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mouser
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Getting started |
Location: Odenton, MD
Registered: October 2002
Messages: 5
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Right now I can't really describe my mood. A friend of mine is supposedly coming over and expecting to make love to me. I have feelings of either love or lust towards him and do not know what to say. I'm not really that interested in sex nor am I comfortable with my own body but that still doesn't help deter my friend from his lusts for me. Help!
If you read this, thanks for caring and giving your time. 
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...The way it seems to me is this:
You can either tell your friend you don't feel comfortable having sex. If he is your friend, he will accept that, and support you. If not, he might get annoyed at you, and that will tell you you're probably better off without him anyway since he has no real interest in YOU.
OR:
You can have sex with him, taking as much delight as you can in the fact he finds you attractive despite you not being comfortable with yourself. I've not felt comfortable with myself either for most of my life (going back to first grade, maybe even earlier), and I'm still not really over it (old habits are difficult to kill). But I've found others CAN appreciate me, and if I manage to relax and just get over the initial threshold, then that feeling can be TOTALLY awesome. So try to be cool. Your friend obviously enjoys you, that must mean you're not as unattractive as you yourself may think!
...Just an observation. You may opt for a different, third choice, what do I know? But, you asked, so here's my answer.
-Lenny
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
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Lenny makes a good point about your personal body image. You may find that your friend wants you, that is not a bad thing.
Only YOU can decide your comfort level in having sex with your friend. Be true to yourself. Be open and honest with your friend.
All will work out fine.
Best wishes,
Kevin
"Be excellent to each other, and, party on dudes"!
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trevor
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Really getting into it |
Registered: November 2002
Messages: 732
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If possible, I would try to be honest with him and tell him you are confused, or undecided, or whatever words seem best to you. If you ARE attracted to him, why not tell him so?
Just my opinion, but I believe in a loving, emotional relationship before sex, and sex only when it "is right", especially if this would be your first time, which is a special gift that you can only give once. If you are interested and tell him so, but want to wait, I doubt that would discourage him too much. If it does, he is probably being selfish about sex. Again, IMHO. I think snuggling is highly underrated, btw! And of course, kissing might be appropriate for a first or second date, if that appeals to you both.
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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I would say "Do not accede to his request". It is your body. That he lusts after you is, perhaps, flattering, but is not relevant. Any sexual act without yout emotional consent in addition to any physical consent, is demeaning.
Becoming comfortable with your own body is a different issue. I think each of thsoe is separate and important. Becoming comfy with yourself is vital before any sexual congress with another.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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