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kiwi
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Likes it here |
Location: New Zealand
Registered: August 2009
Messages: 317
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(This is not mine - i pinched it from a news-site blog, but i think it's brilliant.)
What is it to be a man? How do we define the qualities, attributes and characteristics that leave us in no doubt that one of our fellow humans is of the masculine gender? Is it the ability to put kitset furniture together? Is it the furry pelt of body hair? Is it caring about sport? Some or all of these may apply to a man you know, or maybe none of them. But universal amongst the menfolk is incontrovertibly, undeniably, unquestionably the "peeing standing up" thing. All guys, everywhere (with the possible exception of guys in wheelchairs) pee standing up. On this we can depend.
Except in Germany.
Apparently, it is now very common for German men to sit down to urinate. I know. I was confused and amazed in equal measure too. I've never been to Germany, though it being a foreign country you've got to assume that there are differences in custom and etiquette and language. For instance, in the German language you can have massively long words that look like whole sentences with the spaces taken out, like 'Niederschlagswahrscheinlichkeit' which apparently means "probability of precipitation" and there's that whole wearing plaid a lot and going for walks "val-deri, val-dera with knapsacks on their backs" sort of carry on that I have never really understood. But you know, vive la difference. Each to their own. Rah, rah, rah it's a small world after all.
But I really wouldn't have thought that standing and peeing was one of those things that would be affected by culture. I thought it was an immutable law that every man-creature since Homo erectus onwards, upon discovering they could pee standing up...did. As far as I was aware Y chromosome = toilet seats up. But if German men have abandoned the practice wholesale then clearly it's not so straightforward. Apparently teutonic men have no problem with peeing like a lady...and presumably teutonic women across the nation are a) not falling into the bowl in the middle of the night because the seat's been left up, or b) tut-tutting over droplets of wee on the seat. How civilised.
Of course, my favourite thing about this story is my discovery of the word for those who take a seat when they wizz. Ladies and germs, please allow me to introduce to you my new favourite piece of vocabulary..."sitzpinkler". Say it a few times out loud if you like. Sitsss-pink-lar. Isn't it great?
But with regards to this discussion on sitting vs standing we shouldn't forget that technology has given us lady-folk the means to break the gender barrier in the form of the Shewee, which, if you're not aware, is a plastic funnel-shaped device that lets you direct your wee into toilets or containers or against trees and presumably allows you to write your name in the snow. I bought my friend one of these for her last birthday as a gag gift (because we have a history of retaliatory gift-giving). She was really embarrassed and kind of appalled by it. Even now when I sometimes mention it (which I do semi-regularly so as to extend the torture, because that is how I show people that I like them) she gets a pained, uncomfortable look on her face. It's great, though I am a little apprehensive about what she might get for me for my birthday this year. But my defence was that the Shewee was an obvious answer to the question "What do you get the woman who has everything?"
So where do you stand or sit on the (hopefully not burning) issue of peeing stance (or lack of it)? Gentlemen, do you ever sit when you could stand? Can you see this becoming a habit? Ladies, have you ever Shewee-ed? Does any of this matter at all as long as it doesn't end up on the seat?
Okay, now i'd better go & do some work.
cheers
Commas matter - 'Party on Dudes' is not the same as 'Party on, Dudes'
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... you have just made my day; says he laughing so hard that he has to sit down on the toilet because you just made me nearly wet my pants, and I'm out of breath, which makes standing for this now wheezing old gent next to impossible.
Warren C. E. Austin
]The Gay Deceiver
Toronto, Canada
"... comme recherché qu'un délice callipygian"
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On the first reading it's funny, Kiwi, but knowing the German mentality of "Ordnung muss sein" and conformity, you must not be surprised when the lady lavatory attendant wanders into the men's toilet and bawls you out for standing at a urinal.
I have heard of this movement in Sweden as well - similar mentality.
[PS - Cossie, if you read this, you will have noticed the hanging participle. Guilty as charged.]
Hugs
Nigel
I dream of boys with big bulges in their trousers,
Never of girls with big bulges in their blouses.
…and look forward to meeting you in Cóito.
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Sorry to disappoint you, Kiwi, but for some years now I've peed sitting down. It becomes necessary when swollen prostate narrows the urethra and makes squeezing to get out, not the last drop but the last half-bladder-full.
And if I don't I'm liable to find myself needing to go again half an hour later.
I have no idea how many other people need to do this.
Love,
Anthony
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ray2x
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Really getting into it |
Location: USA
Registered: April 2009
Messages: 430
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I think there's a device which allows a man to assume the breast feeding stance, allowing the man the thrill to do so. I've only heard about it but never saw it and I was scared to death that I would receive one at our baby shower.
But I am a stander to pee. Not that it is natural but maybe convenient. And there is no written commandment for the man to pee standing up.
