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I've posted a number of times here about my father, from whom I was estranged for many years, and who my brother and I finally went to Canada to visit last summer - the first time we'd seen him for 28 years..
I learned today (6th June) that my father died on 27th May. It is - alas - typical that it's taken this long to hear, through the roundabout route of his most recent ex-wife mentioning it in a long and abusive answerphone message left on my brothers phone while he was away on holiday for a fortnight ...
I feel rather numb about this at present - no doubt it will hit me in some way tomorrow. I'm supposed to be at work, as it's our big "Open Studios" weekend - perhaps it will be a useful distraction.
"The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. ... Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night devoid of stars." Martin Luther King
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Dear NW,
Please accept my sincerest condolences.
Your post brings forward memories of the feelings of double loss I had eight years ago, when my mother passed away. She was unable to maintain a true and loving relationship with anyone, and we mourned not only the loss of our mother but also the fact that we never really had one.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
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Dear NW,
I'm sorry that you are upset over your father's death. At least you did go to see him and if there had been a meeting of minds it could have healed the long breach. I'm sorry, too, about the way you found out.
When my father died I didn't have the feelings people are conventionally supposed to have. I didn't feel numb. I didn't even feel particularly sad. I was bothered by having to deal with my mother and brother.
A couple of months later my brother asked me didn't I miss him. But the truth is that I didn't.
Am I lucky to be so unfeeling or is it that I'm just unwilling to say the conventional things? I see death, not as a good ending or a bad ending but just as an ending.
Love,
Anthony
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JimB
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Likes it here |
Registered: December 2006
Messages: 349
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I remember when you were debating whether or not to go visit him and your report afterward about his frail condition and how he treated you during your visit. I have no doubt that today and many days in the future you will be grateful you made that trip to see him one last time.
I join the others in offering my condolences. Regardless of the good or bad nature of your relationship with him, you only had one father and he is now gone.
JimB
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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My friend, I hope the healing has started.
You went and saw him. He has died. I hope all that had to be said was sa9d while he was alive. If not, speak it aloud now.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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NW,
I'm sorry to hear that your father has died. I hope that you've been able to come to terms with it since your post. I'm thinking of you.
Hugs,
David
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