I expect simple behaviours here. Friendship, and love. Any advice should be from the perspective of the person asking, not the person giving! We have had to make new membership moderated to combat the huge number of spammers who register
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
There is a reason I'm pushing 'It Gets Better' so hard. I know you know what it is. The original design of this site, this forum, was to bring gay kids in pain and the adults they become into the warmth of love, affection, romance, confidence, out of pain, despair, darkness, and away from suicide.
That doesn't remove the ability for folk to post and talk about other things. Real life includes all sorts of things. You aren't swamped, locked out, embarrassed for posting about something else or any other awkward thing.
Maybe you, too, are hugely emotional over the recent spate of suicides, young people who ran out of hope suddenly and chose a truly hard way out. I am. I knew none of them, but I hurt for all of them. I'm not sure when grief fatigue sets in, I hope it takes a while. Things are moving in the USA right now. Bullycide has hit mainstream TV. There may be a turn against the religious fascists of the right. And for that to happen all sorts of pressure has to be kept up.
Do I delude myself that little people like me can make a difference?
No. I said to Brody this afternoon that I have a tanker full of wet pig slurry and the largest wind machine in the world and I still can't start a shit storm. I can coat the side of a barn with shit from 20 metres, but I can't get the barn in the field next door.
But just what if the guy next door each side sees me spraying pig shit? And what if each of them says "Damn, he's right. We treat these queer kids so badly. I'm starting spraying pig shit on their behalf, too."
And what if, ten neighbours down the track, one can turn on 1,000 wind machines linked to an infinite supply of pig shit? And then we find several who can spray shit all over the bigots so that they drown under the weight of our combined onslaught?
So I keep plugging away, not just here, but on twitter and facebook and blogging, and commenting on blogs.
Sometimes I think I mind if you don't join in. But then I remember that you don't yet have the supply of pig shit and you have no access to a wind machine. So I mind emotionally but not intellectually.
If you won't join me for your own very good reasons, please keep the rest of this place alive.
Ordinary highs, ordinary lows, fun and laughs belong here. Don't let's lose sight of that. Some of us are fighting, the rest just need to carry on being normal
Location: USA
Registered: September 2003
Messages: 327
I try to post other things whenever i see fit. I do read everything else and i appreciate all the newsworthy links people post. Helps me stay current with what is going on in the fight for equality.
My life is full of ups and downs. I could share more personal things i need help with. Such as help dealing with a relationship i can't seem to get over to help with dealing with life in general. In real life, i don't have many people i can share these concerns with.I don't expect people here will fix my problems, but they might help me see things with different eyes.
You don't love someone because they are beautiful, they are beautiful because you love them.
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
Even if folk here don't see them with different eyes, one thing is for sure. I know, because I have done this over the years, that you will see them with different eyes yourself.
Writing it out and telling someone else brings, eventually, a clarity of thought.
Taking me as an example, I still love the memory of the boy who is now the chief probation officer of an English county. I could probably love the man, too. But I am no longer obsessed with "him" and what might(!) have been. By writing it out, not just here, but in many different ways, I lost the obsession.
WIth determination you will achieve a similar lessening of loss.
Location: Massachusetts and Florida...
Registered: June 2003
Messages: 357
Relationship issues don't go away overnight. I know, sounds corny, but it's the same with dealing with any other difficult transition in your life. The end of a thing often doesn't equal the end of wanting a thing. My father died several months back. I still miss him, even though the pain of him passing is lessened everyday, it's sad to know that a huge part of what shaped me in my life is no more. That I'll never get to hear his voice again.
Perhaps that's a bad example. You might still run into the former relationship from time to time, I don't know. But when you accept that a thing is done and you move on, despite the ache of loss, you feel better about yourself. Takes time, but it's true. If things ended badly, well, hopefully you learned something from the experience. If it was just a matter that had to end for your own sanity, you can honestly feel better knowing that you got your foot back out of the bear trap (no double meaning intended).
It's always helpful to write out your problem, even if you keep it to yourself. That's the reason why teachers like to make students write so much. By putting your thoughts onto paper, thinking about how to make it so someone else understands, you get a better grip on them yourself.
Best advice, though, and I believe everyone here will sign off on this, is to have someone you can talk to. Not necessarily someone to get advice from, that's a different thing entirely, but someone who you can connect with to really just let it out. It's a dying art, listening. Takes a more active role than the name sounds like. Takes someone who is able to ask questions when they aren't sure what you mean. If you find a good listener, remember that it's only good form to be one as well. Watch how they do it and learn from it, even if you're watching them whilst they listen to you.
Always find that balance between your head and your heart. Always evaluate yourself as well as other people and situations. Sometimes, something is just over. If it is, treasure it for what it was, know it for how it affected you, and move on. Life isn't a spectator sport.
Of course, I could just be completely full of shit about all this ;-D ) . It's up to you do decide. Don't worry though, all your gunkles (gay uncles) will be here to lend an ear.
It's not the wolf you see you should fear, but all the ones he howls with. Don't be afraid of the song, but don't piss off the choir.
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I want to remind you of something 
) . It's up to you do decide. Don't worry though, all your gunkles (gay uncles) will be here to lend an ear.
