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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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Yesterday I met a bigot. On line in a public discussion group. It's a business discussion group and he exhibited bias and bigotry against transgendered people. I explained in public assertively and in private more assertively that his opinion was not welcome.
I contirbute to this list as a part of my employment
Today I received an email from him, copied to various members of my employer's managemenmt team reporting me for using their email address to allegedly brand him a racist and a bigot. Now I have to fight to justify myself. Dammit life is unfair.
I guess I was silly.
Now my job may be under threat. From a bigot.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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You stood up for someone who was not even there to defend his or her self. That is admirable, remember that. You are standing up to the bully, and the fights not over yet. You have a lot of people in your corner.
Second, I am sure your employer does not condone the comments the biggot made in his original text. They will see you did this in the best interest of fairness to all. Words of hate towards transgendered people or anybody else for that matter should be met with a resounding "NO!" That seems to me to be EXACTLY what you did. This will work itself out.
I am so sorry this kind of hate had to come your way, you don't deserve this.
All my love and support,
Kevin
"Be excellent to each other, and, party on dudes"!
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You mean, this "gentleman" (and I use that term loosely) was able to, with impunity, speak his mind; but you, Tim, could lose your job for doing exactly the same thing (over the same forum)?
I know; no matter how hard you bite your tongue, it's impossible to keep on biting when faced with something as contemptible as this.
Tim, I think I can speak for all of us when I voice the hope that nothing more comes of this (except, of course, that this "person" be subjected to some serious form of "comeuppance"). You should not have to answer for what you said; he should be made to answer for what he said.
And yet, sad to say, that's the way of the world.
So I ask again: what's wrong with this picture?
We do not remember days...we remember moments.
Cesare Pavese
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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No Message Body
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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trevor
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Really getting into it |
Registered: November 2002
Messages: 732
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No Message Body
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that you should run into this guy.
Let's hope that his actions backfire on him and that the matter resolves itself.
Office e-mail can be a dangerous thing. I've learnt the hard way to choose my words very carefully. Because there is absolutely nothing to stop the person at the other end from forwarding what you've written to anybody they like.
One of these days I really must clear out my "Drafts" folder. It's full of replies to e-mails that I WANTED to send before thinking the better of it.
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No Message Body
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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I have the weekend to sweat.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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You have my promise for more than my normal prayers for you and also, one other thing I would like to give to my on-line Dad....
HUGE Hugs
People have a habit of changing your direction through life
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Dad, ya never answered and, please let us know what happened ok??
People have a habit of changing your direction through life
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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Is only just monday here. No news yet.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Oh, did ya see my last post to you?? there was something special there for ya ??
People have a habit of changing your direction through life
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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No Message Body
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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I get very mixed signals over this from my boss. The one thing I see is that she is not supportive. Very clinical
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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This was with personnel. To be fair it was a "correct" meeting. No outcome yet. Likely to be tomorrow.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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Darren
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Likes it here |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 190
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No Message Body
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No Message Body
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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Friday at 11am UK time.
The charges are serious:
"1. The inappropriate use of ********* IT Communication System, in particular the use of ********* email account.
2. Conduct and behaviour below the standard required by *********.
3. Serious error of judgement, thereby potentially exposing the company to risk of damage to *********brand, name and reputation in the marketplace"
It looks to me very much as though I will be dismissed.
We made plans for job loss a while back. We have long thought about opening a bed and breakfast guest house in the west of england. Devon or Cornwall. I cannto see me spending the next 15 years looking over my shoulder. The stress is too damned hard to take.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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Last friday, when I knew I had fouled up, I called our personnel department. "I need your help," I said.
I called my manager. "I need to talk to you. I need your help," I said.
On Monday I met my manager. "I need your help," I said.
I have not been given help. Instead I have been invited to a disciplinary hearing with three very serous charges. The probability of those charges being dismissed is low.
I effectively reported myself. I am being destroyed because I "misused" a corporate resource in a moment of humanity. BUT the humanity is not relevant
In return I am granted no humanity. They have given me no support and no help.
