so well
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Lenny,
It's so easy to become comfortable with Tim, his messageboard is (to me) like sitting in a big comfy overstuffed chair with all my friends. It is a good feeling and it makes me feel good inside, way deep down where sometimes it hurts the most. We, all of us here are a family, spread out over the fabric of this little ball we call home, granted, but a family nonetheless and when one of us hurt we all feel it.
I know what it is to be stuck in ones own self imposed prison. Once not too long ago, Tim nudged me to take a very difficult step and caused me to break free of the restraints I lived with for all so many years. My life changed and now I am happier than I have ever been. You know about taking little steps outside of your safe zone. You know that with each gain there is a reward allbeit mostly intangible but that good feeling of accomplishment is always still there and even if it is only noticible by you it feels great.
You have taken many small steps and have had many personal victories great and small and we all cheer for you every time you make another.
It is quite normal to feel a little down after a giant step (like going to Tim's B-day party). The calm after the storm so to speak. But don't let the ending of your great journey deminish the fact that you had it within yourself to go in the first place.I wanted to be there so badly I could taste it, but circumstances prevented my being there.
You have done well Lenny,
And you will do again,,,,,
Marc
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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smith
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On fire! |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 1095
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Lenny~
You have helped me with this very post. It was sad and you were trying to express the letdown you felt after all the joy and excitment of going to Tim's party. What it made me see was how much you wanted to go and how much you wanted people to know who you really are. I looked at all the pictures, read all the funny comments and saw how much fun you were having. You DID have a great time..........you WILL have other great times. I can promise you that. I think maybe what you're missing is that most of the fun of something new is in the preparation, in the anticipation...just the happiness of thinking about doing something new; being brave enough to do it. Look at all the pictures again and remember the laughs, the giggles......the soggy walks, the funny shops, Tim in all his glory. You had a good time, Lenny....and it took courage. It was one small step. You'll take another........and another, until you find that it is easier than you thought and you'll find what you want and where you belong.
You helped me because you TOOK a step. I can't, you see. Everytime someone takes a step away from safety and tells about it, I feel encouraged. You did something I wish I could. You stepped out and said, "Hey people, I'm Lenny." What you were expecting was a big change.When none came, you felt letdown, but the reality is that this letdown will nudge you to make another small step.........and we'll all be here in [as Marc so aptly put it] Tim's cozy comfy chair to cheer you on. A member of a family can't just walk away, can't just say they don't fit.
I am a misfit on this MB. I know that but I am only comfortable here. You belong here. Smile, Lenny. You aren't here only for yourself; you're here for me too.
{{hugs}}
smith
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warren c. e. austin
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Likes it here |
Location: Toronto, Ontario, CANADA
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 247
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Misfit. Hell; if anyone's the misfit here, it is I.
Never you smith, nor all of you.
I'm the intruder in a space that you all have come to call your "home".
I alone, do not daily face the issues that the majority here do, having been fortunate enough to be able to live pretty well as I have chosen to do so, regardless of those around me, and of the attendant consequences.
I linger here, occasionally commenting when I feel I can contribute something valid or insightful, but I can never feel much of the pain and anguish that I know deep down, many of you are feeling, but that is not to say I don't have pain or anguish, rather that those I do experience are not yours.
My only hope is that something of what I might say could bring a measure of solice and comfort when desireable.
Warren C. E. Austin
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There was this ENORMOUS down-pour of rain a few hours ago. The winds tore at the trees, each drop almost as big as a cherry it seemed. I've seldom seen its like, it was awesome in a way. Then it all died down, almost like when you turn off the shower, even the winds disappeared and it was like it never happened in the first place. Oh, there was a slight drizzle afterwards, but it was more like the way the shower head drops a little after you're done.
You'd think people would run cursing for their homes as fast as their legs could carry them when such a storm hits, and sure... Most do. But not all!
