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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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Security Alerts
The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist
threats in Islamabad and have raised their security level from "Miffed"
to "Peeved."
Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to
"Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." Brits have not been "A Bit Cross"
since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists
have been re-categorised from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The
last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was
during the great fire of 1666.
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror
alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France
are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent
fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing
the country's military capability.
It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert. Italy
has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to
"Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective
Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."
The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful
Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have
two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only
threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to
deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new
Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes, on all of
their allies, just in case.
New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to
"BAAAA!".
Due to continuing defence cutbacks (the airforce being a squadron of
spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some toy boats in
the Prime Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more level of
escalation, which is "Shit, I hope Australia will come end rescue us".
In the event of invasion, New Zealanders will be asked to gather
together in a strategic defensive position called "Bondi".
Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries"
to "She'll be right, mate". Three more escalation levels remain:
"Crikey!'
"I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend"
"The barbie is cancelled".
There has not been a situation yet that has warranted the use of the
final escalation level.
So, the point? Well, obviously these are all very funny, but there is some merit to the interpretation they put in each nation. And I wanted to use it to show the different reactions that we in the UK and my friends in the USA have to terrorism.
Do not think for a moment that I belittle the horror of the attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon. The victims suffered badly and their friends and relations suffered in turn. And We Brits feel deeply for the victims of any terrorist attack and those who were close to the victims.
But I often have to explain to my US friends when they visit that we have also been the target of terrorism, and that it has gone back a long way. My first job in 1975 was in the height of the IRA bombing campaigns, and in government buildings where we sat behind special curtains alleged to contain window glass. We have had massive bombs explode here wreaking havoc, mayhem and death. And I try to explain our underlying reaction to terror attacks.
We "go down the pub" and have a pint or two. We treat the terrorists as an aggravation that inconveniences our day. And we resolve that the nasty little bastards will never stop us living our lives in the normal way. We tale a few extra precautions, of course we do, but our attitude is that they can all fuck off and die.
We, too, would have been aghast at a couple or more aircraft crashing into buildings. And we would then have gone down the pub.
Why?
Because the moment you show weakness then the bastards have won.
And this is a thing that a nation like the USA needs to understand.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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kiwi
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Likes it here |
Location: New Zealand
Registered: August 2009
Messages: 317
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Couldn't agree more, timmy. The one time i went to England, i was in a crowded market, in Greenwich, when there was a huge explosion - turned out, a bomb went off over the other side of the Thames. The whole place just froze, nobody moved until some guy said, "Bloody IRA" and everyone laughed,relaxed and carried on with what they were doing.
I was impressed with the phlegmatic British attitude, and that's the only way to deal with it.
cheers
Commas matter - 'Party on Dudes' is not the same as 'Party on, Dudes'
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ray2x
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Really getting into it |
Location: USA
Registered: April 2009
Messages: 430
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I agree as well, Timmy. USA is paranoid and ugly at this time. Not all of USA is like this though. I think I'll have my daughter become a historian and study this moment. I wish I could be alive for her dissertation.
Raymundo
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