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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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An online friend has just sent me an autobiographical story. It presents the narrator and subject as a youth who is not likeable (though not dislikeable). And it is obvious that the author is not at peace with himself. He tells me that he does not, at a little older than my years, like himself much.
His history is of feeling that he has allowed himself to be used all his life and that has left him (my interpretation) feeling desolate at times. I've told him so far that those who allow themselves to be used are in a paradoxical position of power - they can withdraw the tacit consent and leave the user impotent.
He is nervous of posting here, though I think and hope he will read. He says that his insecurity can make him appear aggressive at times, this causing issues in forums.
I'd appreciate your thoughts, even pretty direct thoughts, expressed kindly, here.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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I am trying to interpret this. Am I right in inferring that the author is a regular poster on the MB?
From what I see here, the author has a dominant part which says 'No, I don't want to expose myself', but there is a second voice within him saying 'I need this exposure if I am going to come to terms with myself.'
This would be the catharsis or purgative feeling he is looking for to be at ease with himself.
Do we need to know who the author is? I suspect no, in which case if he really wants to be published, it's done under a completely new name or new pseudonym.
Also, Timmy, I suggest that if you do publish, you do not draw attention to having a 'new author' here, but just slip it in and let it survive on its own merits.
Whether the author is likeable or dislikeable is neither here nor there. From some accounts Enid Blyton was not likeable. It is the merit of his work that counts. Also one must be indulgent (within reason) towards artists.
Hugs
Nigel
I dream of boys with big bulges in their trousers,
Never of girls with big bulges in their blouses.
…and look forward to meeting you in Cóito.
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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Nigel wrote:
> I am trying to interpret this. Am I right in inferring that the author is a regular poster on the MB?
To my knowledge he has never posted here
>
> From what I see here, the author has a dominant part which says 'No, I don't want to expose myself', but there is a second voice within him saying 'I need this exposure if I am going to come to terms with myself.'
>
> This would be the catharsis or purgative feeling he is looking for to be at ease with himself.
I agree with you. However I can only publish a story that works here. I cannot publish a story as therapy. We, he and I, are looking at potential enhancements, but there are no guarantees that it will make the cut at the end of the process.
>
> Do we need to know who the author is? I suspect no, in which case if he really wants to be published, it's done under a completely new name or new pseudonym.
We have no need ever to know his identity. I assume he emails me under a pseudonym anyway
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> Also, Timmy, I suggest that if you do publish, you do not draw attention to having a 'new author' here, but just slip it in and let it survive on its own merits.
He will, should I post it, be treated precisely as any author
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> Whether the author is likeable or dislikeable is neither here nor there. From some accounts Enid Blyton was not likeable. It is the merit of his work that counts. Also one must be indulgent (within reason) towards artists.
You missed the point here, or I expressed it badly. The author is the author. The character is the character. And the character in the tale is neither likeable nor dislikeable. The character is the narrator. It happens that the work is quasi-autoboographical, thus the narrator is the author, but I'm looking at the way he presents the narrator in the story, as is he, as an indicator of his self esteem and self worth.
In other words it is not Enid Blyton we are discussing here at all. Rather it is Noddy, assuming Noddy to be quasi-autoboographical.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Timmy - you wrote: "An online friend has just sent me an autobiographical story. It presents the narrator and subject as a youth who is not likeable (though not dislikeable). And it is obvious that the author is not at peace with himself. He tells me that he does not, at a little older than my years, like himself much."
To begin to accept oneself I would say that you have to learn how to speak openly of the desires and feelings that you feel and that you think society would not accept. Here on APOS is the ideal place to do that because the risk of real people finding out and condemning you for it is very small indeed.
You wrote: "His history is of feeling that he has allowed himself to be used all his life and that has left him (my interpretation) feeling desolate at times. I've told him so far that those who allow themselves to be used are in a paradoxical position of power - they can withdraw the tacit consent and leave the user impotent."
Quite so; but although in a position of power people who have been used or feel they have been used do have to overcome their own reluctance to reveal to others how they feel they have been used. It is only when I was able to overcome my own reluctance to tell about my relationship with the chaplain of my college that I began to feel sure that I hadn't made myself unacceptable by allowing the usage.
You wrote: "He is nervous of posting here, though I think and hope he will read. He says that his insecurity can make him appear aggressive at times, this causing issues in forums."
If he posts (and under a pseudonym that is not associated with someone who has been used) it may be possible to explore the feelings of someone who has been used without the need to admit 'it was me'. Yet that possibility is always there if it turns out to be needed.
You wrote: "I'd appreciate your thoughts, even pretty direct thoughts, expressed kindly, here."
What I think is that it is amazing how it changes the way one thinks about experiences that one is ashamed about when one has admitted them and found that there are other people who understand and don't condemn.
I think the only person on here that is willing to condemn me is Brody and I don't understand why - but I have nearly been driven away by him.
Love,
Anthony
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