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By Brody Levesque (Bethesda, Maryland) Feb 6 | With my morning coffee I always read the news as I enjoy breakfast with my 'hard-copy' old fashioned newspaper. The problem I've having this morning is that right now, the greater Washington DC area is buried under 18 to 30 inches of snow at this hour and it's still snowing! Alas, no newspaper delivery for me today, but, there's always the online news sites which brings me to this Op-Ed I read at the Advocate.com with my muffins:
"The Upside of Open Relationships-Two new studies out of San Francisco show the majority of gay men thrive in open relationships. So why are we so committed to pursuing monogamy?"
This article written by Dr. Jallen Rix, who has a doctorate of education in sexology and is in private practise in San Francisco, sees open relationships as completely acceptable.
"These days I am most comfortable in an open relationship. This is where most monoga-maniacs will stop listening and stigmatize me as a “sex addict" who is “unable to commit.” What’s missing from this stereotyping is a major component found in these studies: There are very specific things about that these open relationships that are monogamous — safe sex, emotional primacy ... really, anything that's been negotiated in advance. Indeed, monogamy often comes down to a matter of degrees, even in mutually exclusive relationships. Where one couple draws the line of innocent flirting is not where another couple would draw the line. I like that an open relationship allows freedom to design a long-term connection precisely the way it works best for those involved."
Here's the problem with his advocacy of non-exclusive relationships, the opposition, especially the Christibans are only going to use this as yet another example of the moral turpitude of the greater queer community in general. What does Dr. Rix base his support of open relationships on? According to him;
"Two major studies out of San Francisco are taking a look at open relationships among gay, male couples like never before. The first study (to be released this month by San Francisco State University) looks at 556 male couples, half of whom had mutually agreed to outside sexual experiences, over the course of three years. The second (Lowen and Spears, 2009), focused exclusively on long-term (together for eight years or more) gay male couples who maintained consensual open relationships, of which 75% felt their outside sex had no negative impact on their primary connection."
I have been reporting for months on the issue of Gay Marriage and the hard fought wins and losses culminating with the current Federal trial, Perry vs. Schwarzenegger, over California's Prop 8 initiative that banned Gay marriage in the state. Part of the argument brought forth during testimony during the trial was precisely that Gay Marriage meant destruction of traditional values, morals, and standards that a majority of Americans hold dear. Now imagine the far right's reaction to Dr. Rix's assertion that;
"What I think is most wonderful is that once again the gay community is ahead of the curve. Because our civil rights movement is about sexuality, gender, and those we love, we are already exploring options and learning from experiences in ways others can’t even bring themselves to dream about. That’s why I’m proud to be a queer! So let’s get marriage equality, and let’s not be held back by a model that only works for about half our population. One hundred years from now, they will look back on us as the ones who paved the way for more freedom, pleasure, satisfaction, and sexiness in our relationships."
Luckily that wasn't part of the testimony eh? I'm all for live and let live but I am kinda wondering about this folks. He did point out too that;
"Over the past 150 years or so, Western civilization has upheld the view that the only valid relationship model is “one man and one woman in monogamous commitment forever.” After all this time, more and more people are asking, “How’s that workin’ out for us?” especially when about half of the straight marriages don’t behave monogamously, despite professing the ideal."
Hmm, Rix might have a valid point as infidelity was mentioned in specific relief by ABCNews20/20 correspondent Barbara Walters' report last evening profiling the former wife of South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford. In addition to profiling Sanford's extramarital affair that destroyed his marriage and most likely his political career, Walters ran a 11 minute front-piece detailing other famous scandals and public examples of infidelities by celebrities and noted individuals.
I find that I am questioning Rix's position, then my own personal feelings, and then of course the sometimes hypocrisy of the Ultra Right Christibans who see Gays as immoral and an abomination because of so called 'open' relationships. So I guess I am really asking, why exactly are we fighting so hard for that marriage licence?
Dr. Jallen Rix Photo By Brian Ashby
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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I think we are fighting for the freedom to choose the relationship that we desire.
When I was a teenager I wanted to spend my life for ever with one boy. Just one, and to be hsi for ever. That was my choice.
So, despite feeling that the word 'marriage' has caused us to lose some serious battles, I wish for equality of relationships, benefits, heredity with the non gay segment of society. I wish for others to be able to choose to engage in one or not to.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Why Are We Fighting For Marriage Equality? 
