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kiwi
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Likes it here |
Location: New Zealand
Registered: August 2009
Messages: 317
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I know it's old, but keep reading. Apologies to anyone who's not offended.
SOCIALISM - You have 2 cows - You give one to your neighbour.
COMMUNISM - You have 2 cows - The state takes both and gives you some milk.
FACISM - You have 2 cows - The state takes both and sells you some milk.
NAZISM - You have 2 cows - The state takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRATISM - You have 2 cows - The state takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM - You have 2 cows - You sell one and buy a bull - Your herd multiplies and the economy grows - You sell them and retire on the income.
SURREALISM - You have 2 giraffes - The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION - You have 2 cows - You sell one and force the other to produce the milk of 4 cows - You hire a consultant to analyse why the cow dropped dead.
ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND VENTURE CAPITALISM - You have 2 cows - You sell 3 of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all 4 cows back, with a tax exemption for 5 cows - The milk rights of the 6 cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all 7 cows back to your listed company - The annual report says that the company owns 8 cows with an option on 1 more - You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with 9 cows. No balance sheet is provided with the release - The public then buys your bull.
A FRENCH CORPORATION - You have 2 cows - You go on strike, organize a riot and block the roads because you want 3 cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION - You have 2 cows - You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce 20 times the milk - You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION - You have 2 cows - You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month and milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION - You have 2 cows - You decide to have lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION - You have 2 cows - You count them and learn that you have 5 cows - You count them again and learn you have 42 cows - You count them again and learn you have 2 cows - You stop counting cows and open a bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION - You have 500 cows. None of them belong to you - You charge the owners for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION - You have 2 cows - You have 300 people milking them - You claim that you have full employment and high bovine productivity - You arrest the newsman who reported the true situation.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION - You have 2 cows - You worship them
A BRITISH COPORATION - You have 2 cows - Both are mad.
AN IRAQI CORPORATION - Everyone thinks you have lots of cows - You tell them that you have none - No-one believes you, so they bomb the crap out of you and invade your country - You still have no cows, but now you're a democracy.
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION - You have 2 cows - Business seems pretty good - You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.
A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION - You have 2 cows - The one on the left looks very attractive.
cheers
Commas matter - 'Party on Dudes' is not the same as 'Party on, Dudes'
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"The old ones are the best ones," Kiwi. This is usually applied to jokes, but applies equally to dudes.
Hugs
Nigel
I dream of boys with big bulges in their trousers,
Never of girls with big bulges in their blouses.
…and look forward to meeting you in Cóito.
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Aussie
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Really getting into it |
Registered: August 2006
Messages: 475
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I am offended because they got the Aussie Corporation so right.
Aussie
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kiwi
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Likes it here |
Location: New Zealand
Registered: August 2009
Messages: 317
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Very true, Nigel! And, yeah - a good picture of Aussie business there.
cheers
Commas matter - 'Party on Dudes' is not the same as 'Party on, Dudes'
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