My colleagues cannot believe what is happening to me. They all support me. My manager does not seem to.
Please, for once I ask for something for myself. Please offer a prayer for me, for my peace of mind, and for my ability to use a clear head on friday. I have almost never asked God for anything for me. I dont; know if that matters, but I ask him to help them shoe me mercy on Friday. The heairng is before both people I asked for help.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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No Message Body
"But he that hath the steerage of my course,
direct my sail."
-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act One, Scene IV
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trevor
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Really getting into it |
Registered: November 2002
Messages: 732
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This is hard to understand. I've been in your manager's position, where an e-mail was profane and harrassing and NOT compassionate and we just gave him a warning. Can they seriously believe this will harm the product's public image?
Kevin and I are back to work after lots of prayers from many friends. You will do okay regardless of whether you're let go or not, I "just have a feeling."
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He did what I wish everyone would do just once. He stood up for someone else.
I can't think of a worse injustice in this world than that. I believe in all my heart that each step we take makes a difference. It pains me to my very soul to see you punished for doing, not only the right thing, but no less than Gods work.
Religion or faith aside, I feel their is no better measure of a man than how he treats his fellow man. Especially, those that cannot fight for themselves.
Shall we not be judged by how we treat the least of us?
Whatever your faith, or lack thereof, please pray, cross your fingers, chant, throw salt over the shoulder, light a candle .... whatever it is please join me in doing it. I don't know what else to do. But I beg you all to try.
He tried for others. He put himself out for someone he has never met. He risked himself for a person who is not even aware of his fight. We all owe him. He was that drop of water.
Please help my friend.
Kevin
"Be excellent to each other, and, party on dudes"!
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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You've always been there for me Tim, from the very first day, and I'm ALWAYS here for you too. You've been a father to me and more, I love you for it.
No matter what happens, I'm here for you. You have my number if you need me for anything. Ok? ((Hugz))
And when you go to see these people who are so damn 'touchy' about you defending something you believe in...remember to ask them what the hell ANY comments that could be perceived as 'bigoted' or 'racist' were DOING on a public discussion board run by a business! If you're a villain for calling attention to it, then HE'S a villain for giving you something to call attention to. From what you said above, I don't see why any of those comments could be seen as appropiate behavior for the business either. Maybe they would prefer to be linked to a 'true bigot' instead of a 'suspected slanderer'.
Contact me anytime, bud. Love and hugz.
-Com
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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I have just had the informal pre-hearing meeting with my HR rep (who is also conducting the disciplinary meeting) and asked her advice on how best to present myself tomorrow.
I have asked her confidentially whether it is relevant to present- That I have been being treated for depression for the past 12 months, resulting in my "inner child" being somewhat nearer the surface that it might otherwise be
- Thta I have a cousin who is a transvestite, thus the issue hitting close to home
- That I am a gay man
She said that the first two were directly relevant, and felt the third was too.
Howveer I asked her about the advisability of bringing this up, since my (female) boss who is also conducting the meeting, might be homophobic.
She is treating ALL of this as 100% confidential, except has asked my permission to ask HER boss (and no-one else) about point 3. I wil hear about all of this later.
We agreed that we are MEANT to leave all our baggage at the front door, but that it is sometimes unavoidable that something hits us.
I have no clue how this will turn out
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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There is a "verdict adjournement". During this the HR rep wil try to determine if part 3 is relevant. If it is, then she thinks it is wise to dosclose it. If not, then she thinks it is too private to be relevant. I agree.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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trevor
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Really getting into it |
Registered: November 2002
Messages: 732
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I'm thinking it's probably NOT relevant and might lead to further issues with your supervisor when you keep your job if there's much chance she is a bigot too.
You could say something about you have (an)other GLTB or just T friend(s) that have been harrassed, sensitizing you to the issue, if you can be relatively sure that won't lead to more questions and open doors you don't necessarily want opened.
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Two things .... 
What's wrong with this picture? 
hugs tight. I did 
We will keep our fingers crossed 