I saw a young bare-footed boy happily walk through that rain, enjoying it! He can't have been more than twelve I think, and he was drenched from head to toes, his dark hair and yellow T-shirt slicked to his slim, well-defined frame like a second skin as he hummed and giggled to himself, splashing along in the literally bubbling puddles that formed down there on ground level. I stood high above him on one of the external walkways lining the side of my apartement complex, watching and smiling. Wondering what he was thinking, where he was going... He was a very pretty boy, and seemed completely unconcerned with getting wet. Or maybe not, actually. He WANTED to get wet!
Summer vacation may be over for him, hell, summer itself may be coming to a slow but sure end over here who knows, but right now there's no school. It's saturday, and there's time for fun and play. So that's all that mattered to that boy as he splashed through the water that raged towards the storm-drains...
I try to be like that kid too. Try to. I need to learn that while trying doesn't neccessarily mean succeeding, it absolutely does not mean automatic failure either.
Here's some ponderings off the top of my head. I'd like to respond individually to ALL of you who have replied and thank you, but I'm still kind of messed-up I'm afraid so here's just a few excerpts. I'm very thankful that you've written in to reply though, and I think of you a lot...
Nick: like I believe I said in one of our chats (although perhaps not in THIS many words), meeting you in person and being able to sit down in that train car on the way home from Tim's place and have a simple and relaxed conversation face-to-face probably meant more to me than all the discussions I've had on this board put together. I don't mean to knock this place, far from it (I've said before how large a role this Place of Safety plays in the recent past of my life). But fact is, *nothing* beats human companionship, and you're a really good friend. Thank you.
Marc, smith: you are right when saying after a high comes a low. I know that, but I tend to take it too hard when it does come 'round. Things that were boring and annoying turn into insurmountable obstacles, probably because I let them to even though I don't want to. I need to learn how to avoid doing that... I don't know how yet, but I hope to find out. Kind words like what you've given me will help I again hope, and knowing you're there as well. Thank you.
Setras: getting to know you has been one of the most important things that has happened to me this spring/summer. Not just because we met in London earlier this month, but also because some of your experiences and feelings on certain subjects mirrors mine so closely, but for other reasons as well. For starters, it's been awesome that you've trusted me with your innermost thoughts of your existence, your summer job, your brother and rest of your family and all that. Awesome beyond words. And, it's been really rewarding to be able to entertain you with my writing as well of course, it's a great inspiration knowing it will be well received! I enjoy your friendship enormously. Thank you.
What I meant to say (also) with my small weather report up there at the top is that while the rain struck fast and hard, shaking and messing things up on one level, it also passed quickly, and in its passing cleaned up a lot of old junk that had collected down there. It gave sorely needed water to drink to parched trees and bushes and lawns, and entertained those young kids who were open-minded enough to find joy in something as simple and basic as a rainstorm...
I hope my spell of the blues will follow a similar pattern. I'm not sure yet, but I hope.
Thank you again, all of you.
-Lenny
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
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smith
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On fire! |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 1095
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"I saw a young bare-footed boy happily walk through that rain, enjoying it! He can't have been more than twelve I think, and he was drenched from head to toes, his dark hair and yellow T-shirt slicked to his slim, well-defined frame like a second skin as he hummed and giggled to himself, splashing along in the literally bubbling puddles that formed down there on ground level. I stood high above him on one of the external walkways lining the side of my apartement complex, watching and smiling. Wondering what he was thinking, where he was going... He was a very pretty boy, and seemed completely unconcerned with getting wet. Or maybe not, actually. He WANTED to get wet!
Summer vacation may be over for him, hell, summer itself may be coming to a slow but sure end over here who knows, but right now there's no school. It's saturday, and there's time for fun and play. So that's all that mattered to that boy as he splashed through the water that raged towards the storm-drains..."
********
My God,Lenny............as I read that, I WAS that kid. You can a paint a picture with your words. When you said that trying doesn't necessarily mean succeeding, but it doesn't mean failure either, look at what you CAN do !! Very few can draw an image in people's minds with their words. Talent, Lenny, is a gift. Your writing is your gift.
