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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13751
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This is not a naive question. Heterosexual couples have it defined. "That bit goes in there". But two guys.........
So, Picture the scene. We are 14,15,16,17,18. I am im his arms, and we are kissing madly. I have no idea what my limits are, nor what his limits are. I'm nervous, fumbling, and pretty much virginal. Him too. I am plain scared in case either I break a taboo for him, or he does for me. I'm afraid of so many things I don't yet understand. All I know for sure is that I am about to do, with luck, everything I ever wanted, with a person I respect and, at least for now, adore.
How do we know, any of us, what is and is not wanted?
Do I do something I don't like just coz he wants it?
Do I ask him to do something and insist just because I want it?
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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i guess you just need to talk to each other and not just do stuff. i dont think its right for you to insist to do something that the other person doesn't feel comfortable with. thats just not cool. if both people don't want it then its the wrong time to do it.
yeah, im sorry that was so bloody vaque but i hope you get the idea....
peace and trees
~Andy
Why are you wearing that stupid man suit?
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well, I can only talk about it in my own
It's not the wolf you see you should fear, but all the ones he howls with. Don't be afraid of the song, but don't piss off the choir.
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Physical compaitibily is an important issue. Not everyone is.
I use a Physical compaitbility test. I call it my action and response test. It consists of one passionate kiss.
A kiss both initiates and responds at the same time. When it works well with someone, usually I have found a measure of compatibilty. A kiss is a fluid thing like most other interaction. Of course, maybe that is just the hopeless romantic in me.
As far as something that is taboo. You cannot know that unless he tells you. keep talking about what you want and hope that he follows that and talks to you about what he want too. If it makes you uncomfortable or you don't like it, a simple no will do. But use some common sense. If you like it, tell him that as well.
And, most of all, DO NOT insist on anything. If he does and you don't like it SAY NO. That is so important to your personal well being. In the long run if you give that up, you will feel less than loved. It's just not worth it. And if he loves you, he will understand.
Much love to all,
Kevin
"Be excellent to each other, and, party on dudes"!
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Question
#1.... Well the heat of the moment usually brings about forward action. For me, my first real kiss with a boy was when I was 12, we were on a boy scout camping trip and as it usually goes a game of show n tell turned into both of us in the same sleeping bag. I am not sure who started it noe am I sure who finished it either, but I do know it was a feeling and a moment I shall never forget.
#2.... Well if you are virginal than you don't realy know what you like and don't do you?
#3.... Insisting on anything is just plain bad form. Every act of love, by its very nature must be mutual.
His name was Neil... cute as hell and sweet as candy.
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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This is with somebody you don't already kn ow really well, huh? OK, hmmm...let's see if I can remember that far back...hehehe
Body language is just as important as talking, in my view. Paying careful attention to how the other person responds is not rocket science. An appreciative moan is a green light (do MORE of that), a clentch or a flinch is a red light.
With somebody you know well, there's huge freedome to experiment with new territory..."hey, you ever thought aboutthis? Let's try..."
You could even ask Man about that time there was sex on the beach under a full moon with the scent of jasmine in the palm grove...
Sounds terrific as an image, huh?
We discovered that sand gets just about everywhere.
Ugh.
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smith
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On fire! |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 1095
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No Message Body
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smith
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On fire! |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 1095
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Hmmm.......just hit send I guess.
So you're saying then that sex is 100%/100% give and take? That you need to be totally aware of what the other person is feeling and wanting or not wanting. That's what I hoped you'd say.
But.......what if someone has something they CAN'T do? And what if that something is what the other person loves most about sex? What then?
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13751
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Then the love of the person should outweigh the love of the act. If it does not, then it was not love, not really, inthe first place
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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saben
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On fire! |
Registered: May 2003
Messages: 1537
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Without reading any of the previous replies, I seriously have to suggest just prodding without pushing, just hinting at engaging at something and then gaging the reaction. If you place a finger near his opening and he shies away from it, then that kind of contact is probably out of the question unless he tells you otherwise. Actual talking too much would sort of ruin the moment, just feel what works and what doesn't and react to thing you don't want by closing yourself off using body language, they should get the hint and stick to tamer stuff.
Look at this tree. I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time [...] No matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.
Master Oogway
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saben
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On fire! |
Registered: May 2003
Messages: 1537
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If there was religion involved in particular. For virginal people, society's conditioning will lead to them regretting the action usually regardless of what it was, so really go all out, you're gonna hate it in the morning anyway, if it is a physical limit rather than emotional, well, then just listen to your body.
Strangely enough my first act was out of lust and I didn't feeel guilty at all, it was heaven. My first time out of love I did feel guilty about it, maybe because I wasn't attracted to him... Weird...
Oh, and nice to see things quite well on track again here...
Look at this tree. I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time [...] No matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.
Master Oogway
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13751
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I guess we sort of discuss it. With hands, hearts, gentle or loudly expressive noises, and quiet moments of "No, do try that again, I was just surprised" and stuff. And "Let's try that another day, I'm not quite ready for that" and things. And "please would you put your hand there?"
All kind of shy, and even sometimes quite fierce?
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Something that can't be done....
Been there, am there.... I'm afraid I'll always be there...
But there is a thing that I just can NOT do. It triggers bad memories and a bad reaction as well.
What did I do? How did we handle it?
Easy,,,, We talked about it.
Then we came up with a sort of unspoken signal which says STOP and calms things down if the line is accidently crossed. If it is accidently crossed, there is no mention of it because there is no need, we just go back three paces and restart.
This may not be the best solution but it works for Kevy and I.
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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I was laying in bed in that place just between sleep and wakefulness. I was so comfy and as it was a hot summer evening I was on top of the covers.
When, unbeknown to me, Kevy climbed into bed with a big bowl of raspberry sherbet. I don't know what gave him the idea but as I was lazily dozing the sensation of utterly chilling pleasure came about my entire being.
Needeless to say, I shot dead awake and screamed "WHAT THE HE*L ARE YOU..... OOOHhhhhh Myyyy... Do it again!"
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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Guest
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On fire! |
Registered: March 2012
Messages: 2344
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As has been said, couples that truly respect themselves and love each other find ways to work around disabilities, whether they are physical or emotional/psychological.
Steve Reeves and his wife were quite open and graphic in their book about their sex life after he became totally paralized.
Many male couples can't engage in anal activities for any number of reasons, and they figure out creative ways around it.
Whatever somebody can't do, there are usually ways around it.
Creativity and flexibility and open communication practically always ensure success.
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smith
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On fire! |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 1095
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No Message Body
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Being flexible doesnt hurt either. Talking, that is the key.
Think of new and exciting ways to express your love. And a copy of the "gay karma sutra" doesnt hurt either.
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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Re: How do couples work out who does what and with which and to whom? 
OK, here goes 
Something that can't be done 