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I am bewildered as to why we find it necessary to classify ourselves as "out" or "closeted". These terms have always pissed me off to no end. I myself am neither. If anyone has ever SERIOUSLY asked me if I was gay, I would have told them I was, but nobody has every asked other than the rhetorical question people (mostly as kids) ask when you do something stupid. However, in those cases they are not asking your sexual orientation but rather making a derogatory remark not requiring an answer.
Nobody has every walked up to me and introduced themselves and then added "and by the way, I am straight", so I have not found the need to add "I am gay" when I introduce myself. Obviously the males that I have been with know, and as far as I'm concerned they are the only people who need to know.
Today I was helping my best (straight) friend of 24 years do something he desperately needed completed. After finishing, he put his arm around my shoulder like pals do, gave a quick squeeze and said "thanks". An acquaintance standing nearby turned and said with a smirk "what are you guys, gay?". I answered him in the same way I have always answered such ignorant remarks, neither in the affirmative or negative, by turning it back on him with "That sounds like wishful thinking. Why, are you planning to ask one of us on a date?". That shut him up, but my point is why the fuck do people do that? Is it just human nature to want to know anything that they feel is negative, like rubber-necking at an accident to see if you can spot a dead body? Why in the world is it anybody's business what your orientation is unless they want to hit on you?
Damn it, if I want someone to know I'll tell them, otherwise it should be no concern of theirs. By the way, I'm gay.
Needed to vent. I feel much better now.
I prefer guys that don't come in a box.
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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There are two different points here I want to answer
attatood wrote:
> Nobody has every walked up to me and introduced themselves and then added "and by the way, I am straight", so I have not found the need to add "I am gay" when I introduce myself. Obviously the males that I have been with know, and as far as I'm concerned they are the only people who need to know.
Yes they have, it was just more subtle, and was assumptive.
Within five minutes of meeting you every heterosexual person (and yes, some gay ones) have told you that they are married, have kids, are looking forward to grandchildren, have to pick their kid up form school, wanted to... My GOD just LOOK at the TITS on THAT!... meet the right girl, etc.
It's natural and normal for the world to talk about their lives in that way. I don't have a boyfriend. If I had Id like to be able to do that about him just as easily.
Heterosexual people are constantly coming out.
Gay guys like me who appear to be heterosexual do that all the time too, but it doesn't indicate our sexuality.
>
> Today I was helping my best (straight) friend of 24 years do something he desperately needed completed. After finishing, he put his arm around my shoulder like pals do, gave a quick squeeze and said "thanks". An acquaintance standing nearby turned and said with a smirk "what are you guys, gay?". I answered him in the same way I have always answered such ignorant remarks, neither in the affirmative or negative, by turning it back on him with "That sounds like wishful thinking. Why, are you planning to ask one of us on a date?". That shut him up, but my point is why the fuck do people do that? Is it just human nature to want to know anything that they feel is negative, like rubber-necking at an accident to see if you can spot a dead body? Why in the world is it anybody's business what your orientation is unless they want to hit on you?
This one is, despite the fact that I am sure you are a good acquaintance with the idiot questioner, is homophobic bullying. It;s part of what assails us every day of our lives, and is part of the heterosexual man's inner fears that he might actually enjoy the embrace of a man's firm arms, or the touch of a hand or a mouth that knows what it;s doing on his dick. It truly is almost wishful thinking, because it was on his mind, but it is bullying nonetheless.
It may even BE asking for a date, kind of. What do I know?
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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"Yes they have, it was just more subtle, and was assumptive.
Within five minutes of meeting you every heterosexual person (and yes, some gay ones) have told you that they are married, have kids, are looking forward to grandchildren, have to pick their kid up form school, wanted to... My GOD just LOOK at the TITS on THAT!... meet the right girl, etc.
It's natural and normal for the world to talk about their lives in that way. I don't have a boyfriend. If I had Id like to be able to do that about him just as easily.
Heterosexual people are constantly coming out."
I beg to differ here Timmy, to be honest they are only telling you what THEY want you to hear or think you want to hear. I too am married with two lovely daughters (and a son... another story) and when I hear someone say "My GOD just LOOK at the TITS on THAT!" I look, smile and nod, even though I have never ever seen any beauty in them. I often wonder how many times I have thought of someone as straight, and missed an opportunity. Many people are masters at putting on a false front, such as myself. You never really know another person, only what they lead you to perceive.
"It may even BE asking for a date, kind of. What do I know?"
Gawd, I hope not! 
I prefer guys that don't come in a box.
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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I did say" (and yes, some gay ones)" you know 
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Yep. I stand corrected. Wonder how I missed that? But that statement alone tends to invalidate the rest, does it not? Since we never really know what is going on in someone elses head.
I prefer guys that don't come in a box.
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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Play the probabilities. If I say I am straight isn;t it more likely that I am?
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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If you physically state that to me, then yes, I would assume that is correct and you wouldn't be lying. However, just the "I am married with kids, and 'wow, look at those tits!'" would not cut it in my book. So that goes back to my original statement of people not actually introducing themselves and stating their sexual orientation... but even then, you never know. So why the false classifications? We are what we are. Forget the damned labels.
I prefer guys that don't come in a box.
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