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Apart from the "getting caught" and "life change occurring" that the article mentions, I think there may be another reason for people in their 50s to start thinking about coming out.
It seems to me that a fair few guys still put their entire selves into their careers, leaving little time for personal stuff. Often, at some point in the 50's, a career plateau's. It's not a sudden life change, just a gradual evolution. But it does give time for reflection ... and for at least some people that means re-evaluating stuff that has been pushed to the back of their minds. Sexuality could be one of these things.
As for motives for coming out - as opposed to admitting things to oneself? A wish to, a need to, a realisation of the immense and unproductive effort that staying in the closet can be ... we're all different. And, of course, people may have many and varied reasons for not coming out, even once they've started to re-evaluate their own sexuality.
Personally, I'm just happy that I can live as an out gay man in my 50's ... it's a lot easier than it was living as an out gay man when I was in my 20's!
"The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. ... Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night devoid of stars." Martin Luther King
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Interesting, NW. I was fifty in 1984, two years after becoming self employed as a computer consultant. At the time I didn't think I'd find as much work if I was 'out' than if I stayed superficially like everyone else.
But I was completely 'out' to family and pretty open with most friends, many of whom had known me since we were at university together (when I think I was obviously gay) so I didn't feel much of the stifling that many closeted gays complain about.
And since I am plainly a bit bi I haven't had the difficulty in being faithful to my wife that some gay married men do have.
But I have felt that I need and lack gay friends. There are some things that my family and friends can't really empathise with! That's why I was so glad to meet you.
Love,
Anthony
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acam wrote:
> But I have felt that I need and lack gay friends. There are some things that my family and friends can't really empathise with!
That's something I can thoroughly understand! Although I had many gay friends and acquaintances when I worked in London in Theatre, I guess I kind of took it for granted. At any rate, when I moved up to Scotland to open up a new Local Authority entertainments and conference venue in 1993 I lost track of almost all of them (what with the stress of working 80-hour weeks, and any free time down south being spent with my then beloved). For most of my staff in Scotland, I was the first out gay man they'd ever met!
It wasn't until, a couple of years after moving back to London, I became disabled* and had time to myself to think that I realised/remembered how important it was to talk to other gay men. For a naturally fairly retiring person, I made considerable efforts ... and I now have more gay friends than straight ones, as it's worked out. Including a number of people here.
*Incidentally, almost exactly five years ago: 19th December 2004.
"The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. ... Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night devoid of stars." Martin Luther King
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