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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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i have not been around here long but i would like to say a few things about this place and the souls that fill its pages.
first off i little bit about me: my name is tim and i live in the USA on the shores of one of the great lakes, lake eire to narrow it down a bit. unlike a lot of you i am gay always have been gay and most likely will die gay, i have though lived the "secret" life for periods of my life. i was in the U.S.M.C. for 6 years and reached the rank of sarget...i was a total closet case in those years. after the corps i was a beach bum in vergina beach vergina..and yes i have hussled the beach and have turned tricks for money. at one point i meet a man who sort of kicked me in the ass and told me to do something with my life...a week later i found out that he had killed himself the night after i had meet him. ok so i drifted around for the rest of that summer and some how i ended up in college (dont ask me how cause i dont remember). in college i was the oldest guy in the dorm i was 25 and all the other freshmen were like 17 18, which was a good thing and a bad thing...i like younger guys...hehehe. ok back to the point, spent 5 years in college and finally got my degree in enviromental science with a minor in forestry, i wanted to be a foret ranger. i got a job working for a privet forest company and hated it every second i was there. the only good thing that i can say came out of that job is that i meet a guy name errol (skip). we meet had coffee and to make a long story short we ended up together for the next 5 years, until black thursday. this one thursday skip comes home and announces that he will be leaving on saturday and the moving company will be in on friday to pack his belongings. i was destoryed. he left and i spent the next 6 months sitting around wondering all the "would haves" and could haves". at my lowest point my shrink suggested for my to get a computer and 'go explore the world' via the internet seeing as other than work i would not go anywhere or do anything. after putting it off for like 6 months i finally got one. in the years from the day that i first signed on line i have been surfing and searching the web looking for some place where i feel like i fit in.
one day while searching a google string i found a story "The Misfit" by a guy named IOMFATS, well i cryed my heart out for like 2 days after reading that story and felt compeled to write the author and tell him how powerfull that story was in my life. the story i wont tell you about your going to have to read it for your self, but it brough flooding back to me a very long ago deeply surpressed memory of a young boy that i loved with all my heart and soul....matt. well to my surprize the author actually wrote back to me and we started chatting. tim suggested that i check out his web site and this 'little ' message board that he runs, i did and here i am.
i lurked for a day or 2 reading every post that i could and was totally shocked to find people like me , real people, honest people, caring people, LOVING people. i come here like 3 or 4 times a day to see what is going on and to be with my "friends" oh hell to be with my "family". a family of real people who are as screwed up as i am and as well adjusted as i am also. i come here to find peace, to find joy, to find my self.
you all touched me in ways i cannot begin to describe or put words to and you all have your own place in my heart.
LENNY...your trip to london was the best trip i have ever been on....and your troubles are so very important to me. not that i want you to have bad days but i need to know about them so i may help you and i may grow as a person.
SMITH...your wisdom makes me jelious.. your honesty and love that comes from your posts have made me step back many days and grin at how stupid i can be worring about little stuff in my life.
E...your 'Thoughts' are deeper than the oceans and clearer than waterford crystal....you have given me more to think about than i some times care to but for that i thnk you.
Warren C.E.Austin....new to the board....well maybe but it seeems that you are another soul that has found his way home....your thoughts and words aloso get me to thinking, sometimes i hate you for that but in a loving way.
ASHDAW....yet another point of view...i sometimes forget that the female point of view is one that is one i NEED to hear, there are no women in my life and i need to keep my brian and heart open to what you have to say.
JEN...i love your posts....short to the point andright on target, what it would take me days to say you get out in like 15 words or less.
CHARLIE...what else can i say but thank you....you have no idea why but i feel i owe you the biggest HUG of em all....just keep being the man who you are.
DAN....the man with feet that never seem to hit the ground...your on the run so much and moving like there is no tommorow, which makes me glad at times that i have such a boring life.
TREVOR...you my friend and i are cut from the same cloth...its funny how i seem to be able to know what your posts are going to say befor i even click on em.
MIHANGLE....not to be forgotten...you dont post as much as some others but i really do look forword to your posts... some posts make me think well yours make me feel.
