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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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What does a person do when a matter of trust is broken. I don't mean letting a secret slip either. I mean the kind of trust that is a deep rooted faith one has in a close friend.
And I dont want an answer like "forgive him" either....
I have already done that.... Friends do you know....
What I want to know is how do I become again able to put trust of a like kind back in this persons hands????
This is not a philosophical queery.
A very important part of my life is about to fall to pieces because of this and I don't know if it can be put back together again.
This has been a lousy week so far.... Sigh....
Marc
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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Steve
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Really getting into it |
Location: London, England
Registered: November 2006
Messages: 465
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Marc, it is impossible to answer your question because the answer should change depending on the circumstances: why was your trust betrayed? to whom was your trust betrayed? - and so forth. Since I am certain that you would not wish the answers to these questions to be made public I think it would be potentially dangerous to even attempt an answer.
All I can suggest is: search your heart and search his/hers.
Is there an excuse? Is there an admission? Is there contrition? Is there pain? Has a lesson been learned?
Sorry I cannot be of greater help. Maybe others can.
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Is there an excuse? None was offered.
Is there an admission? The evidence to many has been apparent for some time, but no there was no admission, only evasion.
Is there contrition? This goes hand in hand with the above answer. Unless someone admits culpability there can be no contrition.
Is there pain? Yes, in a sense. A lot of work is ending for naught. Alot of deserving people will be disapointed.
Has a lesson been learned? By him. Apparently not. By me. It only serves to reinforce alot of issues I thought were beaten.
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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Sometimes, as much as you love and care about a friend, there are some things you cannot trust them with. Perhaps if your friend has broken your trust it simply means that you know not to trust them with a similar thing again. It isn't really a matter of friendship, because true friendship should be undying regardless of what befalls it and hopefully you will be able to trust your friend with some things still, but you know now that your friend has a problem with being trusted in that way.
I'll use a personal experience as an analogy, just because I'm bored, this is a lot more shallow than what you're going through, but hopefully it'll still be insightful. I've had a friend on the internet for the last couple of years and at one stage we worked on a game related website together for a while. After a sequence of events that resulted from my competitive nature involving another website, our website closed. About a year has passed since then and fairly recently my friend opened up another website, this time however, despite out friendship he isn't comfortable with having my assitance on it. He knows my nature well enough to say that he cannot trust me with co-administrator powers. I am too ambitious for my own good at times and given the atmosphere he seeks to achieve it isn't a position he would trust me in despite our friendship. He would trust me with his life, however he won't trust me with his website. Anyway, hope I've been able to help out in some way shape or form and thanks all for listening to me waste your time...
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13796
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One, having given sufficient chances, cuts one's losses.
I trust twice. A view the first breach of trust as an unhappy accident and the second as terminal. I am not dogmatic about this, but it is my guiding principle.
I regret that one has to move on. Unless one wishes to make a conscious choice to continue whatever was between the two of you knowing that the other person breaks your trust. Risk vs Reward.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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What does a person do ???????????? 
