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Macky
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Really getting into it |
Location: USA
Registered: November 2008
Messages: 973
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This reached my inbox this AM. Those English are so damned funny!
15 January 2010, 5:22 PM
Press Release: Union Negotiations
Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike on Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife.
Emergency talks with Al Qaeda management have so far failed to produce an agreement. The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death will be cut by 25% next January from 72 to only 60. The rationale for the cut was the increase in recent years of the number of suicide bombings and a subsequent shortage of virgins in the afterlife.
The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs (or B.O.O.M.) responded with a statement that this was unacceptable to its members and immediately balloted for strike action. General secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in
return but to be treated like this by management is a kick in the teeth."
Mr. Amir accepted the limited availability of virgins but pointed out that the cutbacks were expected to be borne entirely by the workforce and not by management. "Last Christmas Abu Hamza alone was awarded an annual bonus of 250,000 virgins," complains Amir. "And you can be sure they'll all be pretty ones too. How can Al Qaeda afford that for members
of the management but not 72 for the people who do the real work?"
Speaking from the shed in the West Midlands where he currently resides, Al Qaeda chief executive Osama bin Laden explained, "We sympathize with our workers' concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day jihad, in a competitive marketplace.
Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditure and laying people off. I don't like cutting wages but I'd hate to have to tell 3,000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow them-selves up." He defended management bonuses by claiming these were necessary to attract
good fanatical clerics. "How am I supposed to attract the best people if I can't compete with the private sector?" asked Mr. Bin-Laden.
Talks broke down this morning after management's last-ditch proposal of a virgin-sharing scheme was rejected outright after a failure to agree on orifice allocation quotas. One virgin, who refused to be named, was quoted as saying "I'll be buggered if I'm agreeing to anything like at........it's too much of a mouthful to swallow".
Unless some sort of agreement is reached over the weekend, suicide bombers will down explosives at midday on Monday. Most branches are supporting the strike. Only the North London branch, which has a different union, is likely to continue working. However, some members of that branch will only be using waist-down explosives in order to express solidarity with their striking brethren.
Spokespersons in the North East of England, Swindon, North Kent and the entire Australian continent and Detroit, Michigan stated that this would not affect their operations as "There are no virgins in their areas anyway.
Anonymous
Behold, how good and how pleasant it is
For brothers to dwell together in unity!
Ps 133:1 NASB
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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That's glorious
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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kiwi
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Likes it here |
Location: New Zealand
Registered: August 2009
Messages: 317
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Saw a comment recently that said, okay, they're doing it for the virgins, but what the ***** do the female bombers get out of it? Lesbians?
cheers
Commas matter - 'Party on Dudes' is not the same as 'Party on, Dudes'
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Thanks, Max. I've forwarded it to my circle of readers.
Hugs
N
I dream of boys with big bulges in their trousers,
Never of girls with big bulges in their blouses.
…and look forward to meeting you in Cóito.
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Clever, Kiwi, but am I the only one that thinks that the mind that put that together, and the time it took to do it, could have been spent on something that would serve more than the need to minimize our problems and make a joke out of any beliefs that are not our own?
I love to laugh, too, but if we are fighting for our own right to be who we are, I don't understand why it's ok to do it to ANYBODY else.
I'm new here, so forgive me if I missed things that would balance this out and make it less of a concern for me.
Tracy
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Macky
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Really getting into it |
Location: USA
Registered: November 2008
Messages: 973
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I can't quite remember the terminology Kiwi, but I have heard the the original Arabic word/s somewhere in the Koran that spoke to this said that the 'virgins' could be lads. Maybe that's what makes the ladies join up. If I were into Jihad, I'm sure it would be a selling point for me. And WTF they wouldn't even need to be virgins. 
Max
Behold, how good and how pleasant it is
For brothers to dwell together in unity!
Ps 133:1 NASB
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Macky
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Really getting into it |
Location: USA
Registered: November 2008
Messages: 973
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This brings me to another thought. What do they do with all the spent virgins? I wonder if they have a Salvation Army (Jihad) Store for second hand, spent virgins?
Max
Behold, how good and how pleasant it is
For brothers to dwell together in unity!
Ps 133:1 NASB
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We all have our own way of dealing with things.
Hugs
N
I dream of boys with big bulges in their trousers,
Never of girls with big bulges in their blouses.
…and look forward to meeting you in Cóito.
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Jihad, good god Y'all, whot is is good for; absolutely nutin 
Re: Jihad, good god Y'all, whot is is good for; absolutely n 
