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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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In that limited experience, which is all inside my head, my ideal sexual congress with another chap always includes penetrative anal sex. Always. In my limited imagination there is an orgasm available by other acts, but full contentment involves what I consider to be the ultimate gift.
And I mean that as a gift whether one pitches or catches.
But I know that a very great many gay men have no interest at all in anal sex in either role.
Is anyone able to help me to understand why that is?
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Macky
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Really getting into it |
Location: USA
Registered: November 2008
Messages: 973
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As a young man, I always thought anal sex was gross. It smacked of sex with a woman to me, and I did not find that an attractive prospect.
As I neared my 30s, a partner asked me to top. He was hot and I couldn't resist, so I discovered that anal active was quite pleasurable.
In my mid 30s I bottomed for an inexperienced person and I found it very painful...to the extent that I could not top for a guy I loved, because I felt that I would be hurting him.
Recently though, because of your comments, Timmy, in particular, I achieved prostate fired orgasm with the help of my wife. Alls I can say is "OH MY GOD!!!"
I never imagined that an orgasm could be so good. I hyperventilated. My wife thought I was having a heart attack. Hands down, it was the best orgasm of my life. Even as an adolescent hopped up on hormones, I never felt such a long, strong, extremely superb feeling. And I've managed to have 2 more since.
I asked a bottom guy if anal passive fired his prostate. He said that's why he loves being a bottom. I can fully understand that now. If I were not committed to my wife, I'm sure that I would want to try bottoming. So if people put bottoms down, they are admitting that they are ignorant of the ultimate male sexual pleasure.
And about this site, like you asked in your somewhat "depressed" post. Since I've been here...a little over a year...I've come out to my wife and we have rebuilt our relationship. Did this site help me to do that? Unequivocally; yes! One person I met here in particular emailed daily and encouraged me every step of the way. I had no faith in my ability to do it, but he did. Several blessings upon his head.
You don't have to do all the "good" yourself Timmy. Your group of "Old Queens" is wonderful. You probably do not see enough of how people help each other around here off line. I don't think you see it all. Not to push spirituality, but ya gotta have some faith in the site and the good that it accomplishes.
You might recall that when I came here, I had not had sex with my wife for over 14 years. Now I look back and wonder 'what the fuck was wrong with me'. We have a wonderful sex life. Now that makes me think that you are doing some good here. Sorry I ain't young....but I am appreciative. I like the site. I like the people here...even Brody kinda sorta.
But, in that other post, you are asking us a question that is legitimately yours to answer. If this forum is more of a burden than a boon to you personally, you should end it. You seem to have a burning desire to make a difference, especially in gay youth. If you could do that better by torching this site, I think you should.
I know that relationships have formed here over the years. Perhaps you feel compelled to keep the site running for that reason. But folks could still keep in touch by other means.
I like this forum. But I do not want someone to feel compelled to keep this thing up and running just because I like it. I'm afraid that you have to make the final decision.
Macky
Behold, how good and how pleasant it is
For brothers to dwell together in unity!
Ps 133:1 NASB
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What a beautiful post, Macky - thanks for sharing that with us.
"The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. ... Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night devoid of stars." Martin Luther King
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Macky
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Really getting into it |
Location: USA
Registered: November 2008
Messages: 973
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Thanks NW,
I'm such a whore for ego strokes!
Macky
Behold, how good and how pleasant it is
For brothers to dwell together in unity!
Ps 133:1 NASB
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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That is an answer beyond my wildest dreams, thank you. I appreciate both parts, the emotional part and the considered part.
And that tells me that the forum must stay open.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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Macky wrote:
> As a young man, I always thought anal sex was gross. It smacked of sex with a woman to me, and I did not find that an attractive prospect.
I'm curious about this, simply because it is outside my thought experiences. I can see how it might appear to mirror sex with a woman, yet it is wholly distinct, too. Do you remember your thought priocesses well enough to elaborate?
> In my mid 30s I bottomed for an inexperienced person and I found it very painful...to the extent that I could not top for a guy I loved, because I felt that I would be hurting him.
That strikes, or should strike, a chord with everyone who aspires to be a good lover. I have a form belief that, even if one is exclusively a top, in order to be a good top one needs to have experienced being a good bottom. But how does one learn to be a considerate and good top?
I put http://iomfats.org/resources/analsex/ some time ago hoping it would be of use. Have you had the chance to read it yet? Would it have helped your inexperienced thinking?
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Timmy, you wrote:
Would it have helped your inexperienced thinking?
And the answer is "Yes!"
But there is so much to say about my own experiences that I hesitate. I think I would get boring (Sorry!).
I like Dr Johnson's definition of 'bugger' which I believe was 'term of endearment among sailors'.
I'm sorry to say I never buggered or was buggered by a sailor. I was in the Royal Navy for two years, though!