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST...TIM...ALL I HAVE TO SAY IS THANKS
and to you that lurk in the back round...JUMP in and join the family.
this is my place of safty and sort of my place of sanity, i love being able to come here and just be me. and you all are what make it safe here, safe to be me and safe to express my self...BIG HUGS TO ALL
later
peace
tim...of USA
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Hi Tim!
You know... There's always a tale behind every human life, and reading just a little bit of yours made me realize that all over again (though I hadn't REALLY forgotten it to begin with, but you understand what I mean I hope!).
One could say, it is our curse that we cannot look into another human mind and see what's going on in there, all the deception, all the lies - big and small - that we can hide from those around us. But also, and probably more importantly, all the love and affection we dare not express out of fear of rejection or revulsion.
If we could look into each other's minds, it is my personal opinion that we would not be quite as judgemental anymore, so quick to condemn or hurt each other...
This board fills much of that purpose, but with the catch that the process is essentially one-way. We reveal only as much of ourselves as we want to and feel comfortable with. That's in a way even more preferable than just having a set of huge windows straight into our soul allowing anyone to look in at their leisure.
...But then again, if we all had those windows, we'd probably not find it a very big deal anyway, just like we do not hide our faces, we would have no reason to hide our souls. It would make us grow as individuals, AND as a species. It would bind us together. But we do not have this ability, so we have to make do with Places of Safety such as this one...
Take care, friend!
-Lenny
PS: By the way... Nice to know something really good came out of that rant of mine! Thank you too Tim, for sharing that with me. It gives my post a purpose, a reason to exist.
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
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e
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On fire! |
Location: currently So Cal
Registered: May 2002
Messages: 1179
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This is a wonderful place and not just because of the reasons you state. It is persons like yourself who come here and bare their souls that make this place work. I've never been very good at opening up and exposing myself like that. But I learn a little from you and everyone else when you do. It's what makes me want to contribute and give back.
In some ways I think all of us are "misfits" around here. We've all had our demons to wrestle with. Sometimes we beat them back and other times they seems to get the better of us, but it seems that the struggle is easier when I know I'm not the only one who has had to struggle with some of these demons.
There have been suggestions that some of us may not be who we say we are, but it really doesn't matter. Even those who may be pretending are making valuable contributions. Not one person here expresses any malice, all offer help and support. We care for each other, even if we are hiding behind a persona that has been created. And to one degree or another, each one of us is hiding behind a persona. None of us has given the group their full name, address, phone, etc. There's too much danger in that. So we create an identity and some are a littel more creative than others. That still makes this a safe place, a good place, and a place where we can come together and share ourselves and our friendship. And everyone is welcome.
Think good thoughts,
e
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e
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On fire! |
Location: currently So Cal
Registered: May 2002
Messages: 1179
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I'm not so sure I would want that kind of access to the mind of another. I KNOW I wouldn't want anyone looking around in the cracks and crevices of my mind. Far too many skeletons buried there. No one would ever want to get near me who could look at some of what I got stored away.
One thing I've learned about you though, is that EVERY time you speak up, whether it is a rant, a rave, a joke, or just a wink, something good comes out of it.
Think good thoughts,
e
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Don't be so sure of that, friend!
How about a guy with plenty of skeletons of his own (many of which still twitch every now and then with an unholy life I might add), and thus isn't very bloody likely to be scared by anything, and absolutely not repelled, would that still make you uncertain?
Most things benefit from light and fresh air, not just potted plants, but people too and the minds that come attached to them. Those skeletons usually tend to crumble quicker into dust if we open up their hiding places to the sun's rays. Here, or in private.
But this is only a suggestion of course. Never do anything unless you feel completely comfortable with it. My email inbox is always open for business though, ready and waiting for you, and if you want to chat via MSN, just say so and we'll exchange contact information.
Hugs, and take care:
-Lenny
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
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I know how you feel. And i thanks you for being here as well.
Kevin
"Be excellent to each other, and, party on dudes"!
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You have succeeded in arousing my curiousity to new levels. I have read your post at least five times, wracking my brain each time, in an effort to have at least a glimmer of what you were referencing. If you care to enlighten me, or even not and just want to chat, click on my name, the addy is attached.
Hugs, Charlie
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Hello my friend! 
Oh Lenny! 
Oh, so you KNOW, do you? 
