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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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I'd like us to take a step back. I'm gaining ideas for site improvement, yes, and I'm seeing a sense of community, too. But I'm not sure I like all that I am seeing.
I like very much the free exchange of views, even though the tone is not always what I would wish. And that is part of my request. That has, please, to improve.
We have a new member with strongly held views, some of which I think fit here and some don't. But I don't know him, despite contributing to his blog, and despite chatting to him. I know of him. I'm sure I can research his professional credentials, and I know as we all can know, his phone number. But he is not, so far, a full part of whatever I mean when I refer to 'our family' here.
I'd like him to be. I appreciate his ability to create discussions, though I do not by amy means always appreciate the tone created.
I know his inner demons, whatever they be, are not because he's gay. He's an out and proud gay man. But I know he has some because, simply, we all do. So I'm asking him to come to us again, to walk into the door in a different manner, leaving his street shoes on the mat and pulling on a pair of comfy slippers, lighting his metaphorical pipe, resting his feet on a handy labrador and telling us a little more about who he is and what makes him tick, what angers him, what makes him happy, what are his hopes and fears for his life as it is now, what they were when he was 12, 13, 14. Not in a huge detail and not in a prying way, but by way of an introduction
NW and Shem are, I think, the most out gay men we have met until we met Brody. One cannot be more out than out, of course! Deeej is out, as am I, and he and I have learned to be out in our different ways. Brody and NW have both been beaten up for being gay, a place I never wish to go to but recognise is possible. Acam is not in, but not really out, yet. Nigel cannot be out yet for personal reasons. And I've missed people off the list. I bet you're relieved!!
I have a lot to learn about being out. And styles of out are different. I am out in my personal life, on my blog, on Facebook, in my old school alumni magazine, and on LinkedIn.
I'm starting to ramble. Damn.
So, to cut to the chase, Brody, we won't all like you, there isn't a hope in hell of that, but we would like to know you better.
And to the folk already in our family, I count on you to make him as welcome as he wishes to be.
[Updated on: Wed, 02 December 2009 18:38]
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Hmm, Where does one separate profession from person when one is a typical overachieving type "A" alpha male who happens to be Gay?
I am out but I am not one of those in your face "out" Gay types contrary to whatever perceptions may have been formed owing to the discussion I just had with NW.
I am more cynical than the average person, hardened by years of covering stories that saddened me, angered me, or disgusted me. That affects me on a personal level as well as professionally by the way.
Macky wanted to know if I bought into the Roman Church's party line or did I bail early. I bailed early. VERY early which is what first created the rift in the relationship with my parents that later ended our familial ties completely. Now, I was never sexually abused by one of the good fathers although rumours abounded over one particularly nasty bit of work in a Roman Collar that spent "extra" time with the Altar boys. Go figure eh?
No, it was the sexuality and the "sin" issue along with what I perceived as blatant hypocrisy that drove me away and I never looked back. Suffice it to say, its been more than 30 years now, but the memory of those battles sticks with me even now.
Early years? Happy and dumb, I raised just outside of Toronto, Ontario. Parochial schools, all the way through.
By way of explanation, Da was born and raised on a farm near a flyspeck of a village in Quebec province north of Montreal. His family was huge and Catholic and very French-Canadian. We kids were told stories about their idea of Christmas gatherings that they'd end up putting on in the barns owing to the sheer numbers of relatives.
Mum was from Belfast, Northern Ireland. She was raised in a very tough working class neighborhood which was VERY Catholic and her Da worked in the Belfast Shipyards. Her Mum died when she was young and she was raised by an aunty who apparently would be a good candidate for tossing a bucket of water on for sport just to watch her melt.
Mum's escape was Britain to a place near Manchester. Mum worked in pub near a Royal Army training facility during the second war which is where Da met her. He was with a Canadian outfit stationed there.
Long courtship as she refused to get married to a soldier who was bloody well likely to be killed. You all can guess the rest. After the war they managed to make it official and my brother Edward, the eldest, was born. I am number 3 actually. All boys, no girls and 5 all together.
Mum hated Grandmere & Grandpere so much, that we got moved from Quebec to Ontario not long after Peter my next oldest brother was born. As a result of the open state of hostilities, none of us learned as kids to speak Da's native tongue. [French] I'm embarrassed to admit it, but even to this day I still don't although Nicholas, the youngest, is fluent.
Oh my name is a compromise between them as I was supposed to be Pierre after my Grandpere. Instead I got my favorite uncle's first name, my Mum's brother, who also got along well with my Da. So my name is actually Brody P. but I never use Pierre.
(Brothers are as follows: Edward is 10 years older than I am, Peter is 5 years older than me. I am 5 years older than Thomas, and then 8 years older than Nicholas. We Levesque boys would make snide comments about our parents sense of dutiful sex on a schedule to each other and NEVER in earshot of Da or Mum. If you think a Nun with a ruler is scary. Try a carpenter with a belt or mad Irish woman with a tongue so sharp it'd cut glass. Yup, that would be my parents.)
So, pressing on as it were...
