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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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A buddy of mine that i started hanging around with recently, just all of a sudden started talking about hooking me up with a girl. He doesn't know about me, and no one in my immediate area knows either.
What do I do, I don't know what to tell him, I don't even know if I can trust him yet. I don't know what brought this up, last night he invited me over, so i went, no more than got in the door and he starts about some girls he know that he thinks I might like.
Thanks in advance.
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warren c. e. austin
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Likes it here |
Location: Toronto, Ontario, CANADA
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 247
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At what age-range are we talking about here?
I write for you a guideline. Tell us where you fit in, so that comments can be more specific.
Being teen-aged under this scenario is somewhat different that being in your twenties for example, or thirties and later still.
Each range is fraught with its' own distinct acceptable parameters governing social interaction; the one with the greatest limitation is probably the twenties; the one with the least being teen-aged.
As a teen-ager, you can always explain away your disinterest in female intimacy (or any other situation), by your not being emotionally ready to deal with it, or pressing issues regarding school, family-life, health, volunteer work, outside activities, or whatever, all or any of which (could) dictate that you don't have the time necessary to give over to developing relationships and interests.
The twenties, are much more of a mine field - you're supposed to have matured, and to have developed the wherewithall to be able to make up your mind. It is also a period in time when you are supposed to be thinking seriously about your future, getting married and raising a family, establishing your career path. The lack of any visible interest in any of those sticks out like a sore-thumb. Which is why I state the twenties are more difficult when it comes to your sexual preferences, and especially your lack of interest in women. Declaring abstenance is an alternative response, but it too, soon get's boring. Hopefully at that age, an individual is strong enough emotionally to confront the issue head-on, declaring just what gives, accepting the resultant fall-out from family and peers, and move on.
The thirties or later, brings withit the concept that you are running out of time (time being for getting married and raising that family); but it also brings ease with not having to blatantly confront the issue either, simply choosing to ignore it does work. Excuses such as "I'm not the marrying kind", "I have not interest in fathering children", "I prefer my independence" and others such as "I'm too selfish about myself and my interests to want to loose that control by developing long-term relationships" all will work satisfactorily to dispel immediate interst, but they too seldom will deflect it indefinitely.
It is only with the onset of the forties that interest by others in your amourous activites will diminish it not entirely cease.
Warren C. E. Austin
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Warren gives some good advice. Whatever you decide to say, think about it ahead of time. That will help you to keep calm.
I have found, even if you end up meeting some girl, even straight guys are nervous. So just be nice, and don't panic. If you stay calm, you can always (like Warren said) think of an excuse later.
Just be yourself and you'll be fine.
Good luck, and Best wishes.
Kevin
"Be excellent to each other, and, party on dudes"!
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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Sorry, a little new at this posting thing still, been watching it since May, and chatting with timmy and a few others. I'm 34, and just finally accepted that i'm gay in about the middle of May.
I'm not sure what else you need, so here is a little more. I'm a volunteer firefighter, my new buddy and I are on the same department. It gets a little more complicated though, he's pretty good friends with a guy that I "really" like and he is also on the department.
Anything else, just ask.
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Hey pacman2,
We are about the same age and I have a firefighter friend! Not sure I can help totally but here goes.
If you were a full time firefighter the guys must stay in the same house for long shifts quite regularly, right? So this would mean that it would get a bit more complicated. I'm not sure how it works for a volunteer. Do you see him alot?
It might help, Like Warren said, (he is a real smart guy from what I can tell) to have hobbies or activities outside work that take up much of you time (or at least something to talk about besides girls). You might want to limit how much you see him away from your department. Not totally of course, just that you might not want to put yourself in a awkward position.
Above all else, relax, be yourself, and you'll do fine.
Good luck,
Kevin
"Be excellent to each other, and, party on dudes"!
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Hi Pac! 
Have you considered asking him WHY he wants to hook you up with a girl? Depending on the way he answers (how quickly, how (un)comfortably, etc) you might be able to proceed from there.
Take care, good luck, etc!
-Lenny
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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"I've never had much luck with girls" is a start, I suppose. Followed of thje goig gets sticky by "I tend to prefer my own company. Somehow I am never at ease socially with a beautiful yoiung lady."
OK, it IS naff, but I am really not any good at this part.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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But I just can't believe that teenage is "the easiest." There is so little personal freedom and kids can be extremely cruel, are harder to prosecute (less seriously taken by authorities), more peer pressure/peer expectations. Once out of high school, you can make choices to more easily avoid bullies or awkward situations. If you MUST go to school, can't choose which school, and fights/harrassement aren't seriously investigated/prosecuted by the authorities, it sounds like the worst-case scenario. Add to which, it's unlikely to meet someone special who ISN'T in your school, due to lack of mobility/time/transportation, etc. The pressures continue from school and social events to home/private life if you live with your parents and aren't out to them.
Okay, having said all that, maybe you're just talking about the initial, casual "no dates for now" situation, before it gets escalated?
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Some of these ideas are pretty good, pacman2! I especially like the vague ones, and there are no limits to how vague you can be...."Nah, not that one...not my style." "Nope, she just doesn't light my fire..." (fireman reference there for no extra charge...hehe) "No thanks, just not in the mood right now..." Things like that. Nothing global or long term need be said.
And if he is really pushy about it, don't hesitate to put the ball back in his court, like Lenny said. "Wow! You really want to get me hooked up! What's that about, anyhow?" Said with a smile and good humor, and not defensively, he'll probably let it go!
"Always forgive your enemies...nothing annoys them quite so much." Oscar Wilde
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e
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On fire! |
Location: currently So Cal
Registered: May 2002
Messages: 1179
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That's what I used to do. Of course I am bi, but even when I really wasn't interested, I would accept. Usually I had a fun and interesting evening, kissed the girl goodnight and never saw her again. Then I would tell my friend that she was nice but I just wasn't interested in her "that way." It deflected suspicions about my sexuality and it was fun. There were a couple of times that I really didn't like the girl (or I could tell she didn't like me), but I tried to make the best of it. The last time a friend tried to fix me up, it was with her sister. I ended up married. So this plan isn't without pitfalls. 
Think good thoughts,
e
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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He hasn't said anything else about it since, I may be in the clear for a little while. The advise is appriciated, and helpful if it comes up again.
Thanks.
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Need a little help. 
Re: Need a little help. 
THANKS GUYS 