~just saying~
smith
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I wish I could write like that!
Mike
Friendship is the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts or measure words
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Ho-hum! Well, that was certainly some of the most worst-spent $11 of my life...! 
Like I told Tim the other day, I was gonna visit a gay club tonight, just to see what it was like, and see what kind of people I'd find there. Well, I did.
I took a shower, shaved, put up my hair, selected the outfit I thought would emphasise my physical assets the most, sprayed me with some eau de cologne, brushed my teeth (got on the bus, went down-town, etc etc)...
I didn't know EXACTLY where the place was, but it wasn't hard to find anyway. Paid entrance fee, went inside. Was astounded by how small the place was. The supposedly bar-and-two-dancefloors club was no bigger than about two and a half average school classrooms put together, divided into three rooms. Where the hell either dancefloor was I have no freakin' idea, I sure couldn't find them! (Not that I intended to engage in some booty-shakin' anyway but that's not the point! I wanted to see some other hot people go at it! )
Second thing I noticed was like EVERYBODY (almost) was smoking. Ggaaagghhh...! Disgusting! I'm REEKING of cigarette smoke right now, both my hair and my clothes. Hell, I should take another shower right now, but I'm too damn lazy. What is it with these places anyway, do they specifically attract people that smoke, or do they turn people that visit into smokers? Either way, I repeat: ggaaagghhh...!
Third thing I noticed was, amount of girls there. Easily 50%, and they were NOT transvestites...! Well, two were. LOL. How come no females act quite as 'female' as men dressed in women's clothing? LOL!!! (In their defense, they WERE pretty yummy though, if you can get past the fact one of them was like 190cm tall! Wonder if their boobs were real or fake...! HMMMM!)
Fourth thing... There were like ZERO singles there! Including me, I saw maybe four people I identified as such, all of them older than me and physically unappealing. Not that they were really UGLY or such, or fat... No. They just didn't appeal to me.
Did I see some gay guys then? Yes. Not that many really gay guys, but there were some that clearly stood out. Two fairly camp guys, one being the DJ, and he was young, dressed in a blouse that was unbuttoned at the neck showing white creamy skin (and a little too short as well showing creamy skin at that end too) and while not exactly super-cute-looking, all put altogether he was quite simply FREAKIN' HOT. He had slightly feminine looks (read: fairly weak jawline), complete with a killer smile, and while he didn't do the whole fem routine, his gestures and body languages were easily identifiable as GGAAAYYYY from like half a block away. Other dude was one of the guests, he was older (but still in his 20s I would say), and wearing jeans with a low cut, showing his underwear. That was nice in a way, but he wasn't even in the same league as the DJ. Unfortunately, they were both smokers! Ggaaagghhh...! 
Later, a fairly young guy came in dressed all in black. He had a length of black cloth tied around his head like a bandanna (think Karate Kid here; he even looked quite a bit like that Ralph Maccio sweetie, with his dark curly hair and boyish features), and straps of cloth around his arms just above the elbows too. A bit later he came back to the bar with his chest naked and oiled up, still wearing the bandanna and those straps around his elbows! Mmmm...! He didn't have a killer body for sure, he was a bit soft, not too much but a bit. It was offset however by his cute face, his slight tan and general youthfulness, and after sitting on the bar itself for a little while, he then got up on it and performed a dance to the techno beats they were playing. Really nice. I looked lots at him.
Even later, after the Karate Kid guy had sat down and was talking to some other guy, two other young guys came in company with another girl. One of the guys in particular was quite gorgeous, but I could never figure out if they were boyfriends, just friends, or one accompanying the other + girlfriend. Even though they danced a bit, one guy holding the other on the hips as the other rubbed his butt against his groin (for just a short bit), and both slapping each other on their rumps too, I couldn't read them. It could just be fun and games I guess. Well, it made for some distraction anyway.
