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warren c. e. austin
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Likes it here |
Location: Toronto, Ontario, CANADA
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 247
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I'm making one of my increasingly rare "personal" appearances here, specifically for the purpose of making this declaration.
Here, at "A Place of Safety", twice in as many weeks, we have very nearly lost (or could potentially have) individuals that you, and I, have come to consider very dear to many if not all of us.
Why?
What sense of alienation, not just here, but in society at large, prevails that foster such feelings of anxiety and despair?
Feelings that could well result in our losing, IN MY LOSING, two wonderful kind-hearted, compassionate, caring people - one who if age and circumstances had been different could very well have prompted my active pursuit as he is in all respects a man I could (and truly do) love, and one I perceive as being an "ideal" life-partner, the other a blessed and gifted person in his own right and rapidly becoming a friend - men who, as adults, have felt they may have no other alternative but to take their own life.
I'm crying as I write this because I truly cannot understand this, and refuse to accept that any one of us is so indifferent to the needs of those around us, that this might happen.
The two I discuss here are not alone; we have in addition discovered others, through our rhetoric, that whilst not at a point of contemplating suicide, do too, feel sufficiently out-of-place, that they are slowly withdrawing into themselves and away from our community.
This cannot be allowed to happen!
We are "family". And, for some, many of whom have never been sufficiently recognized, because they have chosen to remain largely unknown to us, we are, and may very well be, the only family they have.
I too, at one very dark period in my life, had thoughts of suicide and all that kept me alive were my dogs, and my concern for what would become of them, should I have done so. My children were, and are, indifferent to them. My brother positively hates them. One, or the other, or all would have summarily had them put-down, and would do so now, were I to die. I can only hope I live long enough to out-live the youngest of them - they have proved to be the sole anchor to which I cling.
When my one and only "lover", some 25-years ago, unexpectedly and quite suddenly, died my world collapsed as I knew it then. My friends rallied and for the next 5-years busied themselves, keeping me occupied. Slowly I returned to them and myself.
Of those 40-odd blessed individuals, none to this day remain, all having succumbed to that scourage upon humankind we now know as HTLIV-4/AIDS. I buried the last of them not too long ago. Now, in many respects I feel that I too have out-lived my usefulness, and it is probably my time to move on as well.
But, I won't: firstly for my dogs, and secondly for all of you, especially those I've yet to come to know. If I did, I'd never have that opportunity to meet you (even if only through this transitiory and impersonal media we call the internet), and I know my life would far be lesser richer for not having been able to.
As "K. C." has often quoted "It may all only begin with one drop of water, but look at what comes from that!"
We simply have to care. We cannot ever stop. Living would be pointless otherwise.
Warren C. E. Austin
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At what cost you say?
To me it is a bargain at twice the price. Many of you here, have touched me deeply. I consider you more than just friends, I consider you family. Many in my biological family are quite distant, not in geography but in heart. To a larg extent, that is not the case here.
If i can help any of you, no matter what the cost to me personally, I would do it. Some of you, I have hurt, I did not intend to at all. In fact, I am in pain in my own heart for my responsibility in that.
Sometimes we don't know how to help, or just don't tink we are useful enough to do any good. That is just shit (please excuse my language). Some here are hurting, and think they don't belong. A kind word, or any words at all, let these people know that someone out there cares.
So please, if you can, participate. You each have so much to share, because each of you here have a light inside that can shine the way for another.
As for me, I love it even when one of you diagrees with me, as long as it is a response .... I love it (I love when you agree too, don't get me wrong, hehe). We are family, tell me I am full of &%$@! if you think so. But be ready, i do love a good debate. hehe
......
A public place for private messages:
First person. I need you to know that you matter, you certainly matter to me. When you are down, tell me, I will offer my hand up, it is always avialable. You should know that by now.
Second person: We are friends, you hold a place in my heart as well, do not think that you don't. Let's put any miscommunication aside and work on building back the bridge. It might have been damaged, it was not broken. I too, care for you.