Raymundo
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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Sitting does assist aim, though still provides unexpected accidents. Always check for overspill!
It does save being told that one must lower the seat after use. I have always wondered why ladies can;t lower their own seats, though
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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kiwi
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Likes it here |
Location: New Zealand
Registered: August 2009
Messages: 317
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Exactly, timmy! I've always maintained that if the ladies want the seat down they should bleeding-well put it down. It's not hard to do.
Commas matter - 'Party on Dudes' is not the same as 'Party on, Dudes'
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I have always been astounded that some men are incapable of understanding the simplistic use of the toilet. The bowl, a seat and often a lid. How hard is that?
Too many never raise the seat and pee upon it, thus I imagine most women are dread to touch the damn thing after a man is done. I am all for conserving our natural resources, but for goodness sake, flush the damn thing when you are done!!! It's the civilized thing to do, otherwise go pee in the woods like our ancestors.
Age appears to be best in four things; old wood best to burn, old wine to drink, old friends to trust, and old authors to read. (Sir Francis Bacon 1561-1626)
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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Well, pee a cupful and flush 2 gallons is not that environmentally sound! We need grey water for toilets, and our homes are not designed for them.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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We we went to Japan we were welcomed by a guest house toilet! It raised it's lid when we entered the room, and, apart from the arse wash and dry, flushed when we stood! Seat raising and lowering manually was by a wall control, so no seat touching!
And, after we closed the door it closed its lid and went back to sleep.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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cossie
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On fire! |
Location: Exiled in North East Engl...
Registered: July 2003
Messages: 1699
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... and I sentence you to be hanged by the participles until you have atoned for your crime. (About three weeks should be enough.)
[Updated on: Sun, 05 September 2010 07:10]
For a' that an' a' that,
It's comin' yet for a' that,
That man tae man, the worrld o'er
Shall brithers be, for a' that.
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cossie
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On fire! |
Location: Exiled in North East Engl...
Registered: July 2003
Messages: 1699
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.... it allows idle sods like me time to contemplate the future of the world (prior to taking a short doze). Who on earth would want to get back to work quicker than you need to?
(This theory does not apply while in the pub!)
[Updated on: Sun, 05 September 2010 07:19]
For a' that an' a' that,
It's comin' yet for a' that,
That man tae man, the worrld o'er
Shall brithers be, for a' that.
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I have had this explained to me and it stems from being imprecise.
It's not a question of lowering the seat, but lowering the lid, the reason being that splash from the flushing can invisibly reach as far as 6 feet away from the pan, which puts your toothbrush and face flannel well within range in the domestic bathroom.
Hug
Nigel
I dream of boys with big bulges in their trousers,
Never of girls with big bulges in their blouses.
…and look forward to meeting you in Cóito.
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Don't I get time off for bad behaviour, Cossie?
Hugs
Nigel
I dream of boys with big bulges in their trousers,
Never of girls with big bulges in their blouses.
…and look forward to meeting you in Cóito.
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cossie
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On fire! |
Location: Exiled in North East Engl...
Registered: July 2003
Messages: 1699
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I don't think you've quite grasped the principles of Scottish justice. You're not allowed to answer back. For such impertinence you can remain in suspense (or do I mean suspenders?) for an additional three weeks (so long as your participles don't become past in the meantime!).
For a' that an' a' that,
It's comin' yet for a' that,
That man tae man, the worrld o'er
Shall brithers be, for a' that.
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Dear Kiwi, may I cavil at your choice of words. Surely even in NZ the female of man is woman and the male of lady is lord. I would even allow you to push a point and accept an extension to gentleman, but the species, the concept and the behaviour associated are all sadly in decline.
Do you have the wild arum lily in NZ?
I remember how cringe-making it was when a visitor to our house in the 1930s about to depart, asked her child whether he needed to 'make a tinkle' before they left.
I think euphemisms are mostly regrettable, when they aren't laughable.
Love,
Anthony
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kiwi
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Likes it here |
Location: New Zealand
Registered: August 2009
Messages: 317
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male = lord? Not likely - SWMBO wouldn't have that.
Arum lilies are interesting. We have them here, introduced like most things, from the Old Country. They're often seen growing wild on abandonded house-sites. Apparently this is because people (Irish?) used to take the lilies from funeral wreaths home and plant them as a memorial.
Not sure if that's true, but old cemeteries are full of them. You really needed to know that!
cheers
Commas matter - 'Party on Dudes' is not the same as 'Party on, Dudes'
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But see next.
[Updated on: Mon, 06 September 2010 20:08] |
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I googled it. Only thought to do that after I'd pressed return.
She Who Must Be Obeyed.
Sorry to be so slow. In my family there are none of these (nor HWMBOs either).
Love,
Anthony
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