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I might be on my way back here for sure. I don't know yet. In reality I probably am, but my conscious mind isn't quite made up yet (yes, I know it sound stupid but that's how it is).
I am moved by people's concern and show of support. I want to thank you all properly, but I don't quite know how... I have a hug set aside in my heart for each and every one of you. I hope and wish I will be able to give it to you some day.
And like the topic says, once I wrote about a boy in a rainstorm. Earlier this week, the day when everything went kablooie for me and I destroyed my flatscreen monitor with my bare hands, I stood at my apartement window, looking out.
Unlike smith's sunny state, we have true winter here right now. For two days we had tons of snow, then it quickly melted away in a couple of hours... Now it's just below zero (and yes, that is the Celsius scale zero, for you US types.  ). That day however I suppose it was a few paltry degrees above freezing.
I stood at my window, looking out. The sky was barely visible above the houses across the big enclosed yard, and it was cloudy and iron-gray in color. Most of the trees have shed all their leaves, only a few confused birches still keeping a firm grip on their dead, yellow leaves, and the firs have their green needles of course.
I stand there looking out for no particular reason, not thinking about anything in particular either (at least nothing pleasant). I suddenly see movement down there. Something orange is moving. A boy, kicking a soccer ball along the ground. And there's another boy in blue. They can't be more than ten years old, plus or minus one or maybe two years, they're only partly visible through the thicket of trees growing in the middle of the yard. I see them jog along together with the ball, probably playing. I'm thinking, at least some people are having fun and enjoying themselves.
Then I see the boy in the orange jacket fall. I can't see for what reason he fell due to the distance and all the trees, I think maybe he tripped over something, the ball itself perhaps. He falls down and I expect him to bounce up again and brush himself off and continue playing like kids do. He does not, he stays there on the ground. It looks like he's hitting the asphalt in anger with his hand. After a little while he does get up. The other boy does not help him.
The boy in the orange jacket suddenly starts chasing the boy in the blue jacket. He kicks at him at about waist-height, but I don't think it was a hard kick. He pushes the other kid, it does not appear to be playful. It looks like angry actions to me. Then I see him turn around and head off in the opposite direction and head up the stairs to the upper levels of the apartement blocks, alone.
The boy in the blue has also turned around. He stops briefly to pick up the ball and then he walks away as well. All by himself.
What can appear to be all fun and games sometimes is something altogether different. Maybe it affected me, I don't know.
Or maybe I just misinterpreted the whole thing, from start to end, who knows. But this is how it appeared to me that day.
-Lenny
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
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I haven't written to you lately...too much going on in my neck of the world.
But I have been reading, the MB and your stories, too. I really liked "Dennis" a lot. Not your usual style, but good.
Welcome back, I hope for a long stay.
"Always forgive your enemies...nothing annoys them quite so much." Oscar Wilde
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e
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On fire! |
Location: currently So Cal
Registered: May 2002
Messages: 1179
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Hi Lenny, good to see you back here. Your words alone have made my rainstorm dry up and go away. I've been alone and bored all day. Now I am smiling.
Sometimes rainstorms really are storms and sometimes they are all the excuse we need to go out and play. Snowstorms too.
I'm not really sure what I was going to write, but anyhow, I hope you'll decide to stick around.
Think good thoughts,
e
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For whatever reason you have decided to come back to us Lenny, I am glad that you are here. I thought you had been so overwhelmed that you had done something silly, I am glad ya didnt.
I see a Psychiatrist Lenny cause I have problems and one of them is I hit myself and I feel so low and like I am worthless and that all I am is shit. I lock myself in the bathroom sometimes and I sit on the floor in a rolled up position and I just sit and cry. Mum and Dad leave me cause they know now that I wont answer them or come out until I am ready.
Maybe you are alone and Lonely Lenny and I wish that I could make it less so but I cannot. All I can offer is a shoulder for you like Dad (tim) does for me. I am doing the best I can with what I have and sometimes I dont wuite make it but I am here and for some reason I am loved and wanted and needed, so are you.
