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Is it really better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all... ?
This question came to me while I was reading a book this weekend... The question is also thrown into conflict by my own personal theory that it is better to regret having done something, than to regret never been able to do it or not having done it...
Added to this, my own personal experiences have never left me much hope in "Lost Love" department. I have only ever loved once and lost it pretty much all at the same time. So in telling the truth, I would rather never have loved at all...
Walking around for 7 years without wanting to love is an all too painful reminder that my heart still belongs to only one person.
So I do realise that the question 'Better to have or Not to have?' is dependant on the person and their circumstances, along with whether they have really loved or not... I quite confusing for me...
A little while ago, a friend turned to ask me what the opposite of love is... My reply...
" Love just is. There is no opposite, there is no equivalent, there is not comparison. Love IS "
I care not to divulge the intensity of the situational mood. As in doing so I would only seek to obliterate the fragmented dreams that I considered life. To love will only offer falsified hope to my ever faltering lust for togetherness. For only in love can one truly fathom the depth of an emotion likewise or opposing to the idea of love. Thus when, and only when, the unequivocal comes to pass will we insinuate to others what our love really is.
What do you all think... ?
"And so the lion fell in love with the Lamb"
"What a stupid Lamb"
"What a sick, masochistic lion"
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What a difficult question, Tempo. I suspect that people who haven't had the feelings of being in love are missing something that is almost essential to be a whole person. I think I agree with you that it's better to have done something and maybe regret it than to have chickened out and had to wonder for the rest of one's life what one missed.
But, of course, that attitude has led me to do things of which I have been ashamed for most of my life and only have got over recently with the help and encouragement I've received here.
And I'm very sorry that you are still stuck loving someone who doesn't love you back. (I assume it's that and not that he is dead.)
And I'm not sure I agree with you about there being no opposite to love. The obsession with the person is the same but the emotion attached is negative.
Do you know Frost's poem:
Fire and Ice
Some say the world will end in fire
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those that favour fire,
But if it had to perish twice
I think I know enough of hate
To say that, for destruction, ice
Is also great
And would suffice.
But I don't think I've ever truly hated. I'm sure I've been in love of the head over heels sort. I've also been lucky enough to experience the growing love of a long relationship (now in our 47th year) and the love of children and grandchildren. I'm talking of my love of them.
And I think that what many of the stories on the web site are trying to do is capture the intensity of the emotion and that it is the difficulty of conveying that which makes writing a good story so hard (at least for me - whatever Timmy may say).
But insinuate what my love is! Oh no! When I was in love everyone knew. I couldn't hide it. No hints or insinuations were ever considered - they were quite superfluous.
And maybe it was that experience that kept me from forming any other satisfactory relationship for some years afterwards. I wonder about that.
Didn't stop me having sex, of course. Just made it hard to engage my emotions.
Love,
Anthony
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Macky
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Really getting into it |
Location: USA
Registered: November 2008
Messages: 973
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Seven years pining over a lost love? How lucky I am. Both times I lost, I was fit as a fiddle after a mere 2 years. I must admit, I was astonished that love could evaporate for me, given time. The experience of crawling out of love removed a lot of the mystical overly romantic side of love for me. Not that I can't love with my entire self now. In fact, I am completely in love. But past experience has taught me that, having lost, I can love again. If I had my life to live over again, I would not want to give up my lost loves. They have helped make me who I am. Maybe you just need to trust yourself. You are lovable and capable of loving. Let go of the past and reach out to the future. Hanging on to the dead past will not keep you from falling off the cliff. Let go, take a chance at falling, and find another more vibrant, loving, beloved support for your life and happiness.
BTW, the opposite of love is indifference. Love is a spectrum with total love on one side and total indifference on the other. YOu don't go all the way to total indifference with your lost loves. YOu do however become indifferent enough that you can love again. YOU have a beautiful memory of love. In a way, you love the lost loved one through your memory. But in the present, being somewhat more indifferent, you don't hurt.
Behold, how good and how pleasant it is
For brothers to dwell together in unity!
Ps 133:1 NASB
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ray2x
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Really getting into it |
Location: USA
Registered: April 2009
Messages: 430
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Tempo, even with my sort of wishy washy temperment, I tend to go with the "love and lost". I have within me a treasure of moments with my two long time boyfriends and assorted short term boyfriends. Each one I wanted to love. I had tough times for sure when the love halted. I feel though the better for having attempted love for these men.
Raymundo
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Tempo,
All I can say is that, having now reached the age of 25 without ever having loved or been loved (aside from the love of family and friends, which I value greatly), I feel that something is missing in my life. And that it has been for a few years now.
It's one of those things that you can only say is worthwhile, or not worthwhile, once you've tried it. And not trying it, unless you feel absolutely no desire to do so, is to miss out.
David
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