Love,
Anthony
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Macky
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Really getting into it |
Location: USA
Registered: November 2008
Messages: 973
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> As a young man, I always thought anal sex was gross. It smacked of sex with a woman to me, and I did not find that an attractive prospect.
I'm curious about this, simply because it is outside my thought experiences. I can see how it might appear to mirror sex with a woman, yet it is wholly distinct, too. Do you remember your thought priocesses well enough to elaborate?
..............................
I had a general distrust of people who would do anal. They really seemed like mixed up heterosexuals to me.
.................................
> In my mid 30s I bottomed for an inexperienced person and I found it very painful...to the extent that I could not top for a guy I loved, because I felt that I would be hurting him.
That strikes, or should strike, a chord with everyone who aspires to be a good lover. I have a form belief that, even if one is exclusively a top, in order to be a good top one needs to have experienced being a good bottom. But how does one learn to be a considerate and good top?
.................................
One learns to be a considerate and good top at the same time one falls in love with his bottom. Other than that,well, if you can get your hand on his balls as he thrusts, he'll more-n-likely be a good top.
..................................
I put http://iomfats.org/resources/analsex/ some time ago hoping it would be of use. Have you had the chance to read it yet? Would it have helped your inexperienced thinking?
..................................
Thanks for the link, I just read it this evening. Thinking back, I'm pretty sure it would not have helped my inexperienced thinking. That falls
under the 'he'll just have to learn from experience' category. I was sorta incorrigible. The writeup was great though. The writer's affection for his intended audience was palpable.
Behold, how good and how pleasant it is
For brothers to dwell together in unity!
Ps 133:1 NASB
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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The thing I like is the word "love" that appears often on your posts on this topic. I like that best of all.
May I press you to elaborate more on your early distaste for anal sex and the folk who took part in it? It may help others wondering about it. So far I think you are getting ready to open the box containing the deeper thoughts, but haven't quite got hold of the lid. There's something there I may be making too much of, but it doesn't quite reach out to me yet.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Timmy,
The only time i have ever truly enjoyed being a bottom was with my long time boyfriend. We got to a point were we both knew exactly how to please each other. This of course, was achieved by trial and error, and communication before, during, and after the act.
In the beginning i would mostly be the top. I did try to bottom for him. However, i just couldn't get the same pleasure he would get. It was frustrating. As our bond and relationship grew over time, we tried it again. This time, i wanted to give more of myself to him. Boy did things change after that. I found out orgasms were better. He was happy. I was happy. The feeling was like no other. I loved making him happy.
I have bottomed for other guys. I must say, it is not the same as it was with my boyfriend. Some didn't hit the right spot while others didn't know what the hell they were doing and just wanted to get off. The experience always ended being mediocre.
In short. When love is present, i think both partners should and/or want to please each other. Even though i didn't like to bottom, my desire to please my partner changed things.
My two cents.
You don't love someone because they are beautiful, they are beautiful because you love them.
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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I think that makes a great dal of sense. getting off is getting off. But making love is making love.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Macky
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Really getting into it |
Location: USA
Registered: November 2008
Messages: 973
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"May I press you to elaborate more on your early distaste for anal sex and the folk who took part in it? It may help others wondering about it."
It's really difficult to pin it down, Timmy. Your constant drilling down into this reminds me of Bill Bachrach's values based selling technique, where one searches out core values by delving deeper and deeper into successive answers.
But it gets confusing to go into it much more and I can't be sure that I've pinned down the cause and effect exactly. So shakily, here's a little cause and effect thingy for how I currently think my teen mind may have functioned. Unfortunately, it is very particular to my values and therefore I don't know how applicable it might be to someone else.
1. Anal sex was like sex with women.
2. I didn't desire women sexually, so neither did I desire a sex act that was like one does with women. This bred a natural distrust of guys who might do anal.
3. I didn't desire women sexually because women were 'holy'. (There may be something generic here, because I find that a lot of gay men, have a certain reverence for women. In my days the gay guys raved about Judy Garland, Lisa Minelli and Diana Ross. I think gay guys are drawn to female heroes. But we idolize them and do not desire them sexually.)
4. Women were 'holy' because I was brought up in a Roman Catholic rubric which conferred 'god' status on the mother of god. Nuns actually taught me 'why pray to god, because if you can get his mother on your side, you have a better chance of being heard'.
So anal sex was like sex with a woman, and that was distasteful because it was like sex with god, and I couldn't hold the mystery of god and the worldliness of sex in my head at the same time. It's just a guess.
I wonder if any of this would make sense to Brody, or if he chucked the Roman Catholic church early and failed to swallow the spiel hook line and sinker.
Macky
Behold, how good and how pleasant it is
For brothers to dwell together in unity!
Ps 133:1 NASB
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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You know, that works. I don't profess to understand what you were feeling, but I understand where you are coming from.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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