Macky asked if I left at 18 or 19. I left at 18 to attend University, Da and three of his brothers and another relative ran a small custom home building concern. They built houses pretty much all over Ontario. Da worked very hard to make sure that all of us got into Uni. Okay, but in order to set in perspective why I ended up in San Francisco on the morning of May 21st, 1979.
Alright, its late so more tomorrow.
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[Updated on: Thu, 03 December 2009 03:31] |
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Not boring, Brody, you are just getting to the interesting bit. And surely I don't have to tell you what that is?
Love,
Anthony
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Macky
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Really getting into it |
Location: USA
Registered: November 2008
Messages: 973
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"I bailed early. VERY early which is what first created the rift in the relationship with my parents that later ended our familial ties completely...
its been more than 30 years now, but the memory of those battles sticks with me even now."
So, doing the cyphering, I get that you left church home and family at around 18 or 19. Did you go off to college or just start your life doing other stuff.
When you ended your family ties....does that mean you never returned to your parents even to visit? How the relationship with the sibs?
ANd don't forget to tell acam about those "good boys"
Macky
Behold, how good and how pleasant it is
For brothers to dwell together in unity!
Ps 133:1 NASB
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Hmm, I quickly glanced through the other ongoing posts (topics) Before coming here to continue. Macky's caution should be heeded. As far as "net safety?" A person can be found, just as a person in theory could hide successfully.
The main point though is that everyone leaves an electronic footprint or digital "signature" of some sort. Safety is defined by one's comfort with the level of info that is out there, the type of info, and whether it could be used maliciously against a person. [ Identity Theft comes to mind.] In today's world, its become increasing more difficult to be anonymous although not impossible. All of which, is based upon what any one person or group of persons does with the information. I believe that privacy is paramount yet at the same time I am living in society/culture where that is rapidly become non-existent and ironically being done in the name of safety. Go figure eh?
So, where was I...?
Oh yeah, Ontario. Okay Da was an exuberant, huge almost a bear of a man, literally. He resembled coloured prints of old newspaper clippings and drawings of early Canadian Trappers and Explorers. Which could scare the hell out of a stranger or a little kid.
He was also very opinionated and a definite devout Catholic. We boys were raised with three basic tenets: Believe in God. [ The Roman Model ] Never Lie or Intentionally hurt another person. Honour the Family. He never graduated from high school as in his family it was normal at 16 to go to work full time to help support the family. [ Which in Da's case seriously seemed to be half of the province of Quebec to us boys...] All kidding aside. Da was very typical of the Depression/WW 2 generation. He did, however, have an independent streak a mile long which is why I think he ultimately was okay moving away from Quebec after it became patently obvious that his bride and his parents really were intent on seeing whose funeral would be attended by whom first. I wasn't born yet, but Edward and Peter said it was nasty.
Sex? I just know that Anthony is chopping at the bit to hear this....
I can truthfully say that my sexual "awakening" was gradual. I cannot remember ever having a, what the hell is it the Yanks call it? Oh yeah, A Eureka! moment. But I do remember at around age 11 to 12, when changes happened to me physically, especially growing taller, getting hair down there, not to mention I discovered that playing with my new found toy between my legs was a whole lot of fun.
Now, having a brother 10 years older and one 5 years older was a good thing in one aspect for me. They fucked their girlfriends like bunnies and when they weren't doing that...well. What amazes me is that Da & Mum never caught on. Especially given the fact the both of my parents were wound way too tight about on the subject of sex. The one time I got caught masturbating by my Mum, she wigged right the hell out. Da got home and I got the belt. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention. Da & Mum were HUGE believers in corporal punishment if you screwed up.
Then after that whipping, I was made to say the rosary forever it seemed and the lecture too was unbelievable. Ironically, the reason she caught me was that I was an idiot. I was standing out in the hallway watching [read: spying on] my brother do the same thing. I got busted and he got off.... well, I doubt he "got off" as Mum made enough noise when she nailed me to kill any erection or living creature in the house for that matter.
Boys or Girls? Our house was dripping with testosterone which is why Mum prolly was such a harpy. Her only sanctuary was the kitchen and this little room off of it that Da constructed for her. As kids we were NEVER allowed to set foot in there unless it was by invitation only. Oh and besides the male factor, there were crucifixes, pictures of saints, and a statue/shrine of the Holy Mother that was out back in the yard where it could be seen from both the kitchen and Mum's room.
Okay, you get the idea. I'll be back later with more.
[Updated on: Thu, 03 December 2009 18:33] |
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I feel misunderstood, Brody, by Macky first and then you let him lead you astray too.
You wrote : Sex? I just know that Anthony is chopping at the bit to hear this....
It wasn't that. It was that your news posts were all impersonal - fact pieces rather than opinion pieces - and what is interesting to me is people's emotions and, yes, their loves and even hates.
Most of us first came here for the love stories and it is the personal struggles that make them interesting. Some of the best have almost no sex in them. Those that have long and detailed descriptions of sex get boring (to me anyway).
But I was never caught masturbating, was never whipped, never had religion imposed on me and never came out to my parents. I marvel at the troubles other people had and wonder whether I'd have stood up under such pressure or collapsed. I don't think I was ever physically brave.
So I am fascinated and appalled and look forward to the next episode.
Thank you, Brody.
Love,
Anthony
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