Third person: You know the four letter word I call you. And the 5 letter one you have for me. I will never feel anything but love and happiness whenever i see that. You will always be special to me no matter what. The hurt i feel is because of me, my fault, not yours. I miss you horribly. As soon as I can, I hope we can talk again. Please live every day to the fullest, and when your down, I will be there if you want me to be, always.
Fourth and final person: You have created something wonderful. I love you. You make our family possible (dead give away right? ... hehe). I just want the happiness for you, that you make possible for us. Remember, less than one year left, better start planning. That day will be one of my best, I know it.
And to the rest of you, even those who are silent, you are still my family and I care about all of you. You may send me a private message at KcSincere@aol.com if you do not want to post here. I will still be there to listen, and if you need it, I will try to help.
All my Love, to all of you,
Kevin
"Be excellent to each other, and, party on dudes"!
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Dont ever think of leaving here or the world in General Warren. Firstly ya not ALLOWED to and second, we would all be deprived of a caring person and someone who has experience and wisdom. I for one think your value is high and I am sure I speak for so many others too.
I only have friends on the net but I would not part with one for any other type of friend. The screen holds real ppl for me and I can be with them daily and they care and they are real warm individuals that have something to say and also great loving input.
Finally Warren, ya cant leave any way you can think of, ya have to stay cause I helped ya with ya Voy board and it will take ya at least 20 years of friendship to pay it off.... 
People have a habit of changing your direction through life
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tim...of usa
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Likes it here |
Location: buffalo, new york...USA
Registered: July 2002
Messages: 266
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if the cost of friendship is all the pay i ever make then i'll gladly aprt with it all.
friends to me ARE my family...and yes i am good at pissing off my family....i got 39 years of pratice at it.
warren you are the one guy that i have a hard time understanding some times....which is GREAT....you make me think long and hadr about things so the price i pay for your friend ship is me having to think...not a bad deal.
as for the rest of my brothers out there i hold you and this palce very very dear, yes i went on a little vacation for a week or so but i had to my own reasons but now i am home and staying. not leaving and you cant make me.....hehehe
i still feel shitty every day and i some times have no hope of it ever getting better but this palce and guys like you warren make me 'fight another day'!
i come here to be with my family 8 or 10 times a day and i come here even befor i check email, read real mail, check answering machien....etc. this is home and you guys and gals are the ones that accept me and love me unconditionally...so i say name the price i'll pay it.
peace
love
joy
tim...of USA
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warren c. e. austin
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Likes it here |
Location: Toronto, Ontario, CANADA
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 247
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... and I than my lucky stars that you consented to accept my commission to create, design and implement this new Forum based solely upon my sketchy outline to you of what I envisioned would be my requirements.
You've exceeded even my grandest dreams of what might have been possible using the facilites of a "free" server and their "ready-made" applet. If I should remain indentured to you for the next 20-years, or more, it would be cheap in lieu of the real costs. My only hope is that if and when the time should ever again arise that I have another venture that needs kick-starting, that you'll again consent to take a lead in it's creation.
To one, all and sundry, hither and yon, who have no idea of what I, and Ashley by his comments in this thread are referring to, let me now formally announce the official opening of The Gay Deceiver Productions newest venture - "No Matter What!" - voy.com's most recently established Forum, where I, Warren C. E. Austin, writing as "The Gay Deceiver" get to pick a weekly Topic, *post* my thoughts and comments through the media of Commentary related to that Topic, and invite Visitors to share their opinion on my treatment of the subject, and the Topic in general. To view the Forum, and share in the success of this enterprise, on or after 00:00 Hrs Monday November 4th 2002, kindly navigate with your browser to the following URL:
http://www.voy.com/115665/
My never having been involved in any sort of on-going Public-access Dialogue this should prove to interesting to say the least, and entertaining at the very best.
To eveyone, I state unequivocably, should you ever require the expertise of a totally free-spirit, capable of transforming even the vaguest of thoughts into a tangible and truly viable reality, you could do no better than ask Mr. Ashley Dawson to undertake the task on your behalf.
Warren C. E. Austin
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I just wanted to say one thing here ...
