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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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In 1965 I met a bloke called Neil. To be fair he was known as Sid, and I'd actually been at school with him before anyway. So I really met him in 1958.
With me so far?
He was head of house at my mediocre and worse public school when I joined it.
We'd met online recently. I'd read his obit for another alumnus and it struck a chord with me. Since we was always a decent bloke we emailed and it worked. He's over in London this week form Perth, and he was very generous and bought me lunch. My turn next time.
He's written a book about his time at the school, and sent it to me, and I've shown him the almost edited first draft of mine. He has been very kind and written a foreword.
He knows a little of my issues since his brother had the courage to come out after a marriage that failed. Regrettably his brother died in the earlier days of AIDS.
We had a GREAT lunch. We never knew each other really at school, but we might as well have. We shared the same adversities and the same awful lack of education. He told me, too, that the English master used to jerk off in class!!!! I thought only boys did that! I did it in Latin a couple of times. And geography!
I last saw him in 1966. I remember that he was taller!
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Macky
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Really getting into it |
Location: USA
Registered: November 2008
Messages: 973
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A former classmate of mine who I haven't seen in 40 years called yesterday. He heads up the reunion. I asked my wife to take the call because I really couldn't bring myself to talk about school days. I just want to forget the whole experience. Your
Meeting an old classmate seems to have been such a positive experience. It's all in one's attitude I guess.
Behold, how good and how pleasant it is
For brothers to dwell together in unity!
Ps 133:1 NASB
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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My schooldays were not, themselves, a positive experience. But the kids who suffered those schools, THEY were the positive part.
But I met an individual, not a planned reunion. Those reunions I attend on my terms for my own amusement. I like people-watching, and, at a reunion, everyone tries to be as pretentious as possible, exuding success, often where none has happened.
The individual was 4 years my senior, and a decent boy, now a decent man. He has a wicked sense of humour, and I think I got more out of the meeting than he did. We traded horror stories! The English master who used to jerk off in class (I never noticed that, but he did) was a good example.
We both, I think, enjoyed acceptance. He was accepted by a kid over whom he had been given great power and authority. I was accepted as a gay man by that person who once wielded power over me. And we discussed the very weird hothouse environment that an all male boarding school is (though we both attended as day pupils).
He was another force, too, telling me that John, bless him, had almost certainly not even been aware of ANY other pupil, let alone a puppy dog who adored him. We concluded that John was self absorbed and self sufficient, having easy popularity and taking attention for granted. I could write an essay here, but I won't. It's stuff I knew anyway but had never admitted fully to myself.
Yesterday and today I am further through the grieving process because of this meeting. Not because of it alone, but because I have forced myself to face my demons for many years now.
I started out grieving for the loss of John. I am currently grieving for the idiocy of not realising that I was unimportant in his life, or I think I am. I have an emptiness where he used to be. I am currently keeping it empty because I want to fill it wisely.
But we don't always get what we plan, do we?
Facing demons is not for everyone, but, Macky, you asked me once how, I think, one can change. It was something like that at least. My answer is that I resolve to face the challenges that I had, and to see what was real. I am facing my demons down, one by one. For me it works. I commend your experimenting with it to see if it might help you with yours, too.
[Updated on: Wed, 24 June 2009 22:04]
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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