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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13801
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Do you go to Facebook and ask "Any other gay people here can tell me how to make love to my boyfriend so he has a great time?"
I'm going to bet not.
Do you ask in a chat room?
I'm going to bet not, though probably better than Facebook.
So where do you go?
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Personally, I go to http://www.outeverywhere.com - I've been a member for several years (although the site is usable, if rather frustrating, without paying for a membership).The forums are excellent and lively - and I'd certainly get a variety of views. In the UK, there are also user-organised events - meetings for coffee, visit to the Zoo on GayDay and suchlike. It's quite explicitly NOT a site about fixing up casual shags, but about making gay friends.
However, as with any larger group, there is a fair sprinkling of dickheads, and I probably wouldn't talk about some of the more extremely emotionally charged stuff I've talked about on here: some things are best done in a very supportive environment.
Each has its place in my life.
"The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. ... Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night devoid of stars." Martin Luther King
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Dear Timmy,
when I was unattached and of an age to have a boyfriend I never found love and the sex was wonderful and I played it by ear (as it were) and I could do that because I knew what it felt like when it was done to me and I assumed everyone would feel like me.
Of course they didn't and that caused me some misgivings. But in those days there was nowhere to go for help or advice. So what we couldn't divine from the reactions we got from our partners was a closed book.
I have never understood why anyone should like to give pain or even worse enjoy being hurt. I wonder why I think that is worse? I do; I'm sure of that!
The world would be a better place, I think, if gay people grew up in a climate where hurting others or being hurt are unacceptable.
But I suspect there are a lot of sado-masochists about and it will not be easy to quench the supply.
Love,
Anthony
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13801
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I think anyone can fuck and suck, though. It is sort of instinctive.
But what about vital things like:- lube
- condoms
- STIs
- hygiene
- so much more
And what about love
What about making love?
Frankly I have always had better sex with my own right hand than with any partner, but I can't make love to myself at all. And the best sex includes a huge emotional transfer of energy. Where do kids go to learn about that?
Being heterosexual is not about notches on your gun, and nor is being homosexual. Each is all encompassing. Any mouth through a glory hole can deliver an orgasm, but what delivers emotion?
Do today's kids realise that they are entitled to love, or do they think all they deserve is a suck or a fuck or a fumble?
Those are the gayness questions I have in mind, those and so many more...
[Updated on: Tue, 01 December 2009 00:25]
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Timmy you ask:
But what about vital things like:
* lube
* condoms
* STIs
* hygiene
* so much more
And what about love?
I don't know when I discovered KY; probably not until I was 20 or 21. Condoms came early, I should think when I was seventeen, at first just to satisfy curiosity and for experimenting and then, because they stopped precum from drying up and made masturbation much more enjoyable they became a habit.
STIs were looked up in the library after the navy tried to frighten its recruits off sex forever with the horrific 'educational' films they showed us. In those days syphilis and gonorrhea were all one knew about. I don't know when hepatitis became common enough to be a danger nor herpes. I'm fairly sure that must have happened well after my last homosexual encounter.
The sad thing is that I never found love that was reciprocated with another man. I did fall in love with one (who did not reciprocte but was kind and did his best to tolerate me and help me get over him) and although not in love was very close and friendly with another who I look back on with great fondness. Alas he is dead.
And over the last few years I've tried to get in touch with homosexual friends of my youth and have had problems. I started too late and didn't try hard enough and they are either lost or dead or don't want to talk to me. The latest is William Miller whose obituary was in the Guardian last week. I knew he'd gone to Japan but never found his address there.
Love,
Anthony
[Updated on: Tue, 01 December 2009 12:01] |
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13801
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so, pretend you are newly arrived and 15. Where would you find out about these things today?
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Timmy, I hope I'd be able to find iomfats, the shack out back, the mailcrew, codeys world and the other three or five dozen sites that offer both stories and good advice to young people that need it and know they need it.
I'd also be able to ask questions in the Yahoo answers site for LGTB - where nowadays I often give an answer or two and occasionally mention this site. (By the way nearly everyone on there is young by our standards.)
What I have got here is real people answering questions one-to-one from other real people.
Do you remember the guy at school with a crush on a friend who didn't dare approach him and who asked here and, as well as good advice, had an offer from people here to write to the crush and ask him how he stood on the gay-straight scale and to keep the shy guy completely immune from the exchange of correspondence until it became clear (if it ever did) that the putative approach would be welcome?
I was impressed!
If someone had done that for me or those people that liked me (without telling me at the time) my life would have been different. That is an amazing thing to say, I think.
'My life would have been different if ... ... ...'
All it would have taken is a friendly one to one intervention.
Love,
Anthony
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Some young people may come through here briefly but why stay? Look at the make up of the people that regularly post, most are over 50 and never (lived) in a single sex relationship.
Granted we have yet to reach the freedom to be whom we are or even any kind of parity, but with the net the way it is today it is easier than it ever has before to find what yo’re looking for.
People will tell you where they've gone
They'll tell you where to go
But till you get there yourself you never really know
Where some have found their paradise
Other's just come to harm
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