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Hermes, this topic has come up for discussion on this board more than a few times and I have never weighed in with my opinion before. As part of my new commitment to this board, I guess this would be a good topic to start with.
I agree 100% with your thinking on all 3 examples. I sincerely believe that irreparable harm would severely traumatise this child. Even in the early to mid teen years, a child is susceptible to this traumatic scenario as I am living proof that terrible things that happen to "young kids" and can scar them for life. I put 'young kids' in quotation marks because that is the term the doctor used when telling my mother that I would be perfectly fine after being beaten by my father from ages 4-7 and that a childs mind is programmed to forget "these things".
To honestly answer your question as to how I would feel if my mate had been wrenched away from me. I would probably feel exactly as I did after those horrible beatings so many years ago. I would be gutted. My life, should I chose to continue, would be empty and desolate.
I hope you can find an opinion somewhere in those previous two paragraphs that helps you. I have never spoken on this topic here or anywhere else, ever before.
I apologise to other members with whom I agree but never spoke out in support of their beliefs. It is hard for me to put thoughts into 'written word'. I have spent about 35 minutes on this post alone, trying to organise my thoughts and consult a dictionary for spelling on words of 3 sylables or more.
Marco
There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love. Washington Irving
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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In answering the question you have revealed a huge hurt. I offer you a soft gentle hug.
What is the relationship like with your father nowadays?
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Thank you Tim for your hugs, thay are most welcome. My father left shortly after I passed the age of 7 and started my first year of school. He was a military officer and my wounds,contusions,lacerations and broken bones were never questioned. I was taken to the nearest military hospital and patched up and sent home. Each time, no reports were made and there was never a record of these visits. No one knows his where abouts to this day. My entire family is dead and I have no one to ask about anything to do with my past.
My step-father is another story entirely. That story does not have a pleasant ending either. I will tell you one day about it.
That's all I can handle for the moment, sorry.
Marco
There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love. Washington Irving
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13800
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When you are ready then you will speak. Perhaps to me, perhaps to another soul, perhaps in public.
What I know for sure is that bad events lose their power every time they are spoken of, written of. The sooner you can find the courage to start the faster the power will diminish.
No-one says you have to be like me and live your disasters in public. I do it for myself, for my own healing, and for others to take heart. I am not strong, butI have chosen to be. Does that make sense?
If you take someone else under your wing and help them then you, too are helped. Perhaps someone here who has had an awful experience would speak to you of it privately. All you need to do is to ask open ended questions and help them to speak. All they need to do is to speak. The solutions are in their own hands as is their ability to take courage from your listening.
You've started to speak.
Never stop, even if you go slow.
[Updated on: Tue, 05 October 2010 08:57]
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Love you marco...
first post in ages
felt like dedicating it to you
im 18 now all graduated and now in college woohoo
talk to me on msn tomorrow please?
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Timmy, I thank you for the kind words and sometime soon, I will e-mail you my whole story and then I can share bits of it here, when a topic comes up that is pertinent to the situations I have been in and have dealt with.
Hermes, I thank you for your offer of lending an ear and may take you up on it as the opportunity arises. I have been in therapy 4 or 5 different times for a few different problems and have been seeing my current therapist every other week for the past 5 years, although the first 3 years it was once a week. Hermes, you say you may no longer be a therapist but you can lend a good ear but the truth of the matter is that you have something even more valuable, experience, for which there is no substitute. I am extremely greatful for your offer of help.
Same thing goes for you as well, Timmy. Your concern and kind words mean a whole lot to me.
The other board member that I mentioned, the one that I felt I had let down was Saben. I have read this board every day for the past 6 or 7 years. I am aware of the "debates" and the "difference of opinions" that have occured here when certain topics are brought up. It seems that the "age differences" topic has been one of the more inflammitory issues this board has dealt with. I very much agreed with Saben's beliefs and actions where this topic is concerned but never spoke up in support of him nor revealed my views. As you can see by this lengthy post, I am trying to 'break' thru and be able to add some substance of my own here. It may help, just as anothers recent post helped my to step out of the dark and into the light to be counted.
On 3 different occasions, I have 'repaid' my debt by helping a few gay teens find help and even had my mom look after 2 of them for a while before she passed away.
Thank you everyone for helping out of my comfort zone and into the real world.
marco
There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love. Washington Irving
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Thank you Jordan and congrats on starting college. I have a very unusually busy week starting early this morning and will continue for much of the week. So computer time will be sparse but I try and check out the news and happenings around the world often as I am able. I am sure we will bump into each other sooner or later.
marco
There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love. Washington Irving
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Re: ANOTHER SIDE TO BE CONSIDERED 
