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You are here: Home > Forum > A Place of Safety > General Talk > The mystical jerk-off
icon12.gif The mystical jerk-off  [message #6812] Mon, 23 December 2002 08:55 Go to next message
Steve is currently offline  Steve

Really getting into it
Location: London, England
Registered: November 2006
Messages: 465



At this time of the year Jewish Kabbalists (mystics) in Israel hold sessions to deal with ...... masturbation!

My newspaper today relates:

A young kabbalistic rabbi has written a treatise on the prevention of masturbation. In this treatise he claims that wankers create devils by their actions. "By masturbating, the seed comes out without reaching its proper place, so from the storehouse of souls a soul comes out and goes nowhere appropriate. Then, through the powers of evil, the spiritual body is created of a demon." The document further details that according to the Talmud the creation of the demon is considered to be murder, because the demon was created instead of the soul which was supposed to be created and born. The kabbalist details a mystical formula "concerning masturbation according to Kabbalah" [Jewish mysticism]. He suggests that every time a person wants to jerk off he should recite two verses from the book of psalms [42:1-2]...

I kid you not: this must be the silly season for newspapers in Israel! (Anything to get away from politics!)

Now, I suggest that we on this MB do an experiment. Every time one of us wants to have a good wank he should recite these two verses and then report back to us here - "It worked" or "It didn't work". We can then collate the statistics and send them to this young rabbi for his greater edification.

Who's first?
icon7.gif Lodge your answers here  [message #6813 is a reply to message #6812] Mon, 23 December 2002 09:45 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13771



Please vote once per wank. No historic wanks, please, only current ones







Onanism Feedback

Did the wank work?


It worked!

It didn't work!

Kind of half and half



Current Results





Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
icon4.gif By the way, that means did the VERSES work! (I think!)  [message #6814 is a reply to message #6813] Mon, 23 December 2002 09:48 Go to previous messageGo to next message
timmy

Has no life at all
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13771



No Message Body



Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
icon7.gif "It worked" means "I did NOT wank"  [message #6816 is a reply to message #6814] Mon, 23 December 2002 10:10 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Steve is currently offline  Steve

Really getting into it
Location: London, England
Registered: November 2006
Messages: 465



"It did not work" would mean "Despite the recitation of these verses I had a good time anyway - me and my fantasies - and I enjoyed a good jerk-off."

This reminds me of Chairman Mao's recipe for birth control in China: a glass of water - not before, not after, but instead of. LOL
OK.... Here goes... BUT WAIT!!! A question......  [message #6822 is a reply to message #6812] Mon, 23 December 2002 13:34 Go to previous messageGo to next message
marc is currently offline  marc

Needs to get a life!

Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729



If I jerk off with a condom on will I fill up a bag full of demons?

Oh my..... Where will I dump it? Oh my..... If I flush it the demon might reach up and pinch me or something.....



Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
Demon seed  [message #6826 is a reply to message #6812] Tue, 24 December 2002 04:18 Go to previous message
e is currently offline  e

On fire!
Location: currently So Cal
Registered: May 2002
Messages: 1179



If after death, I am doomed to be haunted by all the demons I've created by virtue of self gratification, the afterlife will most certainly be one Hell of a time.

In fact, a new demon stalks the underworld this very night, even after I perused the aforementioned verses.

Think good thoughts,
e
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