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First how do you find someone that you have not seen for many years? I found this persons old address and phone number but was told he no longer lived there and they did not know how to get in touch with him. Any Ideas?? He lives somewhere in the USA but I don’t know how to find him.
Second what is the likelihood that a gay man would father a gay son. Is it the same as a straight man or is it increased. I have a son who is showing the same signs that I did at his age and was just wondering if it was possible that he was going through the same anguish that I did. Maybe it is a stupid question but even so I still don’t know the answer. I have tried to talk with him and let him know if he was it was ok with me but he will not say one way or the other.
He is 14 and I know this is the hardest time. :-/
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13752
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tony wrote:
> First how do you find someone that you have not seen for many years? I found this persons old address and phone number but was told he no longer lived there and they did not know how to get in touch with him. Any Ideas?? He lives somewhere in the USA but I don’t know how to find him.
>
Whitepages.com is useful
> Second what is the likelihood that a gay man would father a gay son. Is it the same as a straight man or is it increased. I have a son who is showing the same signs that I did at his age and was just wondering if it was possible that he was going through the same anguish that I did. Maybe it is a stupid question but even so I still don’t know the answer. I have tried to talk with him and let him know if he was it was ok with me but he will not say one way or the other.
Just let him know that boyfriend or girlfriend all is 100% ok and then drop the subject totally. I am gay with a 100% str8 son. I have a feeling that, if inherited, it goes down the female line! Heck how else?
>
> He is 14 and I know this is the hardest time. :-/
At 14 he;s be hard ALl the time, dude!
::-)
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Firstly, Tim is right, White Pages .com..... There are also agencies that specialize in finding people.
Secondly, Look at his refusal to be committal one way or another. If he were str8 he would have said so so loudly MY ears would have rung.
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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1. How do you find someone that you have not seen for many years?
If you know one of his old schools, colleges or work places you could try http://www.alumni.net
2. I still don’t know the answer. I have tried to talk with him and let him know if he was it was ok with me but he will not say one way or the other.
Maybe your son doesn't know the answer himself.
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timmy
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Has no life at all |
Location: UK, in Devon
Registered: February 2003
Messages: 13752
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At 14 it can be extremely hard to talk to a father about sex at all. Let alone being put on the spot about being or one orientation or the other.
If he knows you are gay he may not want to hurt your feelings by being str8, for example. Hard to know what he is thinking. So, just let him know he is loved and drop the topic.
Author of Queer Me! Halfway Between Flying and Crying - the true story of life for a gay boy in the Swinging Sixties in a British all male Public School
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saben
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On fire! |
Registered: May 2003
Messages: 1537
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But quite often when people debate their sexuality the conclusion is jumped to that they are gay, otherwise why would they be questioning. That logic was pretty sound a few years back, but thesedays when being gay is becoming more popular and accepted, especially amongst younger generations, I think more and more straight people are questioning their sexuality before deciding that in fact they are straight. I have a number of online teen friends that for a stage thought they might be gay or bi, but in the end they decided that while they might have some attraction towards other males, 95% of the time they liked females, or enough of the time they liked females such that they should be considered straight. Hormones can do strange things and while in the ol' days if it was just hormones most guys would just brush it off, thesedays people are more likely to consider it, then draw conclusions themselves, a step that I think is a big step forward. It helps eliminate 'straight' as a default sexuality and lets people make up their mind one way or the other. But I'm getting a little off topic 
Look at this tree. I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time [...] No matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.
Master Oogway
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marc
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Needs to get a life! |
Registered: March 2003
Messages: 4729
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Making up ones mind implies a choice in the matter.
Ones sexuality is not a matter of choice.
Life is great for me... Most of the time... But then I meet people online... Very few are real friends... Many say they are but know nothing of what it means... Some say they are, but are so shallow...
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saben
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On fire! |
Registered: May 2003
Messages: 1537
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I don't mean that you actually choose, more that through a process of experience, thought, discussion, etc one comes to a conclusion in which they acknowledge which sexuality label (or lifestyle?) they best feel suits their sexuality attraction. No-one is 100% gay and no-one is 100% straight. Sexuality itself is not a choice, but rather the sexuality one lives is a choice. As children it is assumed we are straight until we 'realise' and 'admit' otherwise (to try and eliminate the word 'choice'), I'm just saying that while sexuality may be an innate factor that really until one says 'I am gay', or 'I am straight' and until they realise it, they should not be automatically considered straight, or any other sexuality, really.
Look at this tree. I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time [...] No matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.
Master Oogway
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I have a theory that only about 5-10% of the world is truely gay or straight according to the Kinsey scale. The fear of many comes primarily from the majority that cannot handle feelings that do not fit into a nice clean lable for themselves to live by. I happen to be very far at one end of the scale, but would I be totally honest to say I have never even had a thought in another direction? The answer is no. While I will never have a woman and really do not desire to, that does not mean i fit into that nice neat lable of 100% gay. Sure many of us try to paint us that way to make ourselves feel better about our views and feelings, but most times it is really not being honest with ourselves. Just like a straight man that cannot accept a stray thought of another guy.
While many of us are heavily leaning to one side or another. Especially gay men since society pushes us away from that so much that only the more gay leaning men will come to accept that about themselves. But with a little more honesty and introspection, we probably just "lean" to the gay side of life.
Please all, try to have an open mind about your fellow man (or woman). Since we are asking the world to accept us, a good first step would be to accept the rest of the world with the same zeal.
Juat my thoughts,
Kevin
"Be excellent to each other, and, party on dudes"!
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First i would like to thank all of you who replied. I was just hoping to be able to help him get through the high school years if he was having the same kind of doubts about his sexuality as i was. I remember high school being hell for someone who was not in the mainstream. He is doing the same things i did at that age, keeping to himself, not staying in touch with old friends,gaining weight and trying to act like nothing is wrong when actually you felt like you were going crazy because you had no one to talk to about what you were feeling. I know this is not something one can feel comfortable talking to your father about but i don't know how else to help. I did let him know that he is loved and that there is nothing we can't talk about. Guess i just have to wait and see how he does on his own.
As far as trying to find an old friend i have looked on whitepages.com and also the alumni.net his name is not an uncommon one and that leaves alot of people showing up on whitepages.com. He must not have registered on alumni.net because he is not listed. there is a spot on whitepages that says find anyone for a fee. has anyone ever tried this service? anyone know if it works? it has been 25 years since i have heard from this person and would love to find him again. any other suggestions?
thanks
tony
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smith
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On fire! |
Registered: January 1970
Messages: 1095
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All you can do for your son is to let him always know you love him uncondtionally. That stuff about staying to himself, letting go of old friends, going crazy......just been there, still doing that. It's really weird because even though all I want is to talk to them, they will want to "talk" to me and I don't want that. See how bizarre that is? He's trying to pull away and yet he wants you right there. If you asked him what was wrong....he couldn't find the words. The gay thing....if he wants to tell you anything like that, he will.
The search thing.........My Grandmom wanted to find people she went to school with...she used one of those services and they found them. She needed to know their birthdates, birthplaces and Mama's maiden name if possible. I think maybe they search birth certificates. It wouldn't hurt to try that if you're really wanting to find him.
Merry Merry ~ smith
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Hey I have two questions 
Not so bad Saben, here are my thoughts on that... 