No cost is too great to pay for " Friendships"
most of my friends are people on here .. I may never meet them but I know that they would do anything to help me if I ask them too . And I am sure that you would be one of the first to do so .. I have a friend " A " that keeps telling me I need more friends and he never gives up on me ..and I think he had something to do with you and me meeting ..So you see friends and friendships are IMPORTANT .. So never think that you are not wanted or needed because you are my friend ..and by alot of other people on here ..
Take care ...
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To eveyone, I state unequivocably, should you ever require the expertise of a totally free-spirit, capable of transforming even the vaguest of thoughts into a tangible and truly viable reality, you could do no better than ask Mr. Ashley Dawson to undertake the task on your behalf.
Warren C. E. Austin
Hey I'll drink to that ...because I know just what Ashley can do .. he is a very smart young man .. He have help me alot with my website ..and just let me say this ..he is really great at it ..
Rick ... owner of Rick's Castle http://www3.ns.sympatico.ca/castlerick
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warren c. e. austin
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Likes it here |
Location: Toronto, Ontario, CANADA
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 247
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... in this thread, my sincerest and heartfelt gratitude to you, one and all.
Each of you who responded to my desperation, and all of you who have remained silent, are so very important to me. I can't ever really and truly adequately express to you, either individually or collectively, just why that is. I ask that you simply accept that being a given.
Earlier this morning I was discussing this community, and my place in it, with someone very dear to me, and whose judgement I've come to trust implicitely. I stated to him, that I knew I was somewhat of an outsider here, and fully accepted this and was content with whatever crumbs were thrown my way on occasion. I explained that because there were far too many "vacant" rooms in my house, and many others that I couldn't ever possibly discuss the contents thereof with anyone, people were logically going to have trepidation when dealing with me. I expect this; but, I revealed to him that this one issue side, my biggest frustration was overcoming other's perception that I lived some life of priviledge or advantage; and therefore, could not be expected to have empathy for those that do not.
Well yes I have known considerble priviledge and advantage, and have enjoyed it's fruits, but I do not now live, or experience any of them. You, none of you, would ever want to live my life as I now live it, and have been doing so for this past four years; nor, would I ever ask or want you to. My current life is one of those "rooms" best left alone, and the contents undisclosed.
I am concerned however, that many of you are afraid of me, that your reluctance to approach me is fostered by something inherent in myself that has this great big "Go Away" indelibly stamped on it, and you all have apparently taken heed of it's warning.
I am a very hospitable and social creature, with many a need to protect vociferously my "private" domain; but, that having been said, I would never turn any of you away in time of need, whether that be simply for fellowship and want of someone to share a conversation with, or because you are troubled and in need of assistance. My privacy be damned, if you want me, I'll be there for all, and anyone, regardless of the circumstances, if you feel the need to broach the barriers I have in place.
I have been advised that this fear has as it's foundation largely based on this Board's Membership's perception of my education and overall bearing. I had hoped that by consenting K. C.'s request that I join him and others, entering into "Chat" though a variety of the associated Messenger enterprises, that you would soon learn that I can be just as down-to-earth as you all seem to be, and that I've experienced much of life as you have. Apparently, I have failed you there too. There is much of my life that I can be proud of, but there is much too, that I'm quite frankly ashamed to admit ever having been involved in, or ever having undertaken. Unfortunately these do not make for good "kitchen table" conversation, and you'd, as likely as not, be even more afraid of me if I ever chose to discuss them with you. Let it suffice to have me say, that there would not likely be ever anything that anyone here, and probably elsewhere, that would even remotely surprise me should they chose to disclose it to me.
It is here that my strength to you at "A Place of Safety" rests. I may very well, and quite possibly could understand your own very unique issues better than you may do yourself, having often survived them to reach the ripe old age that I have.
Unfortunately, you not ever know for sure if I remain a parriah, and I'm not asked to join your world.
Lastly, I am opinionated. Very much so. It is for this reason, and to separate those opinions from the needs of this enterprise, which I so much need to be a part of, that I have undertaken to create the vehicle (discussed elsewhere in this thread) for those opinions, and thus silence them here.
Warren C. E. Austin
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Hear Hear!!!! 
Ashley, without your help it could not have been possible ... 