PS, I didnt tell you all that for sympathy just that I know something of how you may feel sometimes. Hugs and Dont give up Lenny please??
People have a habit of changing your direction through life
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the scholar
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Toe is in the water |
Location: England
Registered: August 2002
Messages: 59
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My heart goes out to anyone in pain and I, too, wish that I could halp, but know that, other than being part of this "family" I am unable to do so.
A while ago I tought my whole world was crashing down around me and I received so much love and support from my iomfats family it truly overwhelmed me. However, despite all this, I still felt alone and, as some of you know, I did something rather silly - though it didn't seem silly to me at the time.
What I am trying to say here (and probably failing miserably) is that I am here to listen to what you have to say, to share with you the feelings you have and to rejoice in your observations of life.
I hope you stay, Lenny.
There are so many wonderful people here and, just as I feel about them, this message board would be a lonely place without you.
TS
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tim...of usa
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Likes it here |
Location: buffalo, new york...USA
Registered: July 2002
Messages: 266
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No Message Body
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...We Swedes honor our deceased loved ones.
In the far end of the complex of apartement blocks where I live, towards the huge nature and recreational area which borders the eastern part of my city, there is a small gravel soccer field. It's more the size of a tennis or basketball court really, but it's meant for soccer (or football, as it's REALLY called. Using the term "soccer" just as a courtesy for our US friends and their silly version of rugby... )
Next to this soccer field stands a young linden tree. It was planted in 1998, and on a small metal memorial plaque near the foot of that tree are these words etched:
"This lime tree was planted in memory of the football player Simon Lindengren, who died of cancer in 1997, eight years old."
I've walked past this tree many times over the years since it was planted, seen it take root in the soil, seen it grow bigger and stronger. Felt sad for Simon, whose life was cut short so early on. Felt happy for his tree, seeing it thrive. Never has any kids broken any of its branches. Never have any vandals carved into its bark. Everyone has let it grow in peace.
Tonight, after coming home from having had a simple dinner "out", and a short walk, I see a picture with some curly ribbons and a note attached, tied around the trunk of the young tree. Below, next to the plaque stands two big candles, lighting up the darkness.
"Simon, fourteen years old! Hooraay!
If not for...", the short message on the note reads.
Above the note, a photo of a beautiful, smiling eight-year old boy, still lacking his permanent corner teeth in his upper jaw. His hair is fairly short and a little curly, and a dark honey blonde in color. He's dressed all in white. White running pants, and a white T-shirt.
It's the first time I've seen what Simon looks like...
Just wanted to tell you all this.
-Lenny
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
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tim...of usa
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Likes it here |
Location: buffalo, new york...USA
Registered: July 2002
Messages: 266
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thank you lenny
peace
tim...of USA
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smith
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On fire! |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 1095
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6 years ago, a little boy died. 6 years later, he is still loved, remembered and missed. Tears for Simon, for what he never knew, how much he never finished.....but smiles for you, Lenny for making all of us honour his memory. Next time you walk by that tree, say "Hi" to Simon for me, please. He would have been my friend.
smith
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No Message Body
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
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Simon isnt gone smith for he lives on in YOUR heart and in the hearts that loved him dearly. Hugs for you from me.
People have a habit of changing your direction through life
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the scholar
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Toe is in the water |
Location: England
Registered: August 2002
Messages: 59
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I cried when I read your words. Please say hello to Simon from me, too, next time your passing. I lost my own son at the age of six - he is in my head and my heart forever, so I know the pain.
TS
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smith
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On fire! |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 1095
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I cried too. May I hug you very tightly?
{{{HUG}}}
smith
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No Message Body
"Be excellent to each other, and, party on dudes"!
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the scholar
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Toe is in the water |
Location: England
Registered: August 2002
Messages: 59
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Bless you, smith - it means a lot.
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Once I wrote about a boy walking through a rainstorm... 
Good for you to be here. 
6 Years Ago.... 
