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Walty
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Getting started |
Location: South Africa
Registered: June 2009
Messages: 5
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What you say is true, but if it was locked away for many years .... a result I do not trust many people.
Treat others as you want to be treated.
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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Everyone is different, Johan. My past experience of being told that I (and others) have helped kids who have been abused and the adults that they become, is that the choice of a caring stranger can help a lot.
Not every stranger is any good. One may have to kiss a lot of frogs until one finds a suitable stranger to talk to. That is one of the functions of this forum. Which makes me the more glad that you have broken the ice and spoken out loud.
Something tells me that you are close to wanting to talk about the past, just to be able to process it and file it under "yes, that is finally over now", but no-one is going to bully you into talking, not embarrass you. And, if you choose someone well, you may not ever choose to post anything in public about what took place.
Sharing a lousy or horrifying experience is difficult. It does help, but it hurts while it is helping. The process will be emotional. At the start it may feel destructive, but, if your chosen stranger helps you to go at your own pace you will see that you and you alone are in control, and can speed up, slow down or stop altogether at any time.
Trust is an awkward thing. One excellent way to start is to make sure that, whoever you start to talk to, you do not reveal who you are at all. There is nothing wrong with choosing a name, an age, a sex even, that is totally not your own in order to be unrecognisable to others near you. I advise you to conceal every personal detail and only reveal things once someone has earned your trust. That may take several years, but that;s Ok. This is not a race.
Only you can decide if you are ready to do any of this.
Oh, before I forget, use the REPLY link in a post to reply to the person you are talking to. "New post" is for new posts. The replies get "threaded" in the forum so it's reasonably easy to see who is speaking to whom and about what.
You are welcome here whether you decide to open up a little or just chat on a very non personal level. If some of us can help, so much the better. There are people here who have been abused. They will probably identify themselves to you if they wish.
[Updated on: Mon, 29 June 2009 19:59]
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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This part of Johan's thread may be the more important, though it is the harder. It's easy to remind ourselves that Lost and Found is fiction, and it is hard to read past a passage that makes one afraid. I have similar problems with things like "Schindler's List". Things come too close to home. We just cannot cope with them well.
What I am hoping is that folks have perhaps held out a hand of friendship to Johan behind the scenes, or that he has approached someone and been able to start a dialogue with one, maybe more, of us.
Many things trigger our ability to start to process the crap that was inflicted on us during our formative years. I hope very much, Johan, that you will be able to start to demolish the issues that have caused you such emotional distress.
Why "in vanity"?
Because I am vain enough to believe that this forum helps those people that the rest of the site delivers here.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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