I must say, if these two hotties ARE gay (bandanna guy HAD to be, it goes like without saying), I sure as hell envy all of them, I WISH I could have shown that level of confidence when I was their age. It was awesome to behold. I guess the lesson to learn here is, dare to take risks (even if it's 'only' amongst like-minded people). Don't wait. It's worth daring... Sure made me want to be eighteen again, dammit they'd all have to watch out then...!
Of course, I saw some other people too that caught my eye, but these are the most noteworthy ones. Of course, no-one spoke to me, nobody grabbed my butt etc. And I wasted money on entrance fee + softdrinks too, but I HAD TO TRY. At least once.
Anyway, I got reminded of why I don't go to bars in the first place. They're smoky, the music's too loud, and I always end up having nobody to talk to. Quite frankly it sucks, but I had to try!
I've done it now, don't think I'll do it again. Not alone anyway, but then I'd have to find someone to bring, and that was like the REASON I WENT THERE TO BEGIN WITH! That's what I call a genuine catch 22, LOL!/sigh...
-Lenny
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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ok this may sound slefish and silly but your "BLUE" post was at the very best possible time for me.
i work for a hotel and this week end was and always is our very busiest of the year, every year this week end we have a booked house and it makes me crazy trying to get everything ready. i was going totally nuts and sort of loosing my grip on what really is important when along comes your reality based post.
you may think that your post was just you venting and reaching out for help, but let me tell you lenny, it was more than that. it was the slap in the back of the head that i needed at that very second. i was getting all bitchy and moody with my staff trying to get EVERYTHING done the way i wanted them done the second i wanted it, your post sort of woke me up to realize thatthere are far bigger and more important things in life than the silly shit i was whining about to my staff. i was forced to take a huge step back and friday morning when i went into work i took my staff to a conferance room and bought them all coffee and danish and let them know that all they con do is there best and thats all i expect. i left them alone for the rest of the day and guess what happened......EVERYTHING was done and ready for the huge check in by 2 pm.
i guess that the point here, if there is one, is that you never know who is reading your posts and how that reading is going to effect the reader.
THANK YOU LENNY
from me and my staff
peace
tim...of USA
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Well where to start. First off, though I have not personally met you (or know what you look like). The only way I could be dissapointed would be if you give up. Or you think you have nothing. Take better stock. You have gifts that I envy. You have a talent for saying things I only wish I could aspire to.
I want more than anything to help you out of the blues. If I could do it alone, I would. But I need your help. and need to know how to give you mine. I am not clever enough to know how on my own. If you help me, I will try. And remember, you have a friend you have never met.
Kevin
"Be excellent to each other, and, party on dudes"!
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Good for you!!!! I to, HATE the smoke, I rarely go out lately and when I do I am just out to have a bit of fun and not be alone (please don't think that means I am out for a one night stand!). Just to say hi, maybe some conversation, and heck, it's better than reading legal breifs(did that the last two nights).
But i do remember the fist time. I was scared to death. sounds like your past that anyway. Good for you. Take pride in making a step in your life, even if it seems like a small thing. It's still forward progress.
Proud of you.
Kevin
"Be excellent to each other, and, party on dudes"!
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trevor
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Really getting into it |
Registered: November 2002
Messages: 732
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Sorry I've been offline so much lately and just now am reading this whole thread. For me, it's better that way - seeing all the caring, seeing you continue to interact and keep trying.
You've shared an awful lot of yourself with us. Thank you for that. The Lenny we know is certainly no fake. Thank you for your honesty - knowing you aren't Mr. Perfect makes you more real to me and I can relate so much better. Of course we all have our problems and personal issues, and sharing them is probably the most important part of this place.
You have done so much just in the last year, Lenny. You are still young and have so much life ahead. I'm always encouraged by your progress and know it will continue.
Also, I don't think that $11 was spent badly - I guess it's a half-full glass thing, maybe you were just expecting to get a full glass?
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I'm blue... 
Re: I'm blue... 
Hi Lenny! 
Re: I told this to Nick yesterday... 
I wish I'd said that 
