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The other day i had an interesting experience.
I was sitting in my college math class, taking lecture notes when the boy behind me started talking to me. Normally i take notes on my computer (so does he) because it makes it easier to write things down faster. He noticed i was also surfing the net. He asked if i had Instant Messenger. I hesitated for a while because at the time, it just seemed like a weird question to ask. After i thought about it, i decided to exchange screen names with him and we started talking through IM.
I was a little excited, i admit. See, he is gorgeous in my eyes. Tall, skinny body, long straight hair he likes to play with, pale skin, and best of a all, a nerd. His face is perfect. Can't forget his smile, too. He is always talking to the people around him and he seems very friendly. I occasionally turn around so that i can see him.
Anyways, after a while of talking through IM, he asked if i was on Facebook (networking site) because he couldn't find me on it. This is when i knew i had to break the news. I'm not in the closet so in my profile i talk/post about my life style very openly. Despite everything, i was afraid to tell him i was gay. Mainly because i didn't want him not talking to me. However, i knew i had to mention something because he kept on insisting. I waited a little longer until finally i told him.
"Hey listen, if you want to add me, you will have to be comfortable with gay people because that is all you will see in my profile".
I felt my heart beating a little fast just before i hit sent. But there was no turning back now. I hit sent and waited for a reply.
He said. "Wait, are you saying you are gay?".
I replied. "Yes i am. I understand some people might not be comfortable with it, so i won't add you if you don't like".
There was a short pause and something amazing happened. He said that the fact i was gay was so awesome. He was one of the most open minded person i would ever meet and that for the record, he was straight. I always wondered why do straight guys feel the need to throw that out in the open. Is not like i'm going to molest him (secretly i do hahah). He continued asking me questions and he had no idea i was gay, but was cool about it.
I wish he was at least curious. At least, now he knows about me. Something like this has never happened to me before. I've told people, but never experienced a reaction like his. I was surprised i actually felt scared to him. I elt good after i did though. I can't wait to see him in class.
You don't love someone because they are beautiful, they are beautiful because you love them.
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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Isn't it strange what happens when you come out to someone new. 
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Macky
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Really getting into it |
Location: USA
Registered: November 2008
Messages: 973
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Delightful post M! Even if he is straight, he can become a really good friend when you are so open to him about yourself. Maybe he's looking for someone good at math for a study partner. I liked your posting about when you asked the Emo boy to kiss you in school a few months back. Something about that struck me as being very nice. Something about this post hits me in a similar way. Hey, even if nothing comes of it, you can be proud of how you handled his requests. You are a cool kid.
Behold, how good and how pleasant it is
For brothers to dwell together in unity!
Ps 133:1 NASB
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ray2x
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Really getting into it |
Location: USA
Registered: April 2009
Messages: 430
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M, I am old fashion so when you said you took notes with your laptop computer, I just shook my head and realized how much time has past me. I was a pencil and paper note taker.
As far as telling people that I am gay, I've always had trouble with that. But I guess once the words are spoken, I've felt good. I haven't had that experience in a while though. I had some memories about how early I had gay feelings and it really shocked me that I was experiencing gay tendencies at eight years old but I never felt gay. Thus, I had to tell myself that I was indeed gay and had been since probably eight years old. It was late in the doing but at least I made myself tell myself that I am gay. Other people know that I am gay because I told them. If I need to tell people, now I can say it with some conviction.
Raymundo
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Pity he is straight! But I suppose that on average you will have to tell five or six people before the odds turn in favour of finding someone gay.
But it's a really good feeling when the news is accepted as easily as that. The last person I told I am gay (as news to her, of course) accepted it easily but a bit reluctantly, I think because she was hoping for an even closer relationship. I was hugely flattered. I guess your classmate was flattered too - that you trusted him. I hope so.
Love,
Anthony
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I took a chance yesterday and asked a guy I like out on a date without knowing for sure he was gay. I was pretty sure it would be okay to ask, since we've known each other casually for a few years and enjoy talking to each other, he's clearly open-minded, and even has some stereotypical mannerisms. We had never discussed sexuality, though. I hemmed and hawed, self-deprecated by saying that I was about to make a fool of myself, and then felt a bit shaky when I asked whether I could take him to dinner and maybe a movie sometime. That feeling didn't last long, though: he said yes!
I haven't felt too uneasy about telling friends when it seemed appropriate, but this is the first time I've told someone when my heart and his response were intertwined. Sure am glad that I spoke up!
Brit
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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Way to go!
This raises a a major point. How does one make it clear that one is inviting the other guy for a date, rather than going out for a bite to eat and watching a movie as blokes do?
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Well done, brit. Rewards go to the brave. I wish you the very best of luck.
Love,
Anthony
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Macky
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Really getting into it |
Location: USA
Registered: November 2008
Messages: 973
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You go Gurrrl! ;-D
Behold, how good and how pleasant it is
For brothers to dwell together in unity!
Ps 133:1 NASB
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Well, not sure how you Brits would handle it, but here in the states if you invite a guy out for dinner and a movie, you'd have to word it VERY carefully to NOT have it mean what I intended!
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Macky
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Really getting into it |
Location: USA
Registered: November 2008
Messages: 973
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Very few people know that I am gay. My first crush, Albert, knows. I told a lady friend once, and I think she may have outed me to some mutual friends, who I haven't associated with for years. I haven't associated with these people in decades, because I've really had very little time or interest in renewing these friendships. So my wife is the only person that I associate with that knows. This board doesn't count, because I don't know anyone here on a face to face basis. So I was thinking who would I tell other than my wife and why would I tell them. The thing is that I could never see the point of telling my wife before I told her, because I did not have any idea of the positive difference it would make in our relationship. So, if I were to tell someone else, it would be a lifelong friend who I have seen very occasionally over the years. But insofar as I can see, there is no reason to tell him. We began our friendship when I was 22 and he was 12. Now I'm 58 and he's 48. In the past we've traveled together and had similar interests in literature and music. We exchange emails occasionally, and he is to be married in a couple of months, for the first time. I expect I'll be invited to the wedding with my family. I can't for the life of me find a single reason to tell him, yet, this thread has gotten me thinking about it. So what do you guys think? Why would anyone here want to tell a friend like this that he has had deep feelings for men, and if so, what would be the reason for telling?
Behold, how good and how pleasant it is
For brothers to dwell together in unity!
Ps 133:1 NASB
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The reason for telling, Macky, is easy. Afterwards you don't have to watch your tongue, he may understand you better and you can get closer to him.
I think the essence of it is that when a friend doesn't know and you feel you have a (guilty?) secret from him there is a small barrier between you that gets in the way of the free admission of ideas and emotions that constitutes intimacy.
And, of course if you don't want to be intimate that may be a reason for not telling! (And I'm not talking of sexual intimacy here.)
I expect there are lots of people in your life that you don't particularly want to bet that sort of intimate with. There certainly are in mine. And there are also people who I think suspect that I am gay and politely give off signals that they don't want to know me better - and that (I think) is genuine homophobia - they avoid getting to know me because they wouldn't know how to behave. A lot of people haven't thought about it and, for example, don't realise that most gay people are not promiscuous and so on.
Love,
Anthony
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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You tell people because you want and choose to tell them. Some people you tell to educate, others to share something of yourself with, still others to stop concealing things that they do not conceal.
Should you tell this guy?
I have no idea. Will it improve, harm or leave your relationship where it